One woman has refused to be her bridesmaid’s bridesmaid and the internet is not happy about it.
In a post on Mumsnet, the woman asked if she was being unreasonable. You see, she is a newlywed and has turned down the chance to be her bridesmaid’s bridesmaid.
Her reason? She doesn’t think married women should be bridesmaids… And she also thinks it’s just too much hassle. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
“I’m only a few months out of my own wedding and just want to enjoy being a newlywed with no damn ‘wedmin’ to deal with,” she wrote.
“Traditionally bridesmaids were unmarried women, acknowledging that married women were now onto the next chapter of their lives! I’m not saying it should have to be that way, but when did prioritising your own next chapter become wrong?”
She said she’s received negative reactions from most people in real life, but doesn’t believe she is under any obligation to be in anyone else’s wedding.
“I expect that friends will generally be happy for me when I announce that something I want is happening, but I certainly do not expect them to go bananas or be involved.”
The woman acknowledged that many will see her decision as selfish but she thought it was a reasonable choice.
“I decided to have a bridesmaid for practical purposes and I asked only what was necessary of her as I feel that being a bridesmaid is doing someone a real favour, she also got a choice in everything, which we paid for, for the same reason.
“Is this really so odd? To believe that no one is obliged to dedicate themselves to your life event unless they are literally involved (eg; your fiancé)?” she asked.
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Well. According to most Mumsnet commenters it’s not only odd, but rude.
“I think you are being very selfish. You were happy for your friend to support you but you are not happy to return the favour,” wrote one.
One wrote that she was being unreasonable and unbalancing the relationship: “You acknowledge that she did you a favour being your bridesmaid, but now you are not willing to return that favour when the time comes.”
“Your friend gave up time and energy to help you plan your wedding and make it really special, and you won’t do the same for her, on any scale, without seemingly any remorse or empathy that relationships have a bit of quid pro quo in them. My best friend was my bridesmaid, and if/when she gets married and wants the favour returned then of course I will do it for her,” said another.
One commenter agreed with the general principle that their should not automatically be reciprocal bridesmaid arrangements, but said the poster just sounds like she “can’t be arsed”.
The original poster hit back to say she believed she was being unselfish in turning her friend down, because her friend deserves bridesmaids who “can commit to her wedding in the way that she wants and needs.”
On her side was one commenter who wrote that it’s not just a matter of returning the favour because it might be a much bigger favour.
“Bridesmaids are supposed to be maidens, not marrieds, and the friend has apparently already got several lined up, so the whole thing won’t go pear-shaped for the lack of one more. OP has also explained that the friend’s wedding is a much bigger do than her own, so that bridesmaiding (I just made up that word) is likely to be more complicated/demanding for this event than for her own.”
“Different brides have VERY VERY different expectations of bridesmaids. I’d happily be a low key, turn-up-for-the-day bridesmaid but would refuse to get involved if it was more a huge commitment and expense,” said another.
What do you think? Is she being unreasonable? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
Top Comments
Back in the day single women were bridesmaids and married women were maids of Honour, it would be interesting to know if this very rude"friend' even participated in any of the pre wedding stuff , It is such an honour to be asked to be involved in the wedding, I have been involved in many weddings over the years, as a maker of dresses, doing hair and makeup, doing the food and even a brides maid, Personally I would uninvite her from the wedding party and the actual wedding. A very very selfish person she is
Saying bridesmaids are supposed to be unmarried women is a little disingenuous. In this day and age, plenty of married women are bridesmaids. I was! Unless you’re marrying into the royal family, it’s generally not an issue anymore. If you don’t think you can commit to the time/ energy/money involved, that’s fair enough, we don’t know what the bride is like. Perhaps she is one of the ones who expects her bridesmaids to spend a fortune on bachelorette parties and dresses etc, and wants the world to revolve around her. But be honest about it.
Agreed, why not just say you can't do it and make up a reasonable excuse (sorry, I've got so much on and it wouldn't be fair to lumber you with a bridesmaid that couldn't be totally involved) rather than saying something like this?
She seems to think that unmarried women don't actually have a life to concentrate on, so they are free to the minions of the bride-to-be. Once you're married, you have so much going on in your life (a new phase, no less!), so of course you don't have time to help out. That's the duty of all those sad women left on the shelf.
It's probably this. Some women genuinely think that getting a ring on their finger suddenly means their time is so much more valuable than unmarried women.
It's amusing how so many rom-coms have a single person who's whole purpose in life seems to be to ensure that the pretty girl is with the pretty boy.