FASHION CRITICAL: It's only January and we already have the 10 worst trends of 2019.

She (or he, who knows?) has been labelled Australia’s answer to Joan Rivers and when it comes to commentating on what famous people wear, Fashion Critical holds nothing back.

More than 160,000 followers on Facebook eagerly await a new album by the self-proclaimed street-sweeper turned fashion critique and here, Fashion Critical has identified the 10 worst trends of the year…and it’s only January.

Asymmetrical jeans:

This is a goddamn sh*t show. Who came up with this idea? I feel like these jeans would give you an instant limp. “I’m feeling a bit blaggh today, might wear my fat jeans. Oh WAIT. My fat jeans are ALSO my skinny jeans. CUE INSTANTANEOUS head explosion.

Beginning Boutique swimmer bottoms:

What can be said about these bikini bottoms that hasn’t already been said by every HILARIOUS vagina owner in Australia. The fact is, that labia minora or majora are not welcome in these togs. Only pelvic bones and thigh gaps and those with a BMI of seven need apply. #freetheflaps

Watch what happened when Clare Stephens dared to try the Beginning Boutique bikini bottoms. You’ll never look at a tortilla wrap in the same way again.

Goat shoes:

Considering camel toes were not welcome in those bikini bottoms, the farshun community came together and decided to insert them into shoes. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND SACRED in this world, WHO COMES UP WITH THIS SHIT? I am for SURE going to pair these with my asymmetrical jeans and then LITERALLY die of shame and humiliation on the spot.

The half jacket:

When you’re hitting a black tie charity gala at 6pm and building sandcastles at the beach at 6:01pm. I think we can all agree that this look is not going to translate to the real world. I’m extremely curious to see the back of this. Also, one side is ALWAYS going to be either sweating or freezing. Would probably make sense to pair with asymmetrical jeans as I guess feeling confused and uncomfortable is now the purpose of fashion as we know it.

Low rise jeans are back:

The return of low rise jeans. Are we supposed to pair these with the high-rise vagina free bikini bottoms? I’m so confused and no longer following. I do know that the low-rise jean pant produces a muffin top that Gloria Jeans would be proud of. Grim times ahead folks. Please brace for impact.

Grass sneakers:

SERIOUSLY, is the entire fashion world smoking the stuff from which these sneakers are made? Imagine if the shoes had teeny tiny tennis courts on them and tiny people wearing other sneakers made of grass? And so on and so forth until your brain turns inside out and falls out on the floor.

Bike shorts as legit clothing:

Bike shorts as clothes: DISCUSS. Okay then, I’m so glad you asked. When I was in year 5, I had a party and wore bike shorts with a lovely black and white check pattern on them, paired with an oversize fluro Minnie Mouse T shirt. It really makes my heart soar to know that I’m not too far away from being able to rock that look again. Worryingly, don’t even mind Kim Kardashian’s bike pants ensemble. WHAT HAVE I BECOME???? *slides down wall, sobbing*

VERY large sun hats:

This is actually amazing. I would 11/10 wear this on a plane or at the movies. Beach umbrellas are SO last year, losers. BE the umbrella.

Inside out jeans:

I’m honestly shaking my head and my fists. BUT WHY HUMANS? Why are we hell bent on making ourselves look ugly? If this “trend” takes off, I’ll eat my giant hat.

90s shell accessories:

Ahhhhh the shell accessory. I probably would have had stronger words to say about this, had my eyes not have been burned CLEAR THROUGH to the skull from the previous images. I find this quite pleasant, plus it conjures memories of late night street-side purchases in Surfers Paradise, circa 1989. If you BEGGED mother, she might just buy you one. THOSE, my friends, were heady days, my friends. Heady days indeed.

Which fashion trend do you think is the most controversial? Tell us in a comment below.