'There was just nothing left.' 12 women share the moment they knew their relationship was over.

Content warning: This story contains references to domestic abuse and could be distressing for some readers.

The end of a long-term relationship is never easy, especially when kids are involved and your lives are intricately entwined. 

The decision to separate might be because of small issues over the years that build to a crescendo, or a single striking realisation of unhappiness. 

It can be a devastating blow, or a release into freedom.

Watch: Glennon Doyle on the ending of her marriage. Post continues below.

We reached out to our Mamamia community to ask about the moment these 12 women knew their relationship was over, how it made them feel, and what they did next. 

From cheating revelations to differing libidos, this is what they had to say.

1. 'I didn't miss him when he was away.'

"I knew it was over when I was holding my six-month-old daughter with a crying 18-month-old toddler attached to my leg; I had tonsillitis for the first time in my life and I felt like death. My husband had gone away for two weeks with the army reserves because he hadn’t had a break/holiday in five years. (Funnily enough, neither had I).

"I thought to myself, 'I hope he gets shot'. When I told my mum the next day, she said, 'Darling, I think you’re done.' 

"It was a long time ago now. We have both married other people and have a good relationship."

2. 'He was a narcissist.'

"I was married many years ago to a narcissistic perpetrator of intimate violence. He was a police officer. I experienced his criticisms, isolation from family and friends, his rage, and much more.

"The catalyst was when his own family began bullying him. Rather than engaging with them to resolve the issues that he was having, he told me, 'I don’t love you anymore, but I care for you and if it doesn’t work with you, it won’t work with anyone.' I still don’t know what that means to this day. 

"I tried to walk away from the relationship many times. In the end, I lied to get away from him, saying I was going away for a bit. But I never went back."

3. 'We couldn't agree on how to spend our money.'

"I left my husband. The moment that I realised I didn’t have a future with him was about a month after we purchased our first apartment. We bought something that needed a lot of work and we had discussed what we would do before putting an offer in. For me, redoing the kitchen was an absolute must. Then when we got to the renovations, he didn’t want to redo the kitchen. He just wanted to update the cupboards because it would cost too much. 

"That may sound so silly, and it probably is to other people outside the relationship. For years I lived in a cheap sh*tty apartment with him because he couldn’t justify spending another $50 to $100 a week on something nice and new. I came from a very unprivileged family and lived in an ex-government house my entire childhood and was always ashamed of my home. I worked my absolute butt off at school and uni to get a good job and be able to afford that beautiful home. Purely just for me. At the time, we were on a combined income of over $300k. We had plenty of money in the bank and our only debt was our mortgage. 

"When I wasn’t allowed to do what I had envisioned for the kitchen, that’s when I knew we would never be on the same page financially. Of course there were so many other things, but we just had very different values."

4. 'We were all afraid of him.'

"We had a family dinner reservation at 5pm at our local restaurant for a special event. He had arrived home moments before from a day out solo on his boat while I was wrangling sport drop offs, grocery shopping, and a week of laundry. I stood in the hallway listening to him scream at me about how useless I was. Telling me that our kids are not allowed to play in the street without his permission. That they can’t go to their friends' house unless he says so. 

"I could physically feel him in that moment slowly stripping away my rights as a parent to make decisions. I ran out the door and grabbed my girls from the neighbour’s house while he stood on the doorstep screaming at me to do it faster. I heard the wall being punched right in front of their eyes as they were all lined up for a smack just for playing with their friends. 

"I realised I was absolutely afraid of him and could do nothing to protect my kids from him. My four-year-old daughter who was with me while the older kids were being verbally abused whispered, 'Let’s get out of here and go to another house. I’m ready. I’ve got us a tent to sleep in.' I looked down at her and she was standing in her favourite Elsa dress, clutching her princess tent in its carrier and her teddies stuffed into the top of it. She had packed and was ready to go. 

"In that moment, I knew it was time. I rushed around and got the kids ready. I told the kids to put their favourite shoes and clothes on. They looked at me. They knew in my eyes. I grabbed my laptop, iPad, charger and handbag and went to the car and put them in. I looked at them both in the rear-view mirror and at my son sitting beside me. I was cold. 

