Friends or acquaintances? The friendship test that's gone viral.

A “friendship and acquaintance theory” developed by a young Sydneysider is attracting attention around the world.

Unhappy with the way she was navigating through friendships, Mobinah Ahmad began to categorise her “friends” into six groups as a way of managing expectations.

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“What I define as a friend is what most people would define as a best friend,” she says.

“So someone who you talk to regularly, you have a very close connection to, you can turn to. If you asked me how many friends I have, I would say maybe one.”

To gauge how close people were to her, Mobinah developed an online friendship-acquaintance quiz.

"I asked people questions like would you make the effort to drop me to the airport, can we sustain a 20-minute conversation?" she says.

She outlined her motivations in a six-stage theory posted online:

"Dear person reading this, find out where you fit in and the next time I tell you we aren't friends don't get offended.
"Now you'll know why.
"Love, Moby.
"P.S. This is not some exclusive thing, where I'm telling people they're unworthy. It's telling it like it like it is."

"I thought I was closer to people and it was so easy for them to ignore me, or leave me out," she says now.

"Or they'll talk about you behind your back. This is what friendship is nowadays and I hate that."

Mobinah, who has a Master's in digital communication and culture, uses the theory to break people down into a number of categories.

"There's pre-acquaintance, acquaintance level one, acquaintance level two, acquaintance level three, pre-friend and friend," she explains.

Relatives, partners and workmates are excluded.

Sarah, who scored "Acquaintance Level 2.5", was offended at first.

"I didn't realise how far away I was to her epicentre of close friends and then I realised all the friends I knew who I thought were quite close to her were in that outer circle," she says.

Ahmad, "Acquaintance Level 3", is one of the open critics of Mobinah's theory.

"I say it's false and I don't believe in it," he says.

"I think she keeps making up the rules as she goes along. I don't believe in quantifying friendship in numbers essentially."

Mobinah was invited to appear on the comedic American court show podcast Judge John Hodgkin to debate her theory with a friend who felt it was alienating her from other people.

As a result her theory is now being shared around the world.

"From there it just went viral", she says. "I started discovering that it was helping people. Some people really needed it."

American resident Andrew Saada has embraced Mobinah's theory.

"It helped me a lot last year. I remember at the time I was having some friendship issues, I was having like some tiffs with a friend of mine," he says.

Previously, Andrew had felt that he could not give up on friendships, even if they were not healthy.

Mobinah's theory helped him draw a line in the sand.

"If it negatively affects me and like my happiness, why should I be putting my time and effort into the relationship?" he says.

Mobinah is pleased her theory is resonating with others.

"It feels great to know there's someone else out there in a totally different culture really likes the theory and uses it," she says.

"I think everyone already has a social hierarchy in their head. Who they're closer to, who they call on if they had a problem."

Mobinah has known her one true friend Iman for about three-and-half years. They met through events in the Muslim community and both love art galleries and good food.

Iman supports Mobinah's theory.

"In society we always tend to say you know I'm friends with this person, I'm friends with that person, but in reality we're not, it's an acquaintance," he says.

"And I was so proud that someone was brave enough to come and say that publicly.

"It's a real privilege to be called her only friend. Because obviously you have to climb up the ladder and it's not easy, so yeah I feel very special."

Mobinah says while many people felt they had to jump through hoops to be her friend, that was not the case.

"A true friend would demonstrate their friendship by being there for you when you need it.

"There's communication, there's honesty, there's trust, that's all it takes, it's quite easy to be a friend."

Friendship ­Acquaintance 6 Stage Theory

By Mobinah [Redacted]

Dear person reading this, Find out where you fit in and the next time I tell you we
aren't friends don't get offended. Now you'll know why. Love, Moby. P.S. This is
not some exclusive thing, where I’m telling people they're unworthy. It's telling it
like it is.

Pre­Acquaintance (10% of people I know)
• We don't know each other.
• We know their each other's name only.

Acquaintance Level 1: To know of someone ­ (20% of people I know)
• We know of each other through mutual friends/acquaintances.
• We met briefly at a party/social event/uni.
• You're a work colleague or business client (who I haven’t spent much time with)
• We run into each other now and then by coincidence
• Convenient Interactions ­ Meeting up is not planned, and only because it is
convenient and easy.
• Details about each other are superficial.

Acquaintance Level 2: Liking & Preliminary Care ­ (30% of people I know.)
• We went to school/uni together, or have known you for a long period of time.
• We usually meet in groups, rarely one on one.
• If you needed my help, I would actively participate in helping them to the best of
my ability.
• I can handle a 20 minute small­talk chat with you, any longer and I will get bored.

Acquaintance Level 3: Significant Connection & Care ­ (25% of people I know.)
• We have a really good connection.
• We have some very meaningful talks
• We care a lot about each other.
• We don't see each other all that much, just now and then ­ when we plan to meet.
Pre­Friend (AKA Potential Friend) ­ 14% of people I know
• Someone I wish were a friend (as defined below and NOT as society currently
defines it)
• I want to spend more time with this person and establish a proper friendship with
them.

Friend: Mutual Feelings of Love ­ (1% of people I know)
• I care immensely in every domain of their life (academic, physical, mental
wellbeing), how their relationships with their loved ones are. I also care about their
thoughts, ideas, elations and fears.
• I can easily give my honest opinion and thoughts.
• This person notices when I am upset through subtle indications.
• I see this person regularly and feel totally comfortable to contact them for a deep
and meaningful talk.
• Someone who takes initiative and makes sacrifices to work on this friendship.
• Mutual trust, respect, admiration, forgiveness and unconditional care.
Note: If it's not mutual, then we're not friends.

Further Notes
1. There is no shame in being an acquaintance. I think society has made the word
derogatory and that is why it seems offensive. It’s just about being honest.
2. Friendship is not that complicated to me (I know, the irony of making up a theory
and calling it uncomplicated). There may be a small few that cannot be categorized
because there is history and shades of grey ­ but I look at my relationship with
most people as being black or white, categorized, uncomplicated.
3. The theory is flexible in the sense that people can go up or down the levels and
understands that throughout a dynamic friendship, people become closer or further
apart from each other.
4. My theory originates from personal experiences. I realize that one of my biggest
vulnerabilities is that I'm too sentimental? this theory combats this problem quite
efficiently.
5. I understand that this theory cannot be applied to everyone, but it significantly
helps me.