Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: A brother tries to sabotage his sister's wedding.

To catch up on all the Married at First Sight recaps and gossip, check out the MAFS hub page. We've got you covered.

I really like how Channel Nine are claiming the honeymoons are happening "around the world" when they really mean Singapore and three different points on the Australian east coast. 

We quickly catch up with everyone:

- Sandy and Dan sleep with a pillow fort

- Lyndall and Cameron are still disgustingly cute

- Claire and Jesse are not speaking, which is just the way Jesse likes it

- Bronte and Harrison are somehow only just now arriving in the Hunter Valley and this feels like a continuity error because the Hunter Valley is only three hours up the road from Sydney by car and/or a 48 hour walk (and they don't even look sweaty)

Bronte's sister has called and she has some major gossip.

Jess, a.k.a the woman who initiated the first major scandal of the season in the first two minutes by claiming that Harrison had a secret girlfriend, MAY HAVE LIED.

"IT'S GONNA BE BRONTE15 NOT JESS15"

Why? you ask. 

BECAUSE SHE WASN'T ASKED TO BE A BRIDESMAID.

Bronte obviously finds this suspicious and concludes that Jess stirred sh* t for attention and fame but... hold up.

Harrison was still seeing someone the day before your fake wedding? And she believed he was going to go back to her after MAFS? He admitted it? We saw receipts from the group chat? I feel like none of the reasons she was mad at him have... changed by this admission?

Except it changes EVERYTHING for Bronte who how refers to Harrison as her "poor husband" and I FEEL LIKE I AM LOSING MY MIND.

Oh well. What better way to move on from that absolute lack of logic than by seeing more incompatible people matched by alleged experts.

First up is Tahnee and Ollie, two people in their mid-20s who are "fed up with the difficulties and superficialities of modern dating" which means they were ghosted and it sucked.

Tahnee tells Mel about the dirtbags she's met online and that makes sense because this is a safe space and no one on MAFS has ever been a dirtbag.

Mel, John and Alessandra are particularly excited because they think they'll learn something from these Gen Zers and oh my god, how long until John Aiken is trauma dumping and dancing to sped-up songs on TikTok?

"YOU MIGHT' KNOW ME FROM THE TOK"

As Tahnee walks down the aisle, I am distracted by the decor:

Team 'this graffiti definitely says hore' or team 'this graffiti definitely does not say hore'? I'm Team Hore.

Tahnee tells Ollie she likes cooking Thai food with her mum and Ollie says "it's like, my favourite cuisine, but whatever". And when Tahnee gives him his ring as a reminder that he is always "surrounded by her love" he says "sweet".

Young love!

Overall, Ollie and Tahnee have "such good vibes" and that's very nice for them but not really for those of us who tune in for the... mess.

ANYWAY.

The next person to be matched is beauty and makeup influencer Janelle, who broke up with her past boyfriend because her brother told her to.

She's financially stable and wants a partner who is in the same position, which is exactly why John Aiken has matched her with Adam, a man whose career is a miscellaneous 'entrepreneur' with an interest in cryptocurrency and NFTs.

OH GOD THIS IS GOING TO GO SO BADLY.

Janelle's brother immediately begins heckling Adam from the crowd about red flags and NO, HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT THE CRYPTO YET.

At their reception, Janelle and Adam chat about his 'competition business' and also that he wants to launch a podcast and I just... it's the red flag trifecta! Crypto! NFTs! A PODCAST!

I just know Jesse would love it

But before he buys a microphone with bitcoin (is that a thing? idk and please don't tell me because that is a rhetorical question and I don't care) Adam has to face the wrath of Janelle's family.

They've all latched onto the part of his vows where he said he has made mistakes and they simply must know WHAT MISTAKES AND DOES IT INVOLVE JAIL?

"He seems like the type of guy to have a podcast"

Adam comes over to say hello and he once again says "I haven't lived a perfect life" and ADAM. YOU. DO. NOT. HAVE. TO. KEEP. SAYING. THIS.

