"Don't judge me, but... I lie about my partner's age."

“It’s the one thing in our relationship I can’t get past.”

My partner is a year and a half younger than me. AND I’m a woman. There. I said it.

And even though I’ve tried to tell myself over and over that being with a guy that’s younger than me doesn’t bother me, I always feel like everyone is secretly judging me when the whole age discussion is brought up.

I feel like a cradle snatcher. Like I’m dating in a pool that I shouldn’t be in. And it’s a realisation I only came to a few months ago, when a friend asked me the question that made me have my personal epiphany.

“So how old is he?” my friend asked. I instantly said 35. I aged my partner by six years in the space of a few seconds. Like word vomit, I didn’t even think twice about it. And the thing is, I didn’t even realise I had a problem with his age until the lie came flying out of my mouth.

In reality I’m 31, he’s 29 at the moment. We’re in that weird in-between gap where he’s just about to turn 30 and I’ve recently turned 31.

When we first started seeing each other, it never came up in discussion and he looks much older than what he actually is. I just assumed he was older than me and it wasn’t until we were well into seeing each other that I found out it wasn’t true.

In the past, I’ve generally dated people who are much older than me. I feel like it just goes along with the natural order of things. The man should be taller. The man should be older. The man should be dominant, strong and powerful.

The man should be older.

And even though in this day and age I know that all sounds ridiculous, I can’t help but be embarrassed by it. I don’t want people to think that I’m shallow and backward.

Now I’ve gotten so used to telling everyone he is older than me, I lie about it all the time. Even to my close family. But I know I can’t keep up the lie forever because eventually it will come out. At the same time I can’t tell him that it bothers me because I know he will be offended.

Either way if I come clean about the whole thing, I’m going to be a) a liar or b) shallow and I really don’t want to come across as either.

What would you do? Do you think the man should be older than the women when it comes to relationships?

If, like this reader, you have a dilemma that you would like advice about, please email info@themotherish.com with Don’t Judge Me in the subject field. You will be contacted before publication, and your identity will be protected.

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