"I told my kids we couldn’t go back and that my job was to show them how life should be and that I didn't want them to behave like that or be treated by someone else like that. I’ve never looked back.

"I came back a month later and kicked him out of our beautiful home. He stalked and assaulted me and I had him charged. He ended up in a mental health unit and is now on his path with therapy and seeing the kids twice a week. It was the best decision I ever made!"

5. 'He broke something precious to me.'

"My ex-husband broke the handles of my designer handbag during a fight when I was trying to leave (a bag that I had worked really hard to save for and buy, which he knew). At first I felt quite vain that out of all of things he had done (of which there were many), it was a materialistic thing that was the final straw.

"What I have since understood is that it was the realisation he had absolutely no respect for me, ignoring my pleads to let it go, and the glint of pleasure in his eyes when he succeeded in breaking it and seeing he had hurt me by doing so."

6. 'My children told me to leave him.'

"The exact moment I knew my marriage was over was eight years ago. I had been enduring an emotionally abusive marriage for quite a while. We have four kids and I believed it was best that the family stayed together until all of them had grown and found their path in life. I didn't want my children growing up in a broken home.

"I thought the children, aged between 16 and four, were oblivious to the abuse and treatment I was receiving. One night, my 16-year-old and 12-year-old came to me together crying about the way their father treated me. Their unity in concern was like a punch to the face and I realised they weren't oblivious after all.

"I spoke to my husband later in the evening when they were in bed, stating that his treatment of me was not just effecting me, but our children as well. He pulled them out of their beds and berated them about coming to me with their concerns. It was in that exact moment that I realised my marriage was truly over.

"I needed to end our marriage not just for me, but for them. In the early hours of the morning, we left him. It's not been easy, but we are all thriving now."

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7. 'A conversation with my mother-in-law made me see the future.'

"There were so many things piling on top of each other, but the final thing was a conversation with my mother-in-law about an event with my father-in-law that made her furious. I realised then that the issues we were having were learned from his parents, and I did not want to feel like she did in 20 years' time. 

"It was very much a 'this is a snapshot into your future' moment."

8. 'I discovered he had an affair.'

"I knew our 10 year marriage was done when I came home from a well-deserved night out with friends to him in a horrible sulky mood. This was my first night out in over a year since our triplets were born and we had four kids under three years old. 

"When I checked his email, I saw he had been having discussions with a friend about his soul mate and how they had been discussing the names of their future children together. The kicker was he met her when our babies were in NICU. She was a nurse!"

9. 'We were sexually incompatible.'

"As poor students, we saved and planned this wonderful romantic weekend away. We arrived at this very romantic, luxurious (for us) cottage. The bed is the centrepiece of this space. And he says, 'Shall we go for a bush walk?' 

"I realised I would always have a higher libido and always be the one instigating intimacy. We would never be on the same page about physicality - regardless of circumstances. We stayed together another six months, trying to make it work, but my insight in that moment turned out to be correct."

10. 'A stranger made me realise it was over.'

"A drunk bloke we were driving home asked my boyfriend and I if we were thinking of getting married. Before I could answer, my partner told the guy he wasn't into marriage. 

"It was fun finding out you're not on the same page through some stranger asking the question! I stuck it out about six more months, but that was a red flag."

11. 'He hit me in front of the children.'

"My partner was abusive, and he hit me in front of the children. He was always a terrible person. I knew before we were married but the wheels were in motion and he had already eroded my self-esteem and isolated me from my support network. 

"The universe put the situation in lights on a billboard when he hit me on my birthday in front of both our children. I could not pretend or deny the situation any longer. So, it was over."

12. 'The holiday was not fun.'

"I'd always thought that when you went on holiday together, away from the stresses and strains of daily life, if you still had fun together, then you were probably okay.

"My last holiday with my (now ex) husband was not fun. We didn't connect even slightly. I'd already known our relationship was in trouble, but after that I knew it was doomed. There was just nothing left of us as a couple."

Laura Jackel is Mamamia's Family Writer. For links to her articles and to see photos of her outfits and kids, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

Feature Image: Getty.