real life

The most hilarious questions kids have ever asked.

Questions. All day long. Endless. Continuous. Relentless.

My son asked me a question that stopped me in my tracks last week.

I was happily listening to my old-fogey news radio station of choice which is a constant backgrounder in our house when he looked at me quizzically and said “Mama, how small are the people on the radio?”

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It took me a few seconds to work out what he was talking about as I glanced towards our shoe-boxed sized radio. As images of inch long Eleanor Halls entered my mind, I smiled and answered him with as much truth as I could bear to muster up at the time.

“About this big,” I told him as I pinched my fingers together.

I couldn’t quite bring myself to destroy those magical images of pint sized journalists living inside our radios telling us the stories of the day.

They are incessant aren’t they – kids.

Questions. All day long.

Endless. Continuous. Relentless.

A study last year showed that mums are asked more questions an hour than a teacher or a doctor.

The research found that four-year old girls were the most curious, asking 390 questions a day.

Averaging a question every one minute 56 seconds.

( My daughter is three, phew – one more year...)

With this in mind, I set out to find some of the most awesome, amazing, delicious questions that a child had ever asked:

1. Evie  - aged seven after a drug-awareness program at school: "Mum, how do you smoke a pot? Do you stick your head in it? What are they breathing in? Won't the steam burn you if the stove is on?"

2. In the bathtub on Christmas Eve two brothers. As Master six talks about God. Master four: “Mum, is God a kid at Jasper’s school?”

3. Seven-year-old: "Are there more leaves in the world or blades of grass?"

Mum: "Er, blades of grass."

Seven-year-old: "What about trees? Are there more trees than buildings?"

Mum: "Er, trees."

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Seven-year-old: "Are there more bricks in the world or bird feathers?"

Mum: "Hey, tell me about that castle you built in Minecraft."

4. Daughter: "Mum, why's your tummy big?"

Mum: "That's because I'm expecting a baby."

Daughter: "Where's the baby?"

Mum: "Inside my tummy!"

Daughter: (Looking totally shocked) "OMG you ate the baby?"

5. Four-year-old: "Hey dad, when are you gonna die?"

Dad: "I don't know, hopefully not for a long time."

Four-year-old: "Oh...well when you and mum die I want new parents."

Dad: "You what?"

Four-year-old: "I love you guys, but I need parents. I'm not old enough to use the stove."

6. "I teach swimming lessons. My favourite question has been: 'When do we learn how to breathe underwater?'."

7. In the middle of dinner, with no context: "What did it feel like on your last day of being a child?"

8. While on a flight a little girl turned and said, "If the Care Bears live up here, then where does Jesus live?"

9. While cookies are baking, and my 3-year-old niece asks, "Are the cookies loading?" SIGNS OF THE TIMES

10. "What is the name of the space between the bits that stick out on a comb?"

11. "Since your eyes are blue, does that mean you see everything in blue?"

12. "Mum has Daddy ever seen your bagina?"

13. "In the olden days was everything black and white?"

14. "How do I know that I'm real and not just a dream of someone else?"

What’s the greatest question you’ve ever been asked by a child?

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