Mia on the set of the Today Show
So. Good week? Nice day? Any thoughts? We have one open post a week on Mamamia, where we can all talk about anything you like. Anything at all. And here it is.
I’ve been writing more column posts on Mamamia lately so I’ve taken a break from writing the weekly Open Post but I thought I’d make a return today.
Many commenters have asked how we’re doing with the increased level of argy bargy that comes with increased traffic. Double edged sword etc. The answer is that mostly we’re fine with it. Rude comments are deleted as soon as we see them. Life goes on.
I was a bit exhausted though yesterday. A wee bit battered. It didn’t last long. I bounced back pretty quickly and I’m feeling much better today. But it is a unique and extremely challenging experience to read hundreds of rude comments about yourself, without being able to be rude back, lest you be accused of, you know, BEING RUDE. Or BULLYING. UNFOLLOW.
This column I wrote about a fight I recently had with a stranger on a plane blew up as a number of commenters went quite feral. It’s always these kinds of seemingly innocuous posts – when they go that way – that catch me unawares. When I write about controversial topics like abortion or feminism or gay marriage or when I take on organised aggressive groups like the anti-vaccination AVN, I’m braced for the onslaught. And in most cases, it’s a spirited debate about ISSUES. Not me.
But when I write about something that happened in my own life and I get slammed for it, well, that’s harder to know how to respond. The way I write has always been to take situations in everyday life and sort of analyse them. Often using myself as a punch line. I never particularly try to show myself in a positive, perfect light. I find it much more interesting to explore the more authentic bits of my life. The unintentionally funny or awkward or uncomfortable or embarrassing bits.
Mia hanging out with Millsy on the set of Young Talent Time
Just as I did for the column about my fight with the stranger. Anyway. It’s all part of the peaks and troughs that come with this gig. My only concern is that I don’t want that kind of loud negativity (negative commenters are always the loudest and most memorable!) to sit on my shoulder next time I’m writing my column and inhibit me from telling the truth about something I did or felt or said for fear I’ll get slammed. Because sure, I could portray this fictitious, glossy magazine version of myself and my life but I walked away from that because I don’t think it’s helpful to other women. To be fake or only talk about the good bits.
So that’s me.
On another note, it’s the Easter Hat parade at my daughter’s school today, followed by a family picnic and easter egg hunt. I’m dashing out of the office to go to the parade but I have a meeting after that and can’t stay for the hunt and picnic. And you know what’s SO interesting about this (to me)? I don’t feel guilty. I keep waiting for it to hit. To feel terrible about not making it to the hunt and the picnic. But for some unknown reason, I’m totally cool about it.
Her nanny who she adores will be there with her own baby daughter and my younger son and I feel completely secure in the knowledge that I’m doing my best to be there for the parade and she’ll have a great time without me afterwards.
If you are a guilt-ridden mother, I just wanted to tell you that to make you feel better. I’m sure I haven’t put my guilt to bed forever but the lightness I feel without it today is quite delightful.
We had some great time together, my daughter and I, on the weekend at Young Talent Time where I took her to watch the show being taped. We loved it so much that I’m going to write a whole post about it this Friday. But I’ve put a few sneak peek shots in the photo gallery below:
I was sent some Von Follies lingerie by Dita Von Teese.
What’s on your mind?
Comments
332 Comments so far
Oops, typo…..first line…”she”.nthats what you get for a first time blog.
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Ok, firstly my parter suggested I blog, well he didn’t actually use those words but suggested all her girlfriends would agree with her and as most follow this site, here I am. Now as to why. I did the washing, again. No, I didn’t put in red footy socks with white tee’s, nor did I put her nice undies in with my industrial strength jeans, darks with darks…..simple. Or so I thought. No. “How many times have I asked you not to do the washing” she yelled….umm….weren’t we at therapy and didn’t you say “…if he only did more around the house, things would be good between us”. So in search of eternal happiness I lifted my game….so you can appreciate my surprise at her reply. You see I didn’t use the pre-wash option so aparently it had to go through again….and all her girlfriends pre-wash and I am once again relegated to the Neanderthal bench with my fellow males….note to self, time to re-read Men are from Mars (right after I read the instruction manual to the washing machine). AB.
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Please don’t censor yourself Mia, I love your candor and writing style. I have read all of your books and I’m a regular on this site. I found your ‘flight fight’ article funny. Yes your behaviour was childish but hey, I have been known to act that way too when another adult feels that they have the right to tell me what to do. I love the way you tell stories and I often feel we are on the same wavelength. I remember reading one of your books, half thinking to myself, you have such an amazing life I’m so envious and half thinking, we would have been friends if we grew up together. However,
I haven’t always agreed with your opinions but we all have the right to respectfully agree to disagree.
