Dear mother of an only child, I am in awe of you.

Three kids is easy. It is bringing up just one that looks hard.

Dear Mum-of-an-only child,

I am in awe of you. I genuinely am.

I see the way you parent your child and it leaves me amazed. I stop and compare some of the things I do and feel inadequate. I watch my three children and realise that really, I have it easy.

I know there is no benefit in comparing how mums go about their roles. I know we are all different and that is rare to find a mother who does not love and cherish and wish only the best for her child.

But it is hard not to be impressed by a mother who devotes so much of herself to only one child.

I know some mothers have only one child by choice and for others it is a bittersweet resolution.

But I am here to say you, mum are causing my head to explode. How do you do it?

There are days as a mother when you just want to squirrel away to quietly read the headlines or catch up on some work. There are days when you just want to cook the god-damned meal in peace and not have to listen to monologues detailing each fishing village your son has built in Minecraft.

There are days when you just want them to shush up and leave you be.

On these days I think about the mother of an only child. The mum who has to spend so much of her time giving so much of herself. I have the luxury of telling my kids to buzz off. Go play with your brother. Go talk to your sister.

I can’t imagine the intensity of needing that alone time and being unable to get it.

We all talk about how hard it is having a second baby, or a third people exclaim. All that extra work. All those extra nappies.

But really in the long run what you are gaining is extra entertainment. (Yeah and more mess.)

I am in awe of a mother who can spend hours devoted to Lego, who can do puzzle after puzzle without sneaking away for a quick squizz at your phone. Who can actually play hide-and-seek without using it as an excuse to clean up while they crouch behind a curtain.

I have three children, two at school and those long days with my youngest daughter at times makes me wonder how on earth parents of just one do it. Oh I love her, I adore her. She is my world. But there are only so many pasta necklaces you can make before you go cross eyed.

My friends with singletons have spoken about the guilt they feel.

Guilt at their child growing up without siblings. Guilt at their child bearing the responsibility of aging parents alone.

They say they worry their child is missing out or is lonely and that they imagine how different their daughter’s life would be if she had a sibling to share things with.

Every disobedient act, every step placed wrong makes them wonder. Are they doing it to get attention? Would she do this if she had a sister or a brother?

Yes.

Yes my friend they would.

We all feel guilt. We feel guilty that our child isn’t getting enough attention or that we compare them unfairly to their brother. We feel guilty that we snapped at them too crossly, or that we forgot their favourite treat.

Your guilt is no different to mine. It is probably in most cases totally unjust, yet hard to shake.

A psychologist talks about the benefits of being an only child. Post continues after video. 

I know of only kids who have spoken of how wonderful their childhoods were. How close they were to their parents. How much they still adored spending time with their mothers when they had grown into adults.

They spoke of the neighbourhoods they grew up in filled with children who gave them the stimulus they needed and how grateful they were to skulk away when they needed a break to the warmth of their homes. They spoke of how they have learnt confidence and independence, of how they were comfortable with adults and children alike due to their upbringing.

They spoke of being content.

And yet I know how their mothers would have worried, just like you do.

Only child. A pigeon pair. A footy team. It doesn't matter really does it as long as we smother them with love - and just enough pasta shell necklaces to keep them busy.

Are you the mother of just one child? Is it really as hard as I think it might be?

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