"10 things that drive me nuts about other people’s children."

Sure you’re kids are perfect. But other kids. Not so much.

Disclaimer: No my kids aren’t perfect (though they are to me) and yes I know I am being the tiniest bit judgmental here but don’t worry I’m sure none of these examples are your kids, cause they’re perfect too aren’t they?

I have a secret to confess, I don’t like every child I meet. The majority are amazing and kind and innocent and wonderful but every so often you come across a little shit that just gets your hackles up.

It feels awfully naughty to actually confess this.

Kids these days are so far up on a pedestal, it seems politically incorrect to admit there are certain circumstances you don’t feel like channeling Mary Poppins.

There are times that make me grit my teeth. Hard.

1. When other kids try to talk to me while I am playing with my own kids.

It’s that random child at a party talking incessantly about what they saw that one time they went to the zoo. It’s that boy on the beach just this weekend whose own parents were so totally entranced in their kindles they didn’t notice him attach himself to our family like glue. It’s the kid at the playcentre that wants you to hold their hand as well as your own children while you jump together on the trampoline.

I get that you want attention kiddo. I get that you are being ignored.  I’m sad for you. Maybe your Mum just needs a few minutes time out and I’m happy to indulge you for a few minutes, but after that, to be frank, I just want you to buzz of so I can spend some rare time playing with my own kids.

2. The neighbour's kid who wants me to wipe their bottom rather than their own mum. (Even when she was there.)

Oh, yes I’m telling you, it actually happened.

“I want Shauna to wipe me,” she screamed as my eyes widened in horror. Sorry honey, Shauna only wipes those who grew inside me. Anyone else needs to learn to wipe for themselves.

3. When they dob on my kids to me at the park.

Yes, I saw my son whack you on the head. Yes, I put him in a time out. Thanks, but I don’t need a lecture from a five-year-old on how to discipline him.

4. Other people’s kid’s snot and vomit.

It’s difficult enough that I deal with my own children’s bodily fluids.

It’s stomach turning to have to do for non-relatives.

It’s inevitable though one day one of your kid’s friends is going to vomit in your hallway. The smell is going to be unbearable. Don the plastic gloves and muck in. You have no choice.

5. When they come over for a play date with my child and just want to hang out in the kitchen with me.

Sorry kid, but I don’t want to play with you, what I wanted was a distraction for my kid so I can get shit done.

6. When I actually get a 15 minute break from my children to have a quiet coffee and someone else’s child is having a melt-the-walls-down tantrum at the table next to me.

Look, I’ve been there. I empathise. Doesn’t mean I want to hear it right now though.  (Sorry.)

7. When someone else’s child begs for a treat.

There is a sweet little boy at my son’s school who bats his eyelids at me every afternoon at pick up and asks me if I can buy him a toy. Every. Single. Afternoon.

It’s hard enough dealing with my kids pester power than other children’s too.

8. Little girls that hate boys or little boys that hate girls.

“Eeeewwww boys,” they scream as they run away from my puzzled son at the park.

“I’m not playing a girl’s game,” they say as my daughter approaches them with an arm full of stuffed toys.

Teach your kids empathy people. Not hard.

9. Kids that will only follow “their” rules.

"We don’t play scrabble that way at home." I was pointedly informed by a visiting neighbour. We follow the dictionary spelling. Suck it up sunshine. You ain’t in Kansas anymore.

10. Don’t complain about my food you pint sized Matt Preston wannabe.

It's okay for my kids to say they hate it, but when someone else’s child criticises what I’ve served it really grates on me.

Sure, I can accept that’s illogical but I’m being honest here.

Save the food review for your own table Tiger, over here you eat what you’ve been given.

Am I being too harsh here? Is there anything that drives you nuts about other people’s kids?

Want more? Try:

Someone is trying to live your life by stealing your online photos.

“Two kids, 3000km, six days in the car… and I can’t wait.”

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