Right now on social media, you've likely had 'tradwife' content flooding your feed.
It follows women — often young, traditionally attractive mothers — staying at home with their countless kids and making meals from scratch.
They take videos of themselves busy in the kitchen — they're baking sourdough while organising perfectly curated breakfasts for their little ones, sometimes even making packaged lunches for their husbands who are off to work.
Many tradwives online post this content in an aesthetic that is very '50s housewife, promoting devotion to one's family, a clear division of labour and a very hetero-normative outlook on gender, femininity, sex and identity.
Think Ballerina Farm or Lex Delarosa.
As one tradwife previously told Mamamia: "My favourite things to do around the home are cook, clean, and take care of myself. I make sure to start the day with a full face of makeup, groomed hair, and a house dress! It's like a uniform and it gets me started on my daily house tasks. I spend anywhere from three to five hours a day in my kitchen and I clean for one to two hours max."
Watch: If a man lived like a woman for a day. Post continues below.
But there are countless women who have learned firsthand the downsides of being a tradwife, namely when their marriage dissolves and they're left with very little.
Jennie Gage knows what it's like to leave the 'tradwife' life behind.
"My Mormon faith told me I was supposed to be a stay-at-home mum — from 19 I started having babies, I dropped out of college and I never had a career. I would work for our family business for the next 24 years of my marriage but I never got paid. Nothing was under my name," she recounted this week.
For 24 years she lived in million-dollar homes, vacationed across the world and was gifted diamond tennis bracelets. It was all at her ex-husband's beck and call though, she says.
"It never bothered me once that my financial security was dependent on that man being in love with me. I never realised that him liking me or not determined whether or not my children could eat, whether or not I could buy myself a jug of milk and a loaf of bread."
At 44, Gage found herself divorced and living in her car for the first few months of the separation.
She put together a resumé and applied for a job relevant to her former family business. She says that during the job interview she was laughed at by the male employer. Fortunately, in the past five years, Gage has managed to find steady employment — but working seven days a week to keep her and her kids financially supported comes with a heavy mental load.
Gage shares her story often on TikTok via her page @LifeTakeTwo, hoping that young women in particular who are interested in the tradwife lifestyle know the risks and exactly what they're getting into before it's too late.
"There's not a day that goes by where I don't wonder why I didn't have a f**king backup plan. You can be happy, rich and loving your life like Ballerina Farm until the guy walks out."
For a bit of background, tradwife is internet shorthand for "traditional wife".
As academics Kristy Campion and Kiriloi M. Ingram noted to Mamamia, tradwives across the political spectrum believe the place of women is in the home — as wives and mothers. They justify this through political or religious beliefs, or their own personal choices. Many argue they are returning to a traditional way of living that has become unconventional in a society that expects women to be part of the workforce.
"It's ironic that women who choose to become far-right tradwives are romantically reimagining a time when women couldn't choose their own conditions — while condemning the feminism that has allowed them to make those choices today."
Isiah McKimmie is a relationship counsellor, sex therapist and sexologist.
From a very pragmatic perspective, McKimmie notes that women taking time off from their careers to have children and being full-time at home can put them in a vulnerable position later in life in terms of work experience and smaller superannuation.
"Women over 50 are the fastest growing demographic experiencing homelessness. In some cases, this is because many have previously lived more of that kind of traditional relationship and they now don't have the financial security they need when the relationship ends for whatever reason," she notes.
"From a couples therapist point of view, the theory of 'accepting influence' has shown to be really vital in the success of relationships. Accepting influence is when you take on your partner's opinions, beliefs and needs as equally important as your own. Women tend to do this naturally, but when there's very traditional gender roles at play in a heterosexual marriage, the wife can start to feel not listened to by her husband."
Ultimately the issues start to arise when one partner feels unfulfilled or not listened to.
McKimmie says that research shows couples with a more egalitarian view of their balanced roles in the relationship have higher satisfaction and higher sexual satisfaction, versus couples where this is an imbalance in control.
So for those who choose to go down this path, it's about going in with all the facts and a backup plan if the worst-case scenario is to arise.
"It's challenging because no one really ever wants to think their relationship won't work. But sadly, not all relationships last. Your wellbeing and wealth, and the future wellbeing of your children is really important, as well as making sure you have wider support systems in place and an understanding of money and finance," says McKimmie.
"Seeing an individual counsellor or a couples counsellor can also be wise. There are lots of ways a relationship can work, and I don't want to judge anyone's choices. It's just that in these situations, women always end up being the ones picking up the pieces, not men."
Feature Image: TikTok @emergingmotherhood/@lifetaketwo.
Calling all Australians aged 18+ years…we want to hear from you! Complete this survey now to go in the running to win a $100 gift voucher.
Top Comments