ESPECIALLY IN FRONT OF YOUR NEW IN LAWS WHO THINK YOU HAVE BEEN TO JAIL FOR MURDERING BABY DOGS.

"It doesn't sit well with me because I like puppies"

The brothers pull Adam aside for an interrogation to ask him if he kicks puppies and/or was in prison for murder and nah, turns out he just cheated in his past relationship.

They tell Janelle that Adam is going to tell her something really bad, and for some reason she does not jump straight to "prison?"

Her family asks her about Adam's job, a.k.a his extremely legitimate sounding online competition website and uh, his upcoming podcast.

"Hustler's University," they joke and it's truly a perfect burn.

10/10, no notes. 

Over at Ollie and Tahnee's fake wedding reception, no one has been presumed a criminal. Instead, the pair have bonded over their mutual interests of Googling things and "chillin", so there is a really strong foundation to build off.

Tahnee says the experts did a great job at matching them and she'll change her mind when Mel asks her what a 'for you page' is.

She and Ollie dance and kiss and it's cute but once again I am distracted:

The HORE has returned and LOOK IT PROBABLY SAYS HOPE BUT IT IS AMBIGUOUS ENOUGH TO RAISE SUSPICION AND THAT IS NOT GREAT

It's time for Adam to tell Janelle that he has not been to jail, but he sorta maybe cheated on his ex.

Janelle's going between 'once a cheater, always a cheater' and also realising that people can change and grow a lot in 10 years and it's a genuinely mature response???? 

Sometimes, amongst the throwing of fruit bowls and destruction of toothbrushes, there are glimmers of healthy emotional maturity on this show. And that is not at all the reason we watch it but I feel that in the interest of balance, I should at least acknowledge that it CAN, OCCASSIONALLY, literally once per season, happen.

Then she asks about his career stability, he responds with "I'm a big believer in manifestation", and oh well, it was nice while it lasted.

I strongly believe this is Janelle attempting to manifest herself right out of there

It's the next morning and Ollie and Tahnee are waking up after a night of pashing to find out they're going to Fiji, which is famously not situated slightly above Bali.

Janelle and Adam are tired because they stayed up until 3am talking about their pasts, but Janelle conveniently did not push the career issue further until the cameras arrived at a more reasonable hour.

She asks if he has income right now, from the online competitions business that's currently on the backburner, and he's like 'yes but also why do you care?' And Janelle is like, 'does it sound like I care?' And he's like, 'yeah it kinda does?'

Yes I am mostly here to make jokes but I also do my damn research and that company website is COLLECTING COBWEBS

Somewhere not above Bali, Tahnee and Ollie are falling off things and getting oily together. 

I love the formula of giving us one normal couple and one absolute car crash each episode. We can rest assured that each time we see a genuinely lovely interaction, we are seconds away from being transported to two highly incompatible strangers arguing about whether men should have podcasts or whether women should talk at all.

Later that day, Adam and Janelle hash it all out again.

She says asking about career is a fairly normal conversation and she didn't expect him to get his back up (fair), and Adam counters to say it came across condescending (also fair).

To camera, he's like "she doesn't know about my investments" AND OKAY THEN WHY HAVEN'T YOU TOLD HER ABOUT THAT BECAUSE IT COULD END THIS WHOLE CONVERSATION AND I SPEAK FOR US ALL WHEN I SAY WE ARE ALL SICK OF IT.

Instead, Janelle apologises and tells him he's basically everything she asked for besides running a suspicious business/wanting to start a podcast.

Meanwhile, Tahnee and Ollie banged.

CHUFFED?????

I mean, there are worse adjectives?

UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT!

Chelsea McLaughlin is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Writer. For more pop culture takes, recommendations and sarcasm, you can follow her on Instagram.

Feature Image: Channel Nine.