'My husband asked for a paternity test after the birth of our third baby.'

Mutual trust and respect are essential qualities for every long-term relationship.

But what if your partner loses trust in you when you did nothing wrong? How do you ever recover?

This is the challenging situation faced by one 24-year-old mum-of-three whose husband requested a paternity test after the birth of their third child.

While the test came back positive, she posted in the Relationships Advice thread on Reddit, about how their relationship has struggled ever since.

"My husband and I have three children; our sons look exactly like him but our daughter doesn't, she looks exactly like my great grandparents," the woman writes.

"From the moment he saw her, he told me he wanted a paternity test. At first, I refused because I felt it was humiliating and because I didn't think it was necessary because I never cheated on him.

"I hoped he would trust me but he didn't and for the first two months of our daughter's life, he made my life hell."

Watch: Reese Witherspoon on emotional abuse in relationships. Post continues below. 

While their two boys have dark hair, eyes and skin, it was her daughter's blonde hair, pale skin and green eyes that elicited such shocking behaviour from her husband this time around.

"He didn't want to hold her even if she cried desperately... he never helped me with anything and that hurt me so much because with our boys he was completely different. He helped me all the time with absolutely everything and he was always there for me after giving birth [to the boys], but this time he left me alone. 

"It was the worst experience of my life. I have no family here and his entire family, from the moment they saw my daughter, also turned their backs on me. I don't have any friends here either so it was just my daughter and me. 

"She is a colicky baby, so it was very difficult for me to do everything alone, and on top of that, help with our sons."

Eventually, the woman went ahead with the paternity test as she felt it was the only way to clear her name.

"One day, his entire family came to our house to celebrate my son's birthday, and no one spoke to me and they didn't want to include my daughter in the photos that my in-laws took of all the grandchildren. I knew it was stupid to keep waiting for them to come to their senses.

"Well, the paternity test came back positive and everyone was shocked and of course, they felt guilty for not believing in me. Everyone apologised and my husband even cried when he held our daughter in his arms for the first time.

"I know that his apologies were genuine, and that's why I forgave him, but I don't know if I can forgive his family. They treated me really badly and said horrible things about me just a few days after giving birth and I can't forget their insults or violence. I am getting tired of this situation. I want us to be as happy as we were before."

Certified relationship coach Katie O'Donoghue says that this complex and emotionally charged situation is difficult to recover from.

"It's obvious the husband has projected his own insecurities or past trauma onto the wife in the face of the baby girl not 'looking' like him," she told Mamamia.

"Equally, it's possible that the husband's lack of trust in his wife and the projection of infidelity might be connected to his own actions, because when a person accuses another of cheating, it can stem from unresolved fear and guilt related to the accuser's actions.

"The wife's response is understandable as she may now feel hurt and betrayed by her husband's lack of trust and the way his family treated her. Perhaps, this is a reason she now feels the need to be near her own family so that she has a trustworthy support system, especially when there are kids involved."

Katie says that for trust to be rebuilt in this kind of situation, therapy is needed.

"Therapy is the most obvious solution coupled with open communication, the husband and wife both acknowledging their insecurities considering this, and apologies from all people involved – including the husband's family.

"Regardless of how this relationship unfolds, both partners need to be willing to work on themselves, and the relationship, for it to have a chance at recovery."

In an update on her original post, the woman said they have tried to move beyond the broken trust.

"I asked him to cut off contact with his family forever because I don't want our children to suffer what I suffered with them, and he agreed. At the moment, our plan is to travel for Christmas and we will go to couple and individual therapy and hope to solve our problems."

Katie O'Donoghue is a Relationship Coach and the host of the Self Explained podcast. You can find more about her on Instagram or her website.

Feature Image: Getty.

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