real life

A letter to my friend who is cheating on her husband.

I don’t think you believed me when I told you I understand. I was exactly where you are a few years back. I too was in love with someone who wasn’t my husband. I too dreamed of a different life from the one that I had.

This man and I, we seemed to follow each other around from place-to-place. There had always been a friendship, an attraction, however one or both of us was always in a relationship.

Then he got divorced.

And I got married.

Except that last time we came across each other, my marriage wasn’t in a good place and I have never felt so tempted. If he’d made even one move towards me I would have been a goner.

He didn’t make a move, although I know he wanted to. Our friendship has always been very strong. Our mutual respect has always been solid. He likes and respects me, and he likes and respects my husband.

He would never do that to me, to him, to us. He is a quality human being, a class-act. He didn’t pray on my weakness during a time of extreme stress.

As a result we are still friends to this day, although we have started to drift a little. These days we have very different lives.

"I too was in love with someone who wasn't my husband. I too dreamed of a different life from the one that I had." Image: Bridges of Madison County, Warner Bros.

That's what I was trying to tell you about the guy you are having an affair with.

He has preyed upon you in the most disgusting way, waiting waiting waiting until the strong, amazing, wonderful woman I know and love finally, after years and years and years of ignoring his pathetic attempts to start something with you, gave in. He's a parasite, and I can't wait until you wake up and see him for what he is. I can't wait until you realise what a waste of time and energy he has been.

You've been used and you don't know it yet. You still think you are start of some epic love story. You still think he might be the one you were meant to be with all along.

If I believed that, if I thought for a second he was even slightly worthy of your and worth destroying your family over, I would fully support you. You are my friend. You have been there for me. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you.

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You told me it's over. You told me you love your husband and want to keep your family in tact, however your words and your actions are saying different things and I am scared.

I am scared because I know you are frighteningly close to making a huge mistake.

I am scared because I am complicit now that I know.

I am scared, my friend, because I have seen the fallout of broken marriages and fractured families.

I'm worried for you. Some people could do it. They could walk away from their perfect family and amazing lives and try and see this new thing through. You are not one of those people. You will never survive it.


He will leave you in ruins. You are not the first person or the last person he will mess around with.

Please keep talking to me. Don't shut me out. You told me for a reason.

"I am scared, my friend, because I have seen the fallout of broken marriages and fractured families." Image: Miss You Already, Entertainment One

You reached out to me so you could draw the strength you needed to turn back to your husband and to your family and rebuild on whatever is left.

You have it in you to let this experience turn you into a much better version of yourself, someone who understands that the first choice you made was the right choice. Your judgement is clouded right now but I admire you so much. You don't get that. I don't feel angry or ashamed. I feel nothing but admiration for your strength.

You have been carrying this for so long and are now finally waking up from the dream (nightmare) and recognising what is really going on.

Hold onto that. Cling to that. Stay on the right path. You can do it. I know you can. Because I did it to. And I am here for you.

It's going to be okay.

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