According to the Women’s Health and Research Institute of Australia (WHRIA), Vaginismus is “an involuntary spasm or contraction of the muscles surrounding the lower third of the vagina with attempts at any form of vaginal penetration.” It is thought to affect 1-7 per cent of the female population, with no single known cause. Women who are affected cannot use tampons, undergo routine vaginal examinations such as Pap smears and usually cannot engage in penetrative sex. Many GPs have never heard of the condition and women sometimes live untreated for months or years.
To the doctor who hurt me:
I was one of your patients in 2016. Probably a pretty nondescript one – I usually came in to ask for routine blood tests and prescriptions. But one day I took a deep breath and I told you something that had been terrifying me for years: I couldn’t use tampons, and I didn’t think I could have sex.
I still remember your brow furrowing.
I knew, as I climbed onto the examination table and draped the cold white sheet over my awkward nakedness; I knew that you would find the same impenetrable wall that I had. But I hoped (how I hoped!) that by some miracle, the speculum would prevail.
Cold at first, alien. Then pain that sent my pelvis jerking towards the ceiling, desperate to escape what now felt like a butcher’s knife plunging deep inside me. I remember exclaiming (politely), just saying “Ooh, that hurt!”, just managing to hide the deranged scream that longed to escape me. Because surely this was normal.
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Im so glad you found someone to help you!
I had a similar experience. I was 16. I had tried to have sex with my then bf and it had hurt like hell. I tried again and again but it never got any easier. It didn't matter how much I wanted to have sex or how ready I was it would feel like my vagina clamped shut and wouldn't budge. It always made me want to cry because it was so painful (and he never wanted to do that to me even if I swore I wanted to keep trying). I went to my GP for routine stuff and while I was there I was brave enough to summon all of my teenage courage to ask her about why it hurt me so much. She told me "it just does for some women". That was it. No advice. No research. No "I'll think about it". Basically this is your life. I was so upset that I'd never have anything but painful sex because it was just how I was made.
It took another 10 years for me to find the right help. At 16 I was young and vulnerable. I asked for help and I got total dismissal. I lived with that pain thinking it was normal for way too long.
Thank you for sharing. Hearing from other women with their own stories has helped me so much.