'I need to know what that... text said.' A very honest recap of Harry and Meghan part 2.

Missed Mamamia's first recap of Netflix's Harry and Meghan? Read it here: 'I see the texts, and I squeal.' A very honest recap of Netflix's Harry and Meghan part 1. 

It's Thursday night and everyone needs to hush because Harry and Meghan are back on Netflix and this time they're covering what went down with the royal family after their wedding, which is code for: enough to make us move to another continent and make a documentary about it xxx. 

Harry and Meghan, do you promise to share a great deal of gossip, especially when it pertains to royals behaving badly?

thank u

As soon as I see footage from the wedding day, I get irrationally emotional. 

It's the music. And Charles walking Meghan down the aisle. And the gospel choir. And the excited little boys helping with Meghan's train.

Yes honey. Now pls focus on the 16 foot veil. 

According to the couple, there was hardly any pushback to having Meghan's culture reflected in the ceremony, and Charles was particularly helpful in organising the logistics. 

They had their reception at St George's Hall where they cut their wedding cake with a sword (??), and had a fireworks display. Doria did go missing for part of the evening but it turned out she was simply in a trance watching Elton John perform. Which makes perfect sense.

As a side note, I've only just noticed that one of Meghan's very good friends is named Silver Tree. I mention that solely to point out that only a person from California could have that name. So. 

After the wedding, Harry and Meghan moved to Nottingham Cottage, and look. It was very small so Prince Harry kept hitting his head, and when Oprah visited, she commented, "no one would ever believe it!"

It's not that the couple are saying their free house wasn't that nice, but they're a little bit saying that their free house wasn't that nice.

'I know honey, it's inhumane.' Image: Netflix.

We see Meghan's first solo royal engagement with the Queen, her charity work with the victims of London's Grenfell Tower fire, and the way she became increasingly popular with the public. 

Then Australia happened. 

This is a sore point for me personally because I was one of the strange people who waited at the Opera House to see Harry and Meghan for reasons I can't quite articulate.

You see, I'm sensitive to... fuss. If there is hype around anything, I'd like to be there, please. For excitement purposes. 

And when the royals came to Australia, I was suddenly overwhelmed with a desire to be a part of it. 

A recent book claimed Meghan "hated every second" of the 2018 Australia tour, and while she doesn't make this claim in the documentary, she does make it clear that the number of appearances - especially while pregnant - were exhausting. 

I'm genuinely sorry. 

For contributing. 

To all the fuss. 

For the record, Harry and Meghan both came across very well at that Australian appearance. They'd just announced Meghan's pregnancy and everyone was losing it in a slightly... bogan way. 

Me, queen bogan.

It was this popularity, Harry says, that caused internal problems with the royals. 

"When someone who’s meant to be a supporting person is doing the job better than the person born to do this," Harry says, "it disturbs the balance."

OKAY SO YOU'RE SAYING YOU AND MEGHAN ARE BETTER AT DOING ROYALTY THAN WILLIAM AND KATE AND I'M HERE FOR THE DRAMA. 

Harry recalls attending an event with the entire royal family, and how it was Meghan alone who featured on the front page of the paper the following day. 

Just like Princess Diana, with the media attention came jealousy from other members of the institution. 

It was at this point that the media started taking a distinctly different approach to Meghan - criticising everything from the way she put her hands on her pregnant belly, to what she wore, to how her love for avocados was "fuelling human rights abuses, drought and murder". 

Comparing the headlines about Kate to those about Meghan, Harry says passionately, "if you can’t see the difference then I can’t help you," and no why is that the hottest thing that's ever happened.

Pls. Image: Netflix.

Like u. Image: Netflix.

Is that so much to ask??? Image: Netflix.

Meghan shares that she started having suicidal thoughts, believing "all of this will stop if I'm not here". 

If nothing else, the documentary presents a powerful point here: that there is a human being behind the headlines and the commentary. That what starts as tabloid gossip plants a seed, that grows into death threats and cruelty and takes a toll on a real person with a real family in real pain. 

We learn that Harry was well-versed in the 'games' played between the institution and the media, involving briefings and favours and leaking and the planting of stories.

"If the comms team want to get rid of something they’ll give you something else," he says and okay we knew it. 

You've got Prince Andrew accused of sexual assault and instead the headlines are about a woman who enjoys the odd avocado.

But Harry's gossip seems to go further than that. He says he and William made a pact that they'd never resort to the tactics they'd seen their father use - colluding with the media to trade one story for another. 

"I would far rather get destroyed in the press than play along with this game, or this business of trading," Harry says. "To see my brother's office copy the very same thing that we promised the two of us would never ever do, that was heartbreaking."

Holy no are you saying William traded stories and threw you under the bus this is what I came for but it is also very sad.

We then move to the birth of Archie, and the royal 'tradition' of doing a photo call with your baby approximately 20 seconds after you've delivered a human.

Meghan explains that she had a different doctor, and because she was older, she was nervous about the birth - there was the possibility of a c-section, and she had to deliver in a different hospital. 

The. Royal. Family. Didn't. Like. That. 

Because. They. Owned. Her. Womb. And. The. Other. Hospital. Wasn't. Convenient. For. The. Photographers. 

Won't someone think of the photographers in the moments after childbirth? 

The couple ended up appearing with baby Archie at the palace two days after his birth, but the story quickly became that their decision was "a slap in the face", "smashing the royal family's contract with the public". 

'We're pretty sure he thinks he's still in the womb, that's why the cameras are so surprising.' Image: Netflix.

