I sent him a text the next morning.
A text in the afternoon.
No response.
A day later, a call.
No answer.
I got the hint. I was being ghosted.
I’d heard about the phenomenon of “ghosting” before it happened to me, which is when someone in your life just disappears like a ghost, without a warning or a goodbye. They just leave. Whether it’s towards a friend or a significant other, to ghost someone is an extremely childish method of avoiding confrontation.
Mamamia’s single ladies share their dating stories. Post continues after video.
I was in a regular, healthy relationship with a long-distance boyfriend and six months in, he removed himself from my life without a warning. (He drunk texted me months later, but I had deleted his number. I felt a little better after I replied, “new phone, who dis” and went on with my day.)
Our “breakup” was so sudden.
One day I was on the phone with him and we were planning a trip to New York together. I was confiding in him about my stress and frustration at my new job. I had jumped into a new job within my career comfort zone that I knew ultimately, would not bring me happiness.
I remember he was trying to cheer me up but nothing he could have said would’ve gotten me out of that downward spiral.
The conversation didn’t end with us upset at one another, but I think he was frustrated enough to need space. Even at that moment, I could understand why. I was a cloud of negativity and stress. It was hard to keep pushing me towards happiness I just wasn’t feeling.
Space wasn’t what I wanted, but I could see perhaps he’d want to just table the conversation and talk tomorrow.
The next day, I didn’t hear from him in the morning or in the afternoon.
Side note – we’ve come up with the best break up text and you can hear all about it in the podcast below. Post continues after audio.
I knew he was busy with work and I didn’t want to overwhelm him, so I didn’t text or call him. We usually talked on the phone every night, but he still hadn’t contacted me that night, and I was already in bed.
I finally texted him, just a shy little “hi”.
No response.
So, I gave him the space he was obviously asking for and waited until the next day to call him.
No answer.
So I texted and asked if we could talk.
No response.
I got the hint, so I gave him room. I let him be. Days went by and I tried texting him again.
No response.
This is from a man I was in a serious relationship with for six months. Sure it was long-distance and short-lived, but it was still a relationship and a friendship.
Someone I spoke to every single day. Someone who met my friends and stayed at my home when he was in town. Someone I sat through five-hour flights to spend a few days together.
Someone whose father and best friends I’d met.
I wouldn’t call it a casual fling.
For someone to just toss you to the side without a single attempt for closure, is disrespectful and in poor taste. It’s embarrassing to explain to your closest friends that “he just stopped talking to me”.
It was an odd, immature, and embarrassing type of breakup.
But the lesson I learned was that as much as I wanted to hate him for breaking my heart, he wasn’t a terrible person. Sure, he was immature to just walk away without a single attempt at a conversation.
But I also know I was going through a difficult time, trying to figure out where my career was going. I can imagine how hard it must’ve been for him to battle the negativity of my life day after day, unsure of how he could help me.
What we had wasn’t love. So, it wasn’t realistic for me to expect so much from him. And it wasn’t worth it for him to stick around for someone who was going through a serious emotional crisis.
He’s not a bad person for ghosting me. Immature, yes. But not a bad person.
Real love will be there during those difficult moments and try to help you find your way out of the dark.
But it isn’t easy. It’s hard to be there for someone during the worst times, but if you love them, you want to be there. You want to try, for them.
It’s a testament to the strength of a relationship. And someone who isn’t willing to support me as a partner in the bad times is not someone I want to be with in the good times.
Easier said than done, but no one should long for a relationship that ended because someone wasn’t willing to be there for you even when you would’ve been there for them.
This boyfriend could have ended things differently; perhaps tried to have a conversation like a real man. But I’ve grown so much since then, this relationship is nothing but a lesson learned.
Seriously, we’re adults. Don’t ghost your friends or partners.
Have a conversation. Don’t just leave someone confused, still under the impression they’re in a relationship with you, while you walk away to avoid an awkward encounter. Use your words and give someone the decency of a goodbye.
What are your thoughts on ghosting? Tell us in a comment below.
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