7 very specific things millennial dog parents know to be true.

When strangers ask me whether I have children, I always pause for a second before telling them that I don't. 

I do this because I know, deep within my soul, they may look at me strangely if I tell them my child is a fluffy three-year-old Cavoodle named Darcy who likes to sniff other kids' butts. 

Here are 7 very specific things millennial dog parents know to be true.  

1. Your dog has better stuff than you do. 

Darcy deserves the best. Just ask him and he'll... tell you. 

That's why we were both excited when frank green launched their first ever Pet Collection of beautifully designed, customisable pet products, engineered to withstand the daily rough and tumble of our fur babies’ lives.

Darcy's new khaki collar and lead are making our daily walkies so much easier. The attachable poo bag holder and treat holder (matching because of course) are super fancy, and means Darcy always gets a treat when he's been a good boy. Darcy's also obsessed with his new squeaky toy and thinks he looks quite cool in his new bandana. 

The range, which includes collars, leads, bowls, poo bag holders, squeaky toys and more, ticks all of Darcy's boxes: they're stylish, functional and made from planet-friendly materials. 

Plus have a squiz at these colours! So fun! 

Matching accessories are a serious sport in this family. Image: Supplied.

2. No one is ever as excited to see you as your dog is after you've been away for... five minutes. 

No one – and I mean no one – will ever be as excited to see you as your dog is each and every time you re-enter the house. 

It doesn't matter whether you've been gone for 10 hours or 10 minutes, they're always excited to see you and hear about your day. They want to know who you saw when you were out. Whether you got any good gossip. Or sniffed any good lampposts. 

There are pats and snuggles and if you're very lucky, a zoomie or two in your honour. 

Which brings me to my third point...

3. You're jealous they get to do zoomies and you... don't. 

Remember when you were a kid and you just couldn't contain your excitement? And you'd do the human equivalent of zoomies? Running up and down the hallway of your parents' house and into the lounge room to tell them some breaking kid news and they would respond with something like "that's good, darling" without even looking up from the news? 

As adults, we unfortunately sign a secret pact that we won't zoom around our apartment in excitement whenever anything good happens. Thankfully, dogs have never heard of such a pact. 

Even an old dog can squeeze out a zoomie or two when something particularly takes their fancy. 

And is there anything more wholesome than the pure, unfiltered joy of a dog mid-zoomie? 

4. Treats are essential.

Darcy's silicone pet bowl which literally fits snugly onto the bottom of my frank green emotional support water bottle. Image: Supplied.

Dogs learn from a very young age that being a good boy or a good girl means... treats.

As soon as Darcy discovered that sitting meant he was a good boy who gets a treat, he basically began training for the sitting Olympics. That boy can hear any treat bag opening with a 5km radius and he can get into the sitting position faster than Usain Bolt leaves the starting block. 

5. Sometimes you secretly smell your dog's feet. 

Go on, admit it. 

At least once a week you smell your dog's paw and try to decide whether it smells more like popcorn or... corn chips.

It's corn chips, obviously.

6. Every lamppost and tree must be sniffed on your daily walk. 

Every single lamppost and tree you pass on your walk must be sniffed. This is not negotiable. 

Imagine if you skipped one particular tree one day, and it had just been sprayed with the most glorious dog pee in all of dog pee history. 

Your dog would never forgive you.  

Does this constant stopping mean your walk always takes three times longer than it should? Yes. But does it make your dog so happy he will continue to squeeze out the most miniscule amount of pee at every lamppost and tree on the walk home? Also yes. 

Image: Supplied.

7. If you don't talk to your dog in your special dog voice, well you're lying.

Everyone has a special voice that they talk to their dog in. 

For example, I like to speak to Darcy in a British accent, as though we're both characters on Peppa Pig. 

I assume he barks back in a British accent too? 

Now, must be off. We've got lampposts to sniff. 

Check out frank green's first ever Pet Collection, a range of beautifully-designed and customisable pet collars, pet leads, stainless steel pet bowls and more.

Feature Image: Supplied.