BECKY MILES: What the parenting books didn't tell me about being a first-time mum.

We’ve all got a picture of what our first moments as a mum will look like. 

Kissing that precious, squirming creature for the first time, perhaps fumbling through your first beautiful (albeit clumsy) breastfeed, then taking her home to introduce her to her brand-new life. 

As you creep closer to your due date, try as you might to remain open to whatever comes, you just can’t help but picture the way you hope it will all play out. Well, in my case, it was kind of like someone took that picture, crunched it up, set it alight and then flushed it down the loo. 

But don’t worry, this story has a happy ending, it’s actually brimming with joy in all the last places you’d think to look for it.

From planning a home birth to a month in hospital.

I gave birth at 32 weeks to a tiny, perfect little 5-pound (around 2kg) Billie. I was fortunate to have gone into early labour while already in hospital, having been in and out for the previous three weeks due to bleeds. So, I immediately knew we were in the best possible place to handle what was coming. 

I briefly got to hold her before they took her to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) with my partner following right alongside. And that was the start of our next month, basically living at the hospital, watching our precious girl grow stronger each day.

I remember looking at her in that perspex box and thinking of little baby chicks in their incubators. I was filled with relief that my little girl was safe, but I still couldn’t help feeling kind of... cheated. Sitting in the postnatal ward with the other parents and their babies, I felt sick hearing their tiny cries. I didn’t want to feel jealous, but it was hard to shake that feeling, seeing them hold their newborns without tubes to wrestle with, learning to breastfeed and wondering, ‘Why don’t I get to just sit here and feed my baby?’ Instead, I was pumping away, then getting taken up in a wheelchair for cuddles and to help with Billie’s feeds. 

See what I mean about that picture? Definitely not what I was imagining.

Image: Supplied.

Being a 'premmie' parent can be precious in its own way.

Paediatric medical staff are the best of us. I know it’s been said a million times before, but it needs to be shouted again and again because I credit the nurses, doctors, administrators, and everyone in between who cared for us and our baby girl, with turning an inherently traumatic experience into one that was filled with love and support.

I remember when my milk came in, I was filling these little cups with precious colostrum, and the nurses were so proud and supportive, it felt like such a triumph. And it was – quite quickly I was able to fully supply Billie’s feeds exclusively with breastmilk, which felt really special to me. 

There are times when I feel like we won the lottery when it comes to the kind of care and support we received while Billie was being nursed to health. For me, supporting families like ours has become so important, and because of our experience, the work of Sydney Children’s Hospitals Foundation is especially close to my heart.

The Sydney Children’s Hospitals Foundation Christmas Appeal is currently running, and it’s a chance for people to directly support sick kids and their families, regardless of age or injury – they help all sick kids across Sydney Children's Hospitals Network, no matter when, no matter where, which means everything to a family like ours.

I remember being in hospital over Mother’s Day, and Margaret, a volunteer at our hospital, had made me the most incredible gift – a meticulously handcrafted card with Billie’s tiny footprint on it. It’s something I’ll never forget, and with Christmas on its way, I have been thinking more and more about the families who will spend theirs on the wards. I feel incredibly lucky to be looking over at my hilarious, inquisitive, ravenous little 18-month-old and I want people to know just how far their support can go. 

All donations to the Sydney Children’s Hospitals Foundation Christmas Appeal go directly towards supporting sick and injured kids. From the support provided in the treatment rooms, to the research labs, and the outreach programs, it all helps to make even a Christmas in hospital something really special.

Nothing can truly prepare you.

Looking at Billie now, it’s easy to forget how it all started for us. And we certainly haven’t been immune to the usual challenges of new parenthood. 

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A post shared by BECKY MILES (@happylittlebeckymite)

The sleep deprivation is something else, I’ll tell you what – no matter how much you read and prepare, you just can’t anticipate how much it impacts your mood, energy levels and even your relationship with your partner. It takes a lot of effort to stay connected as romantic partners as you navigate new parenthood, so it’s really important to give yourself that time together, to just be you two again. 

If I could go back and tell myself one thing.

If I had a little portal back to the ‘me’ I was before all of this happened, the advice I would give myself is that, yes, your birth plan is important, but it's not the most important thing. It's more about how educated and supported you are throughout your whole motherhood journey. 

So go to all the courses, listen to all the podcasts, and get a doula, because there’s no such thing as too much knowledge – the more information you’re armed with, the better placed you’ll be when it all hits the fan.

Most importantly though, surround yourself with the company of other mums, because regardless of how different your journeys might look, they’re still the ones who will ‘get it’. They’ll be there when you need to be reminded to leave that crumpled, charred, ‘perfect’ picture in the loo where it belongs, so you can get on with making one that’s even more beautiful than you’d imagined.

Give the brightest Christmas possible to all sick kids facing the holidays in hospital. Donate to the Sydney Children’s Hospitals Foundation to shape the future of children's healthcare and help provide all children access to the best possible healthcare whenever and wherever they need it.  

Feature Image: Supplied.