By NICKY CHAMP
1. He/she gives you a drastic haircut even though you’re clearly in the midst of a personal crisis.
If you’ve marched in to the salon – hairspiration tears in tow – exclaiming you’re after a “whole new me”, it should be mandatory for the stylist (after lying you down on their spare psychiatrist’s couch) to ask if you might be in a fragile emotional state.
AND THEN REFUSE TO CUT YOUR HAIR.
I once had a hair appointment the day after I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me and instead of cancelling it, I went along and cut off roughly 30 inches of my long blonde hair into a bleached pixie crop.
Worst decision ever.
A dead giveaway that I might’ve been mentally unstable at the time was that I practically cried though the whole appointment, not sure how my hairdresser missed that huge red flag there. Needless to say, I never went back.
2. He/she just doesn’t get it.
I once had to break up with a hairdresser because despite repeatedly asking for something edgy, I kept leaving the salon looking like this:
It was 2006.
3. They split-end shame you.
“Who cut your hair last?”
“When WAS the last time you got a haircut?”
”Did you cut your own hair?”
It’s all just code for ‘you have really shit hair.’
Haircuts are expensive so if we’ve decided to have a go at some retro home hair cutting maintenance or attempted to cut a fringe with kitchen shears after one two many chardys that’s totally our prerogative, there’s no need to be an ass about it.
(Side note: a hairdresser in New York reckons he’s developed a cure for split ends but it’ll cost you. The service, requires special scissors that heat up to 310 degrees that seal the ends of the hair to “trap moisture inside” and prevent them from splitting, costs $350.)
4. He/she talks you out of a change because they clearly don’t have enough time to do it.
This has happened to me, which was kind of awkward because I was supposed to be trying out a new hair colour for a hair colour company. The appointment was made on my behalf so to be completely fair they might not have passed on the colour change memo.
Oh and I was er, a few minutes late to the appointment but in my defence instead of being honest with me the stylist said, “Lets just give you a toner to see if you like the colour change and then next time come and get the full colour.”
I could tell that he meant “I have no time to do a full colour change tonight, so this is my compromise.” At the end of the three-hour process I looked pretty much exactly the same and any “warmth” I had came out after one wash.