There is one sort of beauty story which always makes me roll my eyes, and it usually goes like this: “Hair and makeup that men LOVE!” It seems like those articles appear in every women’s magazine, and on every women’s website, and will continue to pop up as long as makeup and hairbrushes exist.
I believe that there is more to beauty than making yourself look acceptable and desirable to others. As a complex and creative woman, I don’t always want to look just “nice”. Beauty, for me, is not so much about being “pretty”, but instead, it’s about ideas, characters, eras and moods. There is nothing wrong with wanting your partner or crush to find you attractive, but personally and ultimately, I wear makeup and hairstyles for me.
A glaring exclusion from those “How to look HOT for him” articles is the LGBTIQ community. Hello, have we not noticed yet that Ellen Degeneres is a CoverGirl, and that she also represents so many things that excellent women can and should be? She rains down cheques on cute boys who want to marry each other, she’s funny, and yeah, she also has great skin.
And so, I am presenting you with a refreshing beauty story: hair and makeup that men HATE! And by “men”, I mean “my husband”.
I am always so amused when Jeff hates a particular hairstyle or makeup look, particularly as he gets all wide-eyed and can only use the word “weird” to describe it. Most importantly, I know that under all the makeup, he loves me for who I am on the inside. I can wipe off all the makeup or plaster it on thickly; whatever I do, he’ll still want to snuggle up with me at the end of the day.
Here is my attempt to get Jeff to expand further on “weird”.
1. Baby Spice pigtail buns
When two (hair buns) become one (fantastic hairstyle)! Cheeky, nostalgic and youthful, the Baby Spice pigtail buns are easy to achieve and have maximum impact. This is also a practical hairstyle, because when you have long, thick hair like mine, a topknot or high ponytail can sometimes become painful, causing me to take out my hair-tie and scold it: Stop right now, thank you very much, I need two pigtail buns to even out the weight distribution!
“The buns were weird. Very outdated. It was kind of like a crappy Princess Leia look. If you’re going to go for the buns, you better have the full croissant… well, not croissant… you know, like, the snails? That’s what you gotta go for. Your hair looked like little tennis balls, or golf balls of hair on your head.
"Hair should just be, like, normal. Long, flowing, clean, without lice. If you were walking down the street like that, people would think that you were going through some sort of strange regression, trying to pretend you’re six. It’s an unusual look, to have your hair in little golf balls of hairlets. I guess it’s stress-free, because once you put it in the buns, your hair’s all up. I don’t know.”