While most of us are thrilled to be asked to be a bridesmaid, depending on the person asking, the question can be followed by a slow, sinking feeling.
Wait, how much is this going to cost me?
Of course, it’s one of those experiences that money can’t buy, and if we’re doing it for someone we love and care about, the excitement far outweighs any financial concerns.
But… still.
There’s the dress.
And the shoes.
And the hens.
And the bridal shower.
And the kitchen tea.
And the gifts.
And WE’RE NOT MADE OF MONEY.
The other concern is that for many of us, we’re not actually sure what’s normal to spend on someone else’s wedding.
So we asked five women to break down exactly how much it cost them to be a bridesmaid. And whether or not, in the end, they thought it was reasonable.
Mamamia Confessions: The worst request I received as a bridesmaid. Post continues after video.
Lily, 28.
Relationship to the bride: A good friend.
Wedding location: Near Melbourne CBD.
Total cost: $1070.
Where all the money went:
- Hens night – $500.
- Dress – $300.
- Gifts (engagement, bridal party, wedding) – $220.
- Spray tan – $50.
How did you feel about the cost of the wedding?
“I was really surprised. I didn’t expect it to cost that much. I couldn’t believe how quickly it added up. I don’t even think brides know how much it costs.”
Remy, 21.
Age: 21.
Relationship to the bride: Cousin.
Wedding location: Hunter Valley.
Total cost: $855.
Where all the money went:
- Dress: $180.
- Shoes: $95.
- Bridesmaid gowns: $30.
- Wedding hotel: $280.
- Hens venue: $70.
- Hens Airbnb: $100.
- Hens food: $35.
- Hair and makeup: $20.
- Dress alterations: $45.
How did you feel about the cost of the wedding?
“It was so rude… I feel like I could’ve dealt with the hotel cost and doing our own makeup and hair, but they asked for way too much. The hens was fun but stressful. They should’ve at least bought the dress and shoes or picked cheaper options.”
Sasha, 29.
Relationship to the bride: Best friend.
Wedding location: Doltone House, Sydney.
Total cost: $1850.
Where all the money went:
- Engagement present: $100.
- Official engagement lunch: $150.
- Surprise hens weekend in Melbourne: $1,000 (included flights, accommodation, ‘entertainment’, alcohol, food, hair & makeup for bride, transport)
- Tan and nails for wedding: $100
- Wedding Gift: $500
How did you feel about the cost of the wedding?
“I was definitely overwhelmed because I knew I was spending more money than I could actually afford, BUT at the same time I really wanted my friend to have the best experience. I know if/when the time ever comes, she would put in just as much effort for me. HOWEVER, I never want to be a bridesmaid again.”
Tammy, 38.
Relationship to the bride: Very close friend’s daughter.
Wedding location: Melbourne.
Total cost: $1940 (not including costs for children).
Where all the money went:
- Flights: $450.
- Accommodation: $500.
- Car Hire: $250.
- Dress: $200.
- Shoes: $70.
- Wishing well: $100.
- Hens night: $250.
- Nails: $50.
- Hair and makeup: $70.
How did you feel about the cost of the wedding?
“I’ve been honoured to be in three bridal parties, but thank goodness I don’t think I will be in any more! If I ever got asked to be in another bridal party I would politely decline, as it’s much easier to just be a guest.”
Is being asked to be a bridesmaid an honour, or a pain in the arse? The Mamamia Out Loud have very different opinions. Post continues after audio.
Leah, 25.
Relationship to the bride: A friend from university.
Wedding location: Hinterland of Queensland beach.
Total cost: $2170 (not including flights to and from Melbourne and Brisbane on three occasions and gifts).
Where all the money went:
- Dress with alterations: $600.
- Makeup: $120.
- Shoes: $150.
- Accommodation for hens: $400.
- Activities for hens (high tea, dinners, party catering, stretch hummer, going out): $400.
- Accommodation for other two weekends: $500.
How did you feel about the cost of the wedding?
“I hate a generalisation that all brides are demanding and crazy but my friend sure didn’t help the stereotype. Her wedding was definitely the biggest event of that year for me and not from my choice.”
How much has being a bridesmaid cost you? Tell us in the comments!
Top Comments
"They should’ve at least bought the dress and shoes or picked cheaper options"
Ummm... yes, I am just a naïve male. So does the bride pick the dress & shoes you have to wear, and then make you pay for them?
That's my understanding - though I have no experience in this area
Depends on the bride. Some will choose, some will let you have input, some will say ‘choose what you like as long as it’s blue’ (or whatever colour/theme they have in mind). Payment also varies, I think traditionally the bride was supposed to pay, but these days the bridesmaids often foot the bill. Hence the problems, when brides have expensive tastes and maids have a small budget! Or when (as in several examples here) you’re not only paying for the dress and shoes, but the hair and makeup, spray tan, gifts, and half a dozen pre-wedding events. It adds up REAL quick.
"traditionally the bride was supposed to pay, but these days the bridesmaids often foot the bill"
Thanks. I actually didn't know that you could tell bridesmaids the exact dress and shoes they had to wear, and then tell them they had to pay for them.
Oh yeah, and that’s where the issues come in! As I said, budgets can be a issue, especially as it’s a dress you’re probably only going to wear once (no matter what the salesgirl tells you, you will not wear that brown shantung gown again). Add on the stress of finding something to fit and (hopefully) flatter varying body types and different personal tastes, and it’s a whole lot going on. If all the people involved are generally reasonable, laid back types, it’s probably not going to be too bad. But if there’s a couple of high maintenance types (or bossy mother/in law) involved, it might be an ordeal!
I have been a bridesmaid 4 times and I've spent varying amounts. The lowest was about $300 (we paid for our own makeup on the day, spray tan and nails in lead up and we just did a dinner for the hens), the other 3 all covered everything for the actual wedding (spray tan and nails no included) and we just paid for the hens. Anywhere between $500-$1500. The larger spend was for my sisters so I was okay with that.
I am now planning my own wedding and we will cover everything for the wedding day (dress, shoes, hair and makeup and spray tan), nails will be their choice/expense and the hens will be their expense. I have made it clear that I am happy to contribute for the hens though as I am well aware how expensive they can be!
I can honestly say I have never, ever - not once - ever noticed a bridesmaid's nails. Perhaps an expense best skipped altogether?
Agreed - hence why I'm making it their decision. If they want to get it, then by all means but it's at their expense.
Ah, OK - gotcha. Up until now it wouldn't have occurred to me that a bridesmaid would even need to have a mani!
Out of interest, are you mandating a spray-tan for the whole bridal party? As someone who's never had one before (am lily-white), I wonder if you have any bridesmaids who are usually very fair who might be taking the plunge for your day?
Yes I'm mandating a spray tan because I have chosen white for them to wear. Two of my bridesmaids are ULTRA pale (one of them I call translucent haha!) so they would blend into the dress otherwise lol! They have had spray tans before though so not a big deal. (I'm also covering the cost as I want them to have it done).
If you haven't had one before and will need one for an upcoming event, I'd strongly suggest getting one a few months before or something as a trial. Its life changing however it's a unique experience the first few times. Alternatively, get a self-tanner and do it at home to get used to it. I like Bondi-sands as the tan and then the Le Tan tanning mitt. Good luck :)