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The Twins recap Married at First Sight: The most brutal rejection in MAFS history.

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OK. So Mishel is broken. OK.

She’s laying in a dark room with nothing but emptiness behind her eyes and she keeps twitching and murmuring the words “I’m not physically attracted to you, not physically attracted…” and we feel like we shouldn’t be… here. For this.

She decides to confront Steve yet again about what, specifically, he finds unattractive about her and how many times do we have to say this isn’t a fun game. For anyone. There are no winners. 

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Maybe it's my left ear. Or my right knee.

He reiterates that he usually dates taller women and this whole situation is so ridiculous we feel embarrassed to have ever been present during this conversation.

"That's what you were struggling with all this time!" Mishel says and, no. It most definitely... wasn't.

Someone then (??) delivers their wedding video and makes us watch Steve and Mishel watch their own wedding. Which we already watched. And honestly as long-time viewers of this premium documentary series surely we deserve more respect than this... scene.

Mishel concludes through tears that she's sad to be leaving her "unusual friendship" that primarily consists of Steve yelling that he loves her while refusing to touch her. Physically.

'No one could possibly understand'
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But Steve has come to a realisation.

"You find yourself on your own again…" he says. "And to be honest, that’s why I came here. Because I’m over being on my own."

And, well. Didn't March 2020 have a surprise in store for you. Sir.

Mishel has decided to speak to her family about her final decision, and explains that while she has a very close relationship with the random man she married, he won't touch her in any intimate way. He also refuses to discuss it, and felt - as a 51-year-old man who agreed to marry a stranger on the television - he was being unfairly pressured to kiss her on the lips.

Not wanting to be rude, Mishel's daughter gently asks, "Wait... so why do you potentially want to be with him?"

But... oh no.

Mishel accidentally... forgot. Why she likes Steve.

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She swears she wrote it down somewhere but now she can't find it.

"I'll think of it, I'll think of it," she says while flicking through her notebook but it's not there.

Upon forgetting the reason why she stayed with Steve for eight weeks, she tells the camera that she's been in DISNEYLAND. But also FAIRYLAND. And SPACE. A BUBBLE, even. Pulled along by a STRING. And sweetie we're really going to need you to be more consistent with your metaphors because we are not following.

Over at Lizzie's house, her parents are lingering at the front door and it's like... come in?

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'If we're gonna throw shade all over your kitchen should we bring our own dust pan?'

Lizzie's parents are concerned Seb hasn't chosen a career path. Unlike their daughter. Who has responsibly chosen to be a returning MAFS bride and is excelling in her position, thank you very much.

Lizzie says that since meeting them, he hasn't even tried to buy an investment property with the money he doesn't have and like... where is his focus??

They agree that Seb, who they've called poor/directionless, is really lacking a "good sense of self" and look at this point we do not even marginally understand what Lizzie's concerns are but we appreciate her commitment to picking fights for no reason.

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But ALERT ALERT Mishel is going on a bush walk and now she's sitting on a log that is most probably damp.

I've made my decision and it's to remain here. Forever.

Ghost voiceovers say "I don't find you attractive... physically" and "just because it's your homestay doesn't mean we have to jump into bed," and honestly if this doesn't win an Emmy for Most Outstanding Editing then it's rigged.

We would never want to speak too early (yes we would) but it would appear Mishel is having a... realisation.

And this is what we’re here for. Two people. Different pages. Hearts broken. Ohhh and a power sleeve yes that's nice.

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As Mishel arrives, Steve yells “YOU LOOK LOVELY MISHEL LOVELY,” and okay that’s nice but where was your d*ck when she needed it.

Steve is going first, obviously, and yes he brought his reading glasses.

“Living with you as husband and wife was one of the best times of my life,” Steve says and dude all you did was fight and then there was that one time you had diarrhoea and Mishel thought it was hilarious.

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“You’ve changed my life Mishel, for the better,” he continues. “I’m so thankful I have you in my life forever,” and WHAT THE HELL MATE YOU DON’T EVEN WANT TO KISS HER. WHERE DO YOU THINK THIS IS GOING.

Steve looks pleased with himself and then invites Mishel to speak, so she can also celebrate their profound love.

But while Mishel starts off talking about their “special bond,” the doom violins suddenly come in and she announces that Steve was “never ready to take the next step”.

