This post deals with suicide and addiction and may be triggering for some readers.
From desperation to devastation, Sarah’s infertility journey slowly led her down a path of self-destruction. For years, she and her husband tried to have a baby. They completed seven rounds of IVF, before they realised their reality: their story wasn’t going to end in children.
“I would’ve been happy to put up with the tens of thousands of dollars it cost, the unflattering changes in my body and appearance from the hormones, along with the huge mood swings I encountered, if I were able to have a child,” Sarah tells Mamamia.
“The rollercoaster of emotions is almost unfathomable. It took a gigantic toll on me mentally, emotionally and physically.”
Sarah, 41, fell into a “deep, dark depression” following her failed IVF attempts. At one point, she recalls trying to take her own life.
“I felt I had nothing to live for if I wasn’t going to be a mother. I laid in bed for months praying to be put out of my misery, praying not to wake up in the morning.”
To cope with her despair and numb her pain, Sarah secretly turned to crystal methamphetamine, also known as ice.