I turned up to my son’s school recently to see his teacher telling him off. She was clearly angry with him and a bit shouty. I stood there as she got stuck into him. She went on and on, to the point that I was feeling uncomfortable. My son tried to hide it, but I could see that he was really upset.
Yep, my son had done something wrong. He was racing around recklessly. I’m not going to pretend he’s an angel, and I’m not going to say he shouldn’t have been told off. But I didn’t like the way the teacher was talking to him. It was unnecessarily harsh. I wouldn’t talk to him like that. So what do you say? Can you say anything?
In the years that my kids have been in primary school, it’s become pretty obvious that teachers are a lucky dip. Most of them are good. In fact, great. They manage to stay calm while keeping control of a rowdy bunch of kids. They’re firm but kind. I am in awe of them.
But not all teachers are great. At my kids’ school, as well as the harsh teacher, there is one who tries to get kids to behave by humiliating them. She likes to single out kids at assembly, mention them by name, ask them a series of mocking questions (“Oh, sorry, are we interrupting your conversation, are we?”) and make them squirm.
Most schools seem to have a harsh teacher or two, like the one my son has. One mum friend told me about the time her five-year-old almost burst into tears when a teacher yelled at her for running on the asphalt. Another told me that her daughter got an angry telling-off for walking over and sitting next to a kid who was being punished.
Other parents have witnessed even worse things going on at their schools.
Oh yeah, I know. In the old days it was the strap and the cane and the blackboard duster thrown across the classroom. Today’s kids don’t know how lucky they are, blah blah blah.
But the fact is, today’s kids are brought up differently. As parents, we read the books and we listen to the experts. We’re told that we should set clear boundaries, but always be kind to our kids. We’re told that we should never yell at them because it’s harmful, maybe as harmful as smacking. We’re supposed to be setting an example for how we’d like them to treat other people.
And then they come to school, and if they’re unlucky, they end up with a harsh teacher or one who humiliates kids.
You could say it prepares them for the real world. But in the real world these days, bosses can’t get away with raising their voices at their employees or singling them out for ridicule. Not in most workplaces, anyway.
A child’s teacher makes a massive difference to their life – for that year of their childhood, and maybe into the future. Am I asking too much to want my son to have a teacher who speaks kindly to him, in primary school at least?
Top Comments
If you think this is bad I have to wonder how you are coping in the real world. When I was in primary school (30 years ago) I was what we would now call ''emotionally abused'' by two teachers. I was called stupid, useless, told I would never achieve anything and that it was no wonder no one liked me. These kind of comments happened all throughout my primary school years. Have I let it affect me? No, because I decided from a very young age that as long as I liked myself and who I was as a person other peoples opinions about me didn't matter. Your son is going to meet a wide range of people when he enters the real world and if you don't prepare him for that he will continue to have issues throughout his life.
I can't speak for every teacher but in my experience most teachers do not yell/shout. But when they do raise their voice, it is usually a very effective tool to stop a child in their tracks.
Kids are raised differently these days and doesn't that show in the classroom. Some parents do not know how to say "No" to their children and it reflects in their behaviour because they come to think that everything in life is a choice (e.g. I don't want to do write that narrative or finish my maths) and that there are consequences for those choices.
It is a fact that some parents do not want their children disciplined because they get "upset" due to the consequences of that discipline.
Yes, there are workplaces where teens will be yelled at. DS19 was sworn at by his boss for not completing a form correctly. He just laughed about it. While the boss was out of line, people are human and stuff like that happens. We all have to deal with a range of people throughout our lives. It is a skill and you're never too young to learn.