BY RENZA SCIBILIA
I wrote this post immediately after a recent miscarriage. Now, a couple of weeks down the track, I am less raw, but still very sad.
The reason I wrote this piece was to try to explain how I was feeling to those around me. I was unable to say anything through the grief. But even though I can now talk about it, I still think that these stories are important because we should be able to freely talk about miscarriage and loss – even when the emotion can be quite confronting.
Today, I am doing much better. The miscarriage took place while I was in New York with my family. We’ve since returned home and I’m back at work and I’m slowly but surely coming to terms with what I have lost. I know that I will continue to feel pain for some time – maybe forever – but each day is a little easier. My family and friends have been an endless source of support to me and I thank them.
I am raw and I know that I probably shouldn’t be writing at the moment. I know that I will regret the words and I know that I will look back and remember the sadness, but not the intensity and pain I am feeling now.
I am bleeding and I am crying and I am sore. Forty-eight hours ago I was 13 weeks pregnant. I was at a friend’s 40th birthday party and was enjoying sharing with people the reason for my little round tummy. Because that’s what you do at 13 weeks. You feel safe and start to tell people. You start to buy clothes a little bigger than usual. You spend $500 on a freaking nappy bag. I shouldn’t have felt safe. My body doesn’t do safe; it does broken.