I’m from Adelaide.
Usually, when speaking with a non-Adelaidean somewhere interstate, that statement is met with one of the questions below.
On rare occasions, the eyes of the person I am conversing with will light up and they will profess their love for good ol’ Radelaide, because they had such a good time on that footy trip or that wine tour. Those people are my favourite.
But more than 60% of the time, it will first be met with “Ugh! I hate Adelaide!” or “poor you!”… and then one of the below questions. Those people are my least favourite.
And every time I am asked one of these questions, a snarky, sarcastic voice inside my head will respond before my polite mouth does. So here are those questions and my snarky, sarcastic responses… Aimed mostly at the 60%.
Questions all Adelaideans get asked.
“What is there to do in Adelaide?”
Plenty. Word on the street is that we’ll be getting our first cinema any day now, and the ‘World Wide Web’ is due to be installed in 2018. Can’t wait.
“Oh! Do you know *insert random’s name here*?
NO, FOOL. Adelaide has 1.3 million people and I don’t know them all. Wait, what was her name? Oh yeah, I went to school with her cousin… My bad.
“Have you been to Glenelg?”
Yes, dickhead. (Actually, when I mention my origins to non-Adelaideans they might not even ask this question, they’ll just say, “Oh yeah. Glenelg.”… as if they’ve just whispered the equivalent to the Pirate Code’s “Parley”. It’s odd.)