Just months after the birth, Harry and Meghan travelled to Africa, where Meghan gave her famous comment about not being okay. 

While the public response was overwhelmingly positive, the papers in the UK had a very different reaction. The vibe was: ok but Meghan is spoilt and what does she really have to be sad about, anyway. 

Idk maybe she feels weird ever since you demanded she stand upright in heels and a white dress two days after birthing a human child idk idk.

This was when the "bubble burst," Meghan says, and she realised, "I wasn't just being thrown to the wolves, I was being fed to the wolves."

Meanwhile, good 'ol Thomas Markle was still going rogue and speaking to the media, so Meghan was advised to send him a handwritten letter. In the post. With like... a stamp. Which I think summarises the problems with the royal family, broadly. 

She believes that letter never made it to him, because the person who received the letter used a false confirmation signature. Days later, the letter was printed by media, with several parts redacted (mostly about Thomas being... manipulated... by the media), and Harry and Meghan decided enough was enough - they had to pursue legal action. 

But the royal family a little bit... couldn't be f*cked? So the couple pursued independent legal advice, and that made everyone very angry. 

There were negative press briefings from the palace about the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, and the offices of senior royals would feed the press stories about Meghan to avoid less favourable stories being printed. 

Dad, pls. Image: Netflix.

The couple started planning to move overseas - somewhere in the Commonwealth, so they could still carry out their royal duties. New Zealand was considered, then South Africa, then Canada. 

At the end of 2019, they rented a home on Vancouver Island, and there were conversations around the possibility of permanently moving there. Reluctantly, Harry put his request in writing to Charles, including a detail that he and Meghan would be willing to relinquish their Duke and Duchess of Sussex titles if an agreement couldn't be arranged.

Five days later, those details were on the front page of the newspaper. 

That's when everyone lost their actual sh*t. 

Harry and Meghan announced they'd be stepping back from royal duties, and there were reports William and Charles only learnt of the announcement 10 minutes before the public. Okay but maybe that's because you were gonna leak it. 

Harry was blocked from speaking to his grandmother, and a meeting was only scheduled the discuss the whole... issue... once Meghan was going to be out of the country.  

That meeting was the famous Sandringham Summit, and yeah, there was yelling. 

"It was terrifying to have my brother scream and shout at me and my father say things that weren’t true and my grandmother sit there quietly," Harry says. 

This level of gossip is history in the making and I won't hear otherwise. 

When Harry left the meeting, he was told about a joint statement that had been released - in his and his brother's name -  squashing rumours about William bullying the Sussexes out of the family. 

"Within four hours they were willing to lie to protect my brother," Harry says, "and yet for three years, they were never willing to tell the truth to protect us."

F*ck me that's heavy. 

Harry states unreservedly that it was his decision to step back, not Meghan's. 

The couple were on Vancouver Island when they were informed the royal family were removing their security, despite the fact the "entire world" knew where they lived. 

In the style of a midday movie, it was actor Tyler Perry who saved them, providing them with a house in a gated community in LA with security. They were there for six weeks before the Daily Mail leaked their location. 

People tried to break in, helicopters circled their home, and no everyone needs to chill but especially the Daily Mail. 

Ah, memories. Image: Netflix.

They moved to Santa Barbara, and the day they arrived, Meghan miscarried. 

Harry says he believes she suffered a miscarriage "because of what the Mail did, bearing in mind the stress".

The next year, they sat down with Oprah Winfrey and told their story, trying to fill in the blanks that they felt other people were filling in for them. 

When that interview was announced, the palace came forward with an announcement of their own - they were investigating allegations of bullying against Meghan while she was at the palace. Almost as though. They wanted a story. To squash the other story. That was being told to Oprah. On the TV.

Perhaps my favourite part of the entire documentary comes when Beyonce texts Meghan after the interview airs, and Harry responds like this:

Harry’s reaction to Meghan getting a message from Beyoncé proves he really is just like the rest of us #meghanandharrynetflix pic.twitter.com/pdlWlPit3M

— ⚭ alice ⚭ 184 DAYS TO GO (@snootlepuff) December 15, 2022

Speaking of texts, Meghan is on the phone to Tyler Perry, when Harry gets a text of his own. From his brother. The prince. And future king of England. 

Wtf. Image: Netflix.

Okay but... I wanna read it. Image: Netflix.

All I want in life is to know what that text said and if there were emojis and if they were the angry red-faced ones and if he sent an accompanying voice memo. 

We learn that a staff member of William's submitted evidence against Meghan in her case against The Mail on Sunday, and even though Meghan says "it's your brother... I'm not going to say anything about your brother," you can tell they're both really fkn mad at Harry's brother.

As we approach the end of the series, I'm again absurdly emotional. Cousin Eugenie comes to visit. Baby Lilibet is "very Spencer-like - the same blue eyes and golden-reddish hair." Harry says this is the life his mother would have wanted if she was still alive. 

All I need is iPhone footage of Harry and Meghan's new life in California and a nice song and I'm done.

Am I aware that I'm easily manipulated? Yes. Do I know this was a PR exercise and I've fallen for it completely? Of course. But goddamn I support their love story and their decision to live with their celebrity friends in LA and bitch about their family on the television.

My fingers hurt from my contributions to various group chats and my head is sore from the sheer volume of gossip. But all I can picture is how cranky this will make Charles once Camilla helps him retrieve his Netflix password.

The fallout from this show will be fascinating. And I can only hope we get a second season, covering it all. 

For more from Clare Stephens, you can follow her on Instagram, where she's also documented the time she met the royals IRL.