When you first give birth, it’s easy to be convinced that you need all of the things.
The truth is, babies do need an absurd amount of things. The list is never-ending. And it’s almost impossible to know when to stop.
But you can sleep easy tonight knowing one thing: Your baby does not, and never will, need any of the following things.
1. The hand pillow
Look, nobody wants to say it, but everyone hates touching their babies. Problem solved.
2. Birthing dolls
Doubles as a handy voodoo doll for when your baby grows up and hates you for traumatising them with this insanely creepy doll.
Although, if you turn the doll upside down, it’s a small baby with an enormous black beard. So that’s… a little better?
3. The Changing Wrap
No, you are not mistaken. That is indeed a miniature straightjacket for your child.
3. Baby Perfume
Tired of your baby smelling like a human child? US TOO. Thankfully, you can now mask that gross ‘new baby’ scent with the smell of blue.
Blue to match the sky? Blue to match the ocean? Blue to match your baby’s new straightjacket? You decide!
5. Nurse Me Tender