Last week I was driving through the lush hills of Tuscany on my honeymoon. I rarely get to sound this worldly, so bear with me.
In truth, I wasn’t the one driving. My husband was. Moments earlier I had attempted to drive – but within seconds I stalled the engine, threw my hands up and relinquished the keys to my partner because that’s the kind of tenacity he fell in love with.
The mental circus of operating a manual car in a foreign country went straight to my too-hard basket. Why induce sweaty palms and overseas insurance woes when he was happy to do the driving anyway?
Fast forward a few days later and we’re in Florence flitting between cathedrals and our next plate of pasta.
Although I was hands-on in planning the trip, once there I had decided it was none of my business how we actually made things happen. John’s better at reading maps anyway, so I happily took in the sights while he did the navigating.
As the days passed, I noticed he was getting a feel for this vibrant new city, conquering language barriers and public transport systems – yet I still had no clue. I had appointed myself official gelateria patrol person, constantly strolling three paces behind him and that was the extent of my personal development.
Listen: Osher Gunsberg shares some A-grade relationship advice. Post continues after audio.
Being a tourist isn’t brain surgery. I knew I could do what he was doing if I had to but I just…didn’t. Because he was there to do it for me.
Top Comments
Great observations, and so true.
I was mostly single, living in a new city where I knew no-one (at first anyway) for a number of years before I met my husband and I didn't realise it at the time, but it was somewhat of a burden to have to do EVERYTHING for myself. I didn't even realise it bothered me until I eventually let go of a few things and it felt great. It was tempting to keep going that way, but it is true that you can miss out - the example of the writer letting her husband take charge on the honeymoon and this impacting her experience was spot on.
These days, we split a lot of tasks or take turns at others, which I feel is a good balance.
Dangerous to let one partner do all the finances. Ever heard of sexually transmitted debt?
My first hubby died when we were in our 30 s. I got a job that involved driving in parts of Sydney I hadn't driven before, new places every day. I had to learn to do a bunch of things he previously did. I'm telling you, when you're crying is not a good time to learn to navigate in the dark.
Keep your independence, girls. Anything can happen.