“The fact you kept telling me you were not attracted to me made me doubt myself,” she says and yeah no sh*t that’s why everyone repeatedly told you to… exit. Your… marriage.

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'I really didn't see it coming.'

“I want a partner that deserves me and wants me, with all their heart, soul and dreams. AND PENIS ALSO. SIR,” she demands and YAS MISHY sweetie you get that diiiuuuck.

Unfortunately, Mishel’s feminist monologue ends rather abruptly with the line: “Steve you have wasted my time,” and he definitely thinks there’s more coming but there’s not so they stand there awkwardly for a moment before Mishel has to ask, “do you have...anything…”

But no Steve doesn’t have anything to say. He doesn’t understand how this perfect relationship could’ve ended so suddenly, so argues, “that’s just your opinion,” and no sweetie the relationship is over it’s not a matter of… perspective.

“I’m sorry…” Mishel says, and Steve interrupts to say, “don’t apologise,” but then Mishel jumps in to say she was about to say she’s sorry Steve can’t see what he’s done and then he walks away and she walks the other way and this is NOT as smooth as anyone was expecting.

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In hindsight, Steve doesn’t give a huge amount of f*cks about the relationship that just ended, but Mishel is feeling very empowered.

She drops her wedding ring in the dirt and laughs and while the producer loves the sentiment, as soon as they’ve stopped rolling she makes Mishel find it because they need it for next season.

'Yeah we can't just buy a fresh ring for every single person who wants to get fake married on the television.'

Now we're ready for our final couple, and you better believe that returned MAFS bride Lizzie is f*cking with us.

"It worries me that Seb might not like what I have to say," she tells the camera and, yeah. Because you'll say one bad thing before telling Seb you love him and don't forget we've been here before, Elizabeth. We've all been here before. 

She meets him at the... altar (??) and no offence but we really don't want to listen to Seb's vows. If that's... okay.

Anyway, he chooses to stay and now it's time for Lizzie.

"YOU WERE JUST GONNA MAKE IT WORK NO MATTER WHAT," Lizzie says in a weirdly accusatory tone and it's like why is that... bad.

What is wrong with you.
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But then she pauses. 

"I can’t deny the feelings I have for you," she continues before committing to their relationship bla bla bla and CAN SOMEONE HOOK UP WITH MICHAEL THIS HEARTFELT RESOLUTION IS BORING FOR US.

Luckily, there's a reunion tomorrow night and Hayley, darling, how we've missed you.

UNTIL THEN.

For more gossip and lols, you can follow Clare and Jessie Stephens on InstagramFacebook and Twitter. You can also join our Facebook group, Married at First Sight Lols.

Catch up on all the recaps:

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 33: A misleading set of final vows.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 32: When you accidentally break up with your wife.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 31: Michael and Stacey need to break up already.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 30: 'How dare you bring my kids into this.'

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 29: We need to talk about the alleged cheating video.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 28: "I'm actually speechless."

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 27: The 'feedback' no one wanted.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 26: You cannot force your husband to have sex with you.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 25: 'I said I didn't want a superficial, materialistic, Instagram girl.'

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 24: A big sex lie is laid bare.

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The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 23: Ivan. Is. HEARTBROKEN. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 22: 'You're the unhealthiest person I know.'

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 21: The experts were just called out. Publicly.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 20: A very dramatic dinner party storm out.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 19: "I'm not attracted to you. Physically."

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 18: Lizzie is back. And we have... concerns.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 17: Um. A couple was just forcibly removed from the experiment. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 16: That's the most messed up thing we've ever seen on TV.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 15: IT'S A GODDAMN CHEATIN' SCANDAL.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 14: The fight that ruined David and Hayley.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 13: "I want to apologise to the gay community."

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 12: The penis that broke a marriage.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 11: Hayley and David are having 'unconventional sex'.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 10: The wrong bride just quit her marriage.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 9: We need to talk about consent.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 8: A dinner party turns... violent. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 7: When sex is a very bad idea.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 6: The worst match in all of history. 

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 5: We need to talk about Ivan. Immediately.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 4: "I'm just not attracted to you."

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 3: When your mother-in-law... hates you.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 2: STOP. They're ruining same sex marriage, too.

The Twins recap Married at First Sight episode 1: Poppy does NOT want to be here.