We all know the old adage "never pee into the wind," but there are some additional, quality, "how to" ideas about peeing that are not, apparently, self-evident. For those times, here are:
15 Rules for Peeing: A Primer for Kids
Rule 1. No playing in your brother's pee stream.
"Only play in my own pee stream? Got it, Mum!"
Rule 2. No playing in your own pee stream.
No playing in pee streams in general. Under certain circumstances, and using your own equipment, exceptions can be made for activities like peeing straight down into snow and then measuring for comparison. I mean, we parents aren't monsters.
Rule 3. No pee fights. Just no.
Rule 4. If you've ever wondered what it sounds like to pee on the wall or in the garbage can or on the floor or in the toy bin or inside the garage or behind your bed, IT SOUNDS LIKE PEE. STOP IT.
Rule 5. A swimsuit is for getting wet. A swimsuit is not for wetting. Don't pee in the pool. More importantly, when you do pee in the pool, don't announce it. Announcing it includes both verbal and nonverbal clues. Verbal clues include hollering, "I just peed in the pool, Mum! It made a nice warm spot! Come feel!" Nonverbal clues include scrambling out of the pool, grabbing your private parts and then watching the pee dribble down your legs.
Rule 6. Pee is not stamps or coins or baseball cards or comic books. Don't collect it.
Rule 7. Yes, of course you can pee outside. Usual rules apply. Keep it off the verandah. Be sneaky. Keep your bits to yourself. Make sure you have sufficient coverage. Don't get arrested. Please note: the sapling in the front yard -- or anywhere on the playground at school -- doesn't count as "sufficient coverage."
Rule 8. Our toilet doesn't leak. I know it's pee. Clean it up.