"My cousin's actions are ruining every friendship I hold dear."

Image: iStock.

As much as I love and adore my cousin – she’s like a little sister to me – I don’t love how she has a habit of seeking out my best pals, and then slowly stealing them away from me. They always end up liking her more than they like me, and I end up feeling rejected.

I’ve never confronted Amanda about this. But I’ve started to slowly distance myself from her, in an effort to keep my life and my social group separate from her.

Mandy and I grew up together as our mums are sisters. She’s only a few months younger than me, but she ended up in the year below me at school. Not only did we go to the same schools, we also did almost everything else together – ballet, Saturday sport, you name it. It suited us, because we were – and still are – best friends.

The one thing that Mandy and I didn’t share back then was our group of friends. We tended to stick to the friends we’d made at school. Because we were in different year groups, our friendship circles didn’t mix.

That suited me just fine. I liked having a group of friends that was separate to Mandy and my family, especially as I was slowly developing my own identity and interests. It didn’t last long, though.

I went to uni to study accounting, while Mandy studied theatre at TAFE.

I had a small group of friends from my accounting course and we started to go to trivia at the uni bar. It became our weekly thing. I loved it.

But then one night Mandy and all of her eccentric theatre friends showed up. I acted happy to see her but really, I felt like she was intruding on my territory. (Post continues after gallery.)

Luckily, she and her friends sat at a different table. But I noticed that when my friend Patricia was getting a round of drinks at the bar, Mandy spent ages talking to her.

I forgot all about it until the next day, when I checked my Instagram. There was a photo of Patricia and Mandy, sitting at an outdoor table at my favourite café, eating breakfast.

“Loved meeting this gorgeous gal and crashing at her place last night,” was Mandy’s caption.

My stomach clenched and a feeling of dread overcame me. Mandy had met her one time. One time and already it had resulted in a picture like this?

I happened to have a class with Patricia that day, and she it seemed that she, too, had a mutual friend-crush on Mandy.

“Oh my god, you never told me you had such a great cousin!” said Patricia, as soon as I saw her.

“Mandy is so much fun. I bet you got up to heaps of crazy adventures.”

And that was how my morning went – fielding question after question from Patricia, who was eager to know as much about “fun”, “crazy” Mandy as possible.

I knew she wasn’t trying to upset me, but the way she spoke about her hurt.

After that, every single time I tried to catch up with Patricia, Mandy would have to be involved, too. She thought that everything that Mandy did was unique and clever. It always was.

Patricia wasn’t that interested in me any more. I became the hanger-on, while their friendship went from strength to strength.

I assumed that this would be the point when Mandy would just join my friendship group. Maybe it would be easier that way – I mean, she was already a huge part of my life.

But it never happened. Instead, Mandy just picked off my friends, one by one, and formed deep, intense one-on-one relationships with them. And eventually, they all became her friend.

Look, it’s not like my friends started to actively dislike or bully me. It’s just that I could tell that they preferred Mandy over me.

I was also enamoured by Mandy’s charm and quirks. She was my cousin and best friend. I just couldn’t say no to her.

I became used to the idea that wherever I went, and whatever I did, Mandy would still find me and become chummy with at least one of my friends.

When I returned to Sydney I’d accepted that Mandy was my lovable cousin who had a penchant for stealing my friends. I was okay with it, until she finally stepped over the line.

Julie, a colleague, invited me along to a monthly karaoke night at the local pub and I had a blast. I couldn’t believe how much I enjoyed singing. Soon Julie and I became good friends which was a pleasant surprise. I hadn’t experienced a close friendship like that since my uni days.

I tried really hard not to tell Mandy about the karaoke nights, because I didn’t want her to make it “her” thing. But I just couldn’t help myself. I was so excited, that one day, I blurted out to Mandy that I was going to karaoke regularly. And of course, she invited herself.

That night, Mandy took the pub by storm. She sang while standing on a table, and then she led the group to another pub for after-drinks. Sure enough, the next time I arranged to have coffee with Julie, Mandy was invited also.

I’d expected that – it always happened. What I didn’t expect was for Mandy to hijack my passion.

The next month, I noticed Julie was distant. After many calls and text I finally got through to her.

"I'm so sorry, Mandy and I have been rehearsing for West Side Story!”

Yes, Mandy had recruited Julie to be part of her community theatre group. Something she'd never asked me to be a part of.

So I gave up and my friendship with Julie slowly melted away. I’ve been furious with Mandy ever since. But I just can’t bring it up with her.

It feels so childish and insecure to say "how dare you do this to my friends", but I can't shake the anger over what Mandy's done. What she always does.

Do you have a friend who's stolen your mates?