"Dear divorce, I hate you yet I love you."

By Laura Lifshitz for YourTango.

You offered me the chance to be a better, happier me.

Dear Divorce:

You hurt me.

You make me sad. Hopeless. Feel lonely. Broke. Wonder why “this is happening to me.”

You screw me up when sometimes I miss my ex. Or sometimes when he’s nice, I remember all the good times all over again only to realise in a flash that those times are gone.

Dear divorce...


You take my child away from me for part of the time.

You make me lose seconds, minutes, hours, and days with my child. Moments that I can never get back. Parts of her childhood gone. Forever.

You make me work too much and too hard.

You have me doing it all — alone.

You make me jealous of strangers and friends. Their families. Homes. Lives.

You have me wondering day in and day out, "How am I going to do this?"

You make me endure co-parenting, which is another billion levels harder than parenting.

"You make me endure co-parenting."

You ask me to put up with BS and heartache.

You made me lose my home.

You made me lose my sanity.

You isolate me.

You have me up on Tinder and other dating sites thinking, 'What the f*ck am I doing?"

You have me wondering when I will meet an equal.

You crush my hopes.

Quite frankly divorce, I hate you. I hate you and yet I love you all at the same time.



You made me stronger.

"You made me stronger."

You made me a woman.

You made me learn to take care of me.

You made my career take off.

You made me learn hard lessons and still, you expect the most and best of me.

You shoved an ugly mirror in front of my face to teach me the lessons I needed to learn.

You planted anxiety and grief in my path and expected me to learn a way around it. Why? Because I'm capable.


You made me appreciate every hour with my child.

"I appreciate every moment with my child."

You help me teach her what it means to succeed, persevere, and move on.

You make me try a little harder. Work a little harder. Think a little smarter.

You make me hungry to succeed and you feed my fire to keep moving forward. To be the best I can be.

You made me learn to relinquish control. Oh, how hard that is for me. For many of us.

You made my life better. You lifted me up into a whole other place mentally and physically.

You told me, "Girl, you better work it," and expected no excuses or substitutions from me other than 200 per cent.

You made my life an envy to others.

You asked me to use my voice and skills to help myself and help others, and push me to keep on pushing my boundaries.

You ask so much of me and make me deliver each "deliverable."


You allow me to be the top dog of my home.

You connect me closely, to my one and only beloved child.

You made me look at the small things with joy.

"You made me look at the small things with joy."

You made me look at the big things with panic — and perspective.

You pulled me up by my bootstraps and pushed me out the front door and told me, "Deal with it."

You set me free from certain people I needed to be free from.

You gave me the ability to find someone that works and to stop trying to make someone see me for all I'm worth.

You told me I'm worthy.

You told me I can do this.

I don't always like you divorce. Most of the times, I hate you. But at the same time, thank you.

Even when it sucks and I can't stand co-parenting, or I'm lonely and miss my "old family" and wish I could have every day and second with my daughter, you offer me something good.

You offered me the chance to be a better, happier me.

With Gratitude,


What would you say to divorce, or to a breakup?

This post originally appeared on Your Tango.

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