Parenting and that underlying guilty feeling well, they go hand in hand. That ‘not good enough’ feeling is all too familiar, affecting almost all of us at some point. As parents we are often our harshest critics.
But a new study, commissioned by Smartrike, has found some surprising reasons why we’re getting the guilts.
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Surveying over 1000 Australian mums and dads, the study found that we are incredibly hard on ourselves as parents with over 80 per cent of respondents saying that they have second guessed a decision they’ve made in relation to their child. When asked to rate themselves as parents on a scale of 1-10, only ten per cent indicated they would rate themselves as a nine or above. That means 9o per cent of us feel like we’re not doing the best we can. Harsh, guys.
The pressure on new parents is huge and the study reflected that. People were asked to rate the pressure they felt was placed on mums and dads with young babies and more than half of them said they agreed that there was a feeling of needing to be perfect but interestingly, 60 per cent say the most pressure comes from themselves.
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Top Comments
I think the guilt and second-guessing is because today's parents have a lot less support from older generations than they once did. Older generations and grandparents have a calming influence on parenting, providing reassurance and reality checks about what's worth worrying about, based on their own experience. It's sad that so many parents are parenting in isolation. They get insecure because there are few indicators to show that they are doing a good job, except maybe for comparisons with other parents which is a dangerous slippery slope to get on.
In Buddhism, parents are encouraged to not feel guilt - ever. This philosophy is based around the premise that children are making their own choices from the minute they are born and are therefore responsible for their own life outcomes. This concept is difficult to accept at first but the more you consider it, the more truthful it seems. We can't walk that journey for them, they have to make their journey alone. We all do.
Yes. My mother once told me that if I felt I was making the right decision, then I should stick by it and not feel guilty. She also had a really good perspective on most things having raised 3 boys and 1 girl (me). I think social media plays a large part in modern parenting. Ignore what other people are doing and insist on doing things your way.