'I grew up watching the Queen in my living room. Today, I feel a profound sense of loss.'

I’ve long been a fan of the Queen and her unwavering love of a twin-set, but more than that, I’ve had admiration for a woman who worked for over 70 years in dutiful service to her country. 

News of her passing kept me up through the early hours of this morning, perhaps it resulted from access she had given us to her life over decades, the comfort in knowing she was reuniting with the Duke of Edinburgh, or the profound loss that any of us feel when someone we care about passes away. 

"Grief," as the Queen so poetically verbalised it, "is the price we pay for love." I think many of us loved her, as an extension of our families, as a link to another world, as a connection to the old guard.

Today, like many others who grew up watching her in our living rooms, I feel a sense of loss, an end to a chapter, a bittersweet finale to a person we felt we knew.

Queen Elizabeth was a pioneer for women; becoming a girl guide in 1937 and picking up studies at Eton college at 13. 

On her 16th birthday, she carried out her first public engagement when she inspected the Grenadier Guards, as colonel-in-chief. A 16-year-old female, in charge of an army of men.

A young Princess Elizabeth at a girl guide camp at Frogmore, Windsor. Image: Getty.

By 1947, she married her third cousin, Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh, and remained loyal to him for 73 years.

Over the lifespan of their relationship, you could see a cheekiness, a reverence, a joy that they shared, the kind curated through years of private jokes, family hardships, and a journey filled with lessons in resilience.

Princess Elizabeth and husband Philip on their wedding day in 1947. Image: Getty.

She took up reign in 1952, a time where marriage was the highest priority for women, more important than career or qualifications. Women had the hands that held up homes but they did not lead nations, however, the queen did, and she held on to her title for 70 years.

Sure, she was Queen, that’s an easier role than any of ours to maintain you might say, but is it?

Imagine carrying the weight and judgment of the Commonwealth on your shoulders, the responsibility of wars, addresses to the UN in your early thirties, discussions with world leaders, critical decision making, all while being viewed as genetically inferior and bucking the criticisms to fulfil a role you may never have wanted, having most decisions forced and thrust upon you, your voice silenced, and your personal views taking a backseat to the responsibility you carry in your role?

I wonder how many of us, in this age of self-awareness, would comfortably sit in that chair for seven minutes, let alone 70 years.

Queen Elizabeth on the balcony at Buckingham palace after her official coronation in 1953. Image: Getty.

We’ve seen through the criticisms of Diana and Meghan, that the establishment and codes within 'The Firm' aren’t easy to abide by, but she did. 

At a time where she could have rejected the role, she took it up with courage and pioneered the celebrity persona of the royals by allowing a behind-the-scenes documentary into the private lives of the royals in 1969. It was the first time the Windsors' family life was broadcast across the UK, proving her understanding of the importance of access and connection between the public and her private life. 

Yes, it was produced content likely restricted by a long list of requirements but knowing this makes me wonder if she actually had an issue with Harry, Meghan, Fergie and even Diana speaking out about the establishment when she had almost paved the way for them to do so. 

As far as Harry goes, maybe the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree?

The Queen with Prince Charles and Prince Edward in 1969 at Windsor Castle. Image: Getty.

By 1981, she survived an assassination attempt, and in 1982, she was negotiating with Michael Fagan who sat at the edge of her bed as he held her hostage. It’s said she spoke calmly for 10 minutes until help arrived. She was still. Measured. Wise.

Among her decisions to continue to allow public access to her private life was the call to allow public access to Windsor Castle in an effort to restore the palace after a destructive fire tore through the property in 1992. 

It might have been a means to an end, but it was also incredibly brave after her experience with Michael Fagan. She chose the Establishment over personal safety and privacy when it would have been completely reasonable to retreat from public life.

The Queen and President Ronald Reagan riding through the Windsor estate in 1982. Image: Getty.

By 1997, the family faced unfathomable tragedy when Princess Diana was killed in a car accident. It took days before she addressed the public as "their queen and as a grandmother." 

Despite many criticisms of this address, she protected her grandsons and spoke of Diana’s smile and philanthropy. Her grief for her grandsons was clear and she would take them under her wing for the rest of her life.

By the early 2000s, more public grief followed as her sister, Princess Margaret, and her mother, passed away within a month of each other in February and March 2002. A month later, she celebrated her golden jubilee; 50 years of public life, five decades reigning as queen, and years of personal loss and trauma, all performed with her signature focus and commitment.

The Queen with Princess Margaret, the Queen Mother and Princess Diana at Sandringham in Christmas 1994. Image: Getty.

In 2010, the economic crisis crippled countries all over the world. In an act of solidarity and social awareness, she cancelled Christmas, to avoid rubbing her riches in the faces of those experiencing hardship. In doing so, she taught her family humility and made the public feel seen.

By 2011, she visited Ireland, the first British monarch to do so since their separation in 1927. Perhaps at this point, age had mellowed her, but I see great beauty in someone trying to correct historic wrongdoing by acknowledging the mistakes of the past and the unnecessary carnage that can be caused by power in the wrong hands. 

Whatever her reasons, her efforts and apology were significant.

By 2013, the Succession to the Crown Act removed gender as a requirement for succession, ensuring that lineage was what mattered and not whether the next in line was male or female. She was progressive and fair in this decision.

The Queen meets some corgis in Canada. Image: Getty.

By 2015, she was already the British Monarchy’s longest serving Queen and by 2017, her Sapphire Jubilee was celebrated.

By 2020, she faced a pandemic, giving hope to the public in her address, reminding the public that joy and reunions with family and friends would soon follow. In spite of not knowing how the pandemic would play out, she sought to give hope in what felt like a drawn out and hopeless situation for many.

In 2021, she lost the love of her life, her darling husband, her confidant, her friend, Prince Philip. She described the loss as leaving a "huge void." Her grief was palpable. There were glimpses of her sorrow and loneliness, particularly at his funeral.

Just over a year later, she celebrated her 70 year reign, giving the public more sartorial moments on the Buckingham Palace balcony to remember her by, thanking the public for showing up for her.

The Queen enjoys a moment on the balcony with Prince George for her Platinum Jubilee. Image: Getty.

At 96, and just two days before her death, she even dutifully appointed the 15th UK prime minister of her reign, Liz Truss at Balmoral Castle, as if she knew her time was up and stability for her nation was more important than addressing her health. It’s fair to say that by 96 she had earned the right to a few days of sick leave.

On September 8, 2022, Queen Elizabeth passed away, having carved a future for her family, leaving a legacy of service, a commitment to the Commonwealth, and an impeccable, brightly coloured wardrobe.

She had privilege, but she also had choice and her choices appeared to give hope, optimism, positivity, connection, and access. She was wise, measured, sophisticated, educated, hard-working and respectful, even in the midst of criticism.

At 96, this dedicated woman can finally rest, back in the arms of her beloved. Her reign sends an important lesson in leadership across the world, that effective leadership is about service and what you can offer those in your charge. There is beautiful grace and humility in this, and I believe she did her best to strike the right balance.

She was a powerful sovereign, a loving mother, a besotted grandmother and a lady who deserves her place in history.

Miriam Sawan is a media and communications professional for a leading plaintiff litigation law firm. She’s a doting wife and mother of one (soon to be two), a lover of literature and a storyteller who is in love with the power and connection created through written word.

Feature Image: Getty.