A definitive list of the things I'm not meant to feel about early motherhood, but sometimes do.

I have to say, if I saw the role of "parent" being advertised on a job-seeking platform, I’d just scroll right on past.

The working conditions are appalling - we’re talking gruelling 24-hour shifts with few breaks, if any, and a decent chance of being hit in the face by excrement. Oh, and sick leave? Please, forget about it! Yet somehow, it's a job I absolutely love, and I wouldn’t give it up for the world.

It’s okay not to love every bit of your job, even if that job happens to be parenting. And it’s possible for two rival truths to exist at the same time. In fact, parenting can be best summed up as a bag chock-full of contradictions (with something sticky at the bottom that has somehow gotten all over everything).

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I could write a novel filled with all the wonderful things I have to say about being a mum. But there’s no denying that it’s bloody tough. And I find that when we make space for the filthy, beautiful mess of it all, and know that ALL of it is okay, then even the crappiest days become that much more bearable.

1. Motherhood is very hard work. Like, really hard.

You might be thinking, "Well yeah, duh, no one’s saying it isn’t". But as much progress as we’ve made creating safe spaces for mothers to talk openly about the tough stuff, there is still a pervasive belief that we should simply be able to handle it. The "Quit complaining, you chose this" attitude is still alive and well, and it lives next door to, "You should be grateful you even have a child to complain about". A lot of us still carry the pressure to be superwoman, juggling it all and doing it well, and that’s not by accident - we’re surrounded by the superwoman myth everywhere we look.

2. I low-key hate going to the park.

Yep, I straight up hate it. My son bloody loves it of course, but I couldn’t think of anything I’d rather do less. In fact, it’s my firm belief that time slows down to a glacial pace on a solo park trip. I want to be that fun, play-loving parent, but I’m much more into nature walks, babycino dates, and beach sessions, so I’ll leave the park time to his endlessly patient dad. 

3. Some days it’s a relief dropping my child at daycare and going to work.

It’s true - my best days are not the ones where I spend the whole time with my son. Saying that somehow feels like a betrayal, but it’s true. I spent the first year at home with him full-time, and now that I have three days at work, things feel much more balanced, and I feel a lot more fulfilled both professionally and as a mum. The daycare drop-offs still shatter my heart into a thousand pieces, of course, but it’s all part of the messy, confusing joy and pain of loving a tiny human. 

4. Screen-time is actually great.

My son has learned a lot from our dear friends, The Wiggles, and with such an active little boy, TV time has been my only chance to get 15 minutes in the morning to do the things I have to do to be allowed out in civil society e.g., wear clothes and bathe.

I can’t fathom how anyone could do this parenting thing without screen time and I figure, babies born today will be using screens to support all their learning by the time they get to school. It’s 2023, screens aren’t going anywhere, so isn’t it okay to get them accustomed to it?

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5. I’m obsessed with my child, but he’s not the only thing I want to talk about.

When I was pregnant, I remember people telling me that any time my husband and I go out or spend time away from our son, we’ll just end up talking about him, or scrolling through pictures and videos of him doing adorable things. And sometimes we do, but I still spend a lot of time with the little monkey, and call me crazy, but during my time away from him, I’m pretty keen to have grown-up chats about grown-up things without the threat of a ball being thrown at my head mid-sentence.

6. Sometimes it dawns on me that this is forever and that’s kind of terrifying.

Just before we had our little one, I asked my husband, "What if I hate it? What if it’s just hard work from here on out until we die?" Gotta love those third trimester insomnia musings. He reminded me that everything I’ve ever had that was worth having was hard work. "You love hard work," he said. And he was right. Sometimes I still get the panic sweats when I think about how permanent this whole thing is, but then I look at my son discovering the joy of icy poles for the first time, and I wish I could slow it all down. 

Being a parent IS indescribably hard work, and admitting that doesn’t make you any less grateful, or in love with your kids. In fact, I’m yet to meet a mother who isn’t boundlessly grateful for their little miracles. Sharing the difficult side of parenting isn’t just complaining, in fact, more often than not, it’s connecting, embracing, acknowledging and celebrating the incredible thing we’re collectively doing.

 Feature Image: Supplied.