I speak English beautifully, and do you know how I know this? Because I have been told many times.
Even though my accent is unmistakably Australian, and should clearly indicate that I was born here, too many people have judged my identity on the fact that I’m brown, and assumed that I am a foreigner. Why else would they comment on my ability to speak English well without knowing anything else about me?
Telling me I speak good English on this basis is casual racism – where the intention isn’t exactly to offend, but it’s based on erroneous, subconscious prejudices.
WATCH: The problem with just saying 'I'm not racist.' Post continues below.
In the last few weeks, in the era of the deaths of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor and the ensuing conversations about racial bias, the term ‘microaggressions’ has been repeatedly used.
In essence, a racial microggression is what we know as casual racism. The term was first used in the 1970s by Harvard's Chester M. Pierce, and can refer to prejudice based on a person’s race, ethnicity, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or disability.
It's not a crime to say one. It's not even deemed sufficiently serious to constitute abuse. But a racial microaggression, albeit usually said well-intentionally, hurts, and is difficult for the recipient to forget. The words are deeply othering, and the cumulative effect over years of hearing similar things can result in a lack of confidence and struggle with identity.
Microaggressions also reinforce racial stereotypes, and although usually delivered casually, indicate a certain ignorance by the deliverer, and result in offence by the recipient.
For example, Oprah Winfrey once spoke about being told, "You’re not really black”, by one of her wealthy neighbours, who was trying to make her feel good about being a minority in her neighbourhood.
This was a microggression, and Winfrey recognised it immediately. On the other hand, the worst microaggression I ever experienced was covered by the person delivering it – one of my closest friends – so I didn’t recognise it for what it was for years.
I spoke out about it this week: about being told I needed to cover up my genetic dark eye pigmentation, because I "look like I've been punched in the face".
It was said to me by my friend (admittedly a decade ago) who was trying to help me ‘look better’ after my divorce. Her intention was good – but it didn’t feel good to hear it. I eventually realised that her microaggression was based on an ingrained belief about darkness not being as beautiful as lightness; which traditionally has been one of the main premises of the beauty industry.
Here are some other examples of microaggressions:
1. “Can I touch your hair?”
My friend Kee, with her ‘unusual’ locks, experiences this constantly. She wrote about it for Mamamia, explaining the problem perfectly:
“For years, black women have been judged for their natural tresses, made to feel that their hair was 'wild', begged for a relaxer to fit in, have been expelled for dreadlocks or forced to wear weaves in order to feel professional or polished in a work environment.
“I’m not here to entertain you nor do I care to be touched.
“Please keep your hands to yourself and try getting to know me as a person before asking about my family tree.”
2. “You speak English so well.”
My Indian-born mother has been told this by people who would never know that she was literally educated in school and medical school in English. White people do not have ownership of the language.
3. “You’re Asian and you can’t do maths?”
Sorry to disappoint your incredibly biased expectations based on Hollywood stereotypes.
4. “I don’t think of you as ‘different’. I don’t see colour.”
The saying of these words indicates that a difference is noted. You wouldn’t say this to a person you didn’t think was different.
5. “I have a lot of black friends.”
Ok, sure, but you don’t have a lot – or any – experience of living their lives. So you cannot claim an understanding by osmosis.
6. “I don’t believe in tokenism based on race.”
You’re right, it shouldn’t have to happen. But we are not all born equal, and all lives matter, but historically and statistically, the lives of non-whites have mattered less. That’s what’s led us to the problems today.
7. “We check everyone’s bag.”
No, you don’t. You didn’t do it to the three people in front of me.
Also, while we’re at it, you also don’t ask for everyone to pay upfront. So, don’t ask it of me at the service station, dry cleaner, or locksmith. (Yep, I’ve experienced all three.)
8. “Where are you really from?”
Just ask “what’s your heritage?” if you really need an explainer on why I have a different skin colour to yours. And if I tell you the truth – Adelaide, South Australia – please just accept it.
9. “You must be Greek/Aboriginal/Italian.”
Assuming someone’s background is one of the most offensive things you can do; not because I’d be offended to be any of those people, but because making someone explain or defend their identity is incredibly rude. And tedious.
10. “You’re not really Asian.”
My parents are Indian. India is in south-east Asia. I grew up believing my identity was Asian. My parents identify as Asian.
Please don’t argue my identity with me based on cultural stereotypes and poor geography. I wouldn’t do that to you.
Nama Winston has had a decade-long legal career (paid), and a decade-plus parenting career (unpaid). You can follow her on Instagram and Facebook.
Feature Image: Instagram/@namawinston
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