11 parenting questions I need answered

1. What is it about getting into bed that makes children so thirsty?

2. Have toy manufacturers ever been to a supermarket? Do they know that eggs get around just fine without being wired to their cartons?

3. Do you think the person who invented glitter later came to regret it?

4. Is there an official government position on when you should stop referring to yourself in the third person ("Give Mummy the spoon") to your children?

5. Does the new baby smell have an expiration date?

6. Why are sailor suits for baby boys such a big thing? Is it because they swam around in amniotic fluid for nine months?

7. You know that terrible, silent pause a baby or toddler makes after they get hurt but before they begin crying? Does that pause just become a lot of swearing (@#%#!!!) when we become adults?


8. Does the Pediatricians' recommendation that children limit screen time to under two hours a day have a clause for sick days, rainy days or juicy celebrity scandals?

9. Do the people who say that the best cure for nappy rash is to let a baby run around without a nappy live in homes without carpets?

10. Why is it "don't make me count to three"? Why isn't it "four" or "five" so that we don't have to pause after "two" for such a long time?

11. If "in nappies" and "potty trained" are part of the popular lexicon, shouldn't there also be a pithy phrase to describe kids who can poo in the potty but need to be wiped by an adult?

(Some of these questions previously ran on the blog Mammalingo… but in Pig Latin.)

This post was originally published on The Huffington Post and has been republished with full permission
Melissa Sher has written  for The Huffington Post, the New York Times (online), Chicago Tribune and DailyCandy Kids. You can and should follow her blog here
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