This is why your parenting 'mistakes' are actually a good thing.

Children don't come with a manual or an instruction guide on how to raise them. Can you even imagine what a manual like that would look like?! How would it reflect the diversity of every family or every child? After all, no two children are the same, even in the same family. 

Given that we don't have magical crystal balls to tell us the best thing to do in any given situation, making mistakes is inevitable as a parent, but parenting – and life in general – is about embracing the unknown, being curious and sometimes getting creative when unknown situations arise.

In fact, it's through our experiences, mistakes and failures that we learn how to parent. We might get it wrong, or we might get it right, but either way, we are learning, and it's so important to embrace both right and wrong. 

And it's through this experience of getting things wrong and getting things right that magic truly happens.

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Parenting is one of the most challenging jobs but it can also be enriching and gratifying. It's hard work, but as parents, we are rewarded by seeing our young people thrive and develop resilience.

Learning from our mistakes teaches young people what resilience looks, sounds and feels like. If we don't make a mistake or acknowledge them, how can we teach our young people what to do when they make a mistake? How will our children learn to be emotionally resilient?

In fact, mistakes are essential for effective parenting. Here's why...

Perfection is unattainable.

As parents, we often put ourselves under tremendous pressure to be perfect, but perfection is unattainable. We should remember that parenting is not a test where we pass or fail. There is no such thing as perfect parenting, and it's okay to make mistakes along the way. Each child and their needs are different, which makes every parenting journey unique. A key concept is that we want to normalise for our children that it is not about perfection but the journey of learning along the way. 

Children learn from their parents’ mistakes.

Children need to learn and understand that we all make mistakes. When parents acknowledge and take ownership of their mistakes, they set a powerful example for their children, helping them learn valuable lessons about accountability, taking responsibility for their actions, and ultimately developing resilience.

Mistakes offer growth opportunities.

Mistakes are opportunities to grow, and it's essential to learn from them. When parents make mistakes, it allows them to have a conversation with their kids about what they might have done differently. It's not about the mistakes themselves; it's about how we respond to them and what action we take to grow as a person.

There's a connection between empathy and mistakes, too, as when we as parents make mistakes, it helps us empathise with our children. When we make a mistake, the first thing that occurs is an emotion of either frustration or sadness that something could have been done differently. It's essential to help children understand the emotions that arise when they make a mistake – and to learn that, ultimately, the emotion that resolves a mistake is empathy, where the parent and child connect through a tricky experience and get through it together with a new and deeper understanding of each other.

How to turn 'mistakes' into teachable moments in life.

There's a clear teaching 'process' we can use when we make mistakes to help our kids learn from them. It looks like this:

• First, identify that a 'mistake' or an error in judgement has happened.

• Then, seek to understand why the 'mistake' has occurred.

• Next, acknowledge that we could have done something differently.

• Try to connect with the emotion around the mistake, and ultimately need to make the choice to be kind to ourselves.

• Be sure to apologise – both to ourselves and to others if a mistake has impacted another person. Saying sorry and apologising is essential for our children’s emotional growth, resilience and learning about what is socially appropriate.

• Explain to your kids why this was seen as a mistake, and use the language of 'mistake' – so for example, "Mummy made a mistake, let's do this instead."

• Make sure you let your children see your vulnerability; this is how they will then learn to be vulnerable themselves.

Ultimately, we need to learn that the mistake was a gift to provide a deeper connection to ourselves, our children and our experience.

The vital part of parenting is to take pride in the effort you put into the role; to celebrate successes and accept mistakes. Remember, a mistake doesn't define your parenting ability, and parenting is a never-ending journey of learning, making mistakes, and adjusting your approach to your child's unique needs. When we come from a place of vulnerability, our children can learn everything they need from us to become happy, healthy, emotionally resilient and successful children.

Qualified psychologist and teacher with more than 20 years of experience working with young adults and children, now founder of The Resilience Tutor, Lynne Kendall, realised the importance of developing a proactive teaching method that engages young people in learning how their energy, emotions and thinking link to every experience they have in life. So when life’s challenges do appear, young people know exactly how to navigate and understand the value of the experience in their lives.

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