Science of Us published a fascinating interview today with a heterosexual man who is 58 years old, and still a virgin.
One could be forgiven for assuming, thanks to popular culture and movies with ‘loveable nerds’ like The 40-Year-Old Virgin, that the interview would be a slightly downcast but mostly entertaining read about someone who has never quite managed to close the deal.
In reality though, what this man has to say about loneliness, intimacy and his background is gut-wrenchingly sad.
Coming from a childhood of abuse, and spending a lifetime thinking he is ugly and unlovable, this 58-year-old man from California was brutally honest with Science of Us about what it’s like to have never been physically intimate with someone.
On how far he’s gone/what he’s actually done sexually with a woman:
“Nothing whatsoever, with anybody. I gave a girl a kiss on the lips when I was a kid, but it wasn’t a make-out or anything.”
On why he thinks he’s still a virgin:
“When people ask me why I’m a virgin, I tell them I suffer from terminal ugliness. I have an eye that doesn’t line up with the other one. I’d probably look better if I wore a pirate patch.”
“I was a rail-thin nerd; I’d stuff cardboard in my shoes to make myself taller and my left eye is messed up. I was afraid to sleep when my father was around, so I was always exhausted. One time I fell asleep sitting up and smashed my eye on a knob on the bedpost. It severed a nerve that closed my pupil. The pain was so extreme I couldn’t face the sun even with my eyes closed because it hurt so much. I had to walk around with my head tilted.”
On his abusive upbringing:
“My father was very abusive. He was always telling me I was useless and would never amount to anything. Once I was in my grandfather’s plane at 12,000 feet and my dad was yelling such terrible things that I tried to open the door and jump out.”
“I have a much older brother and there was a baby boy who passed away before I was born. He was crying, as infants do, and my dad made mom take the crib outside in the rain and leave him there until he stopped. My dad refused to take him to the hospital and he was dead by the time the ambulance arrived.”
On whether he has sexual fantasies:
“Sometimes I would imagine myself having sex or holding a cute person I knew. But I don’t masturbate much these days because it just causes misery and suffering. Also, I think I’ve got to the point where I no longer have much of a libido. My sex drive is just about gone.”