I don’t understand the hating that goes on in the blogosphere, is it because of the anonymity. Please remember that there is a person on the receiving end of your hate. Would you say those things to a persons face!
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Thanks Me!!!
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Can someone please help me? I simply cannot handle motherhood. My almost 3yr old son and 19mth old son are driving me insane. Mr 3 has become so aggressive to his brother, pushing him over, smacking him over the head, punching him to the point where I feel it is dangerous to leave them alone together (i.e. taking the younger one to the laundry with me etc). On top of that Mr 3 refuses to do anything I ask him – change clothes, eat, take shoes off, have a bath, get out of bath. My husband has smacked him a few times over the past few days and so have I. It isn’t a path I wanted to take, in fact I am quite opposed to it but we are driven to the edge. People say to give them to my parents or to my in laws so I can have a break but that doesn’t fix the problems we have at home, I still have to deal with their behaviour when they are home. Mr 3 smacked Mr 19mths over the head really hard with something as long and thick as my arm that he picked up when we were in the shed and on instinct I grabbed it off him and smacked him over the bottom. So that is my life – listening to constant whinging and crying. Truly am I the only one? Is everyone really going through this as well or are my kids just really really bad? Oh and naughty corner doesn’t work either, he willingly goes there and sits there smiling or laughing. It is my birthday today and I am really unhappy that I had such a shit day. And then I have guilt on top that I have been smacking him. Oh and to top it off my husband works away so I don’t have him to help me at times. Rant over. Thanks guys x
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Oh, Emmeline, I really feel for you. I felt like that all the time when I had small children. The only thing that got me through those times was that I had breaks. They would go off to my mum’s or MIL’s for a few hours a couple of times a week. That is what you need. You need time apart from them. Do you have occasional care near you?
When your older child is upsetting you, put him in his room and shut the door, even if this happens a couple of times a day. He needs to know the difference between good and bad behaviour and what results from being naughty. When he is good, tell him. Engage with him a bit more maybe? Make your own playdough and sit at the table with him. If he is naughty, pack it up and put him in his room. Or tip out the Lego box. If all else fails, take him outdoors where he can get fresh air and run around. Not only will this wear him out, it gets you out too and we are all a little less inclined to lose it out in public. Good luck.
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I have two sons- same things would happen when they were little.Go to the park, your mums,backyard etc.Leave the house if you can.It can drive you nuts. I know a woman who went to a psychologist coz her 3 sons were driving her insane.
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I am not a mother, so can’t give you any advice except not to be too hard on yourself. But I absolutely know that you have asked the best bunch of people.
The women on here who have experience will reach out to you. It’s a wonderful group of women.
Best wishes to you xxxx
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Happy Birthday! All I can say is most mothers know how you are feeling at the moment and hopefully it is a stage that will pass. Keep disciplining your 3 year old. If smacking is not working try EVERYTHING you can think of, isolation, removal of toys, naughty corner, extra attention and affection, alone time with just him, change of diet or routine etc and eventually something will work. Motherhood is a fricken hard godforsaken job at times. We all love our kids SO much but sometimes cant stand the sight (or sounds) of them them as well
Sending you hugs xxx
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I’ve tried smacking and didn’t get great results. It seemed to escalate the fisticuffs.
What I’ve since tried that has worked better is taking away TV privileges (even thought it’s painful when you need some time for yourself).
Also, make sure ‘Time out’ is really fricking boring, take them right out of the action. I emptied a bathroom of breakables and put them in there and close the door on them. Give them a few minutes to work out how bored they are and then go in and talk about what they did that was naughty. Ask Mr 3 year old how he thinks hitting Mr 19 months made Mr 19m feel. Tell him calmly that it makes you feel upset when he hits his brother. It’s important that you don’t let your frustration show because then he knows that he has a way to manipulate/punish you.
I always make their release from the bathroom conditional on ‘So, I let you out of here, will you stop behaviour X?’ They don’t get to come out until I get a ‘yes’.
Everybody’s kids are different, but these methods met with some success for us. We haven’t had to have a time out in months.
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Emmeline I really feel for you. I went through those hard years. Our daughter was 3 and hard work when her little brother arrived. Then he was an angel until about the age of 3. All I can say to you is it does get better. With consistency they do eventually get the hang of discipline but choose your battles and don’t sweat the small stuff as otherwise every day will be one long fight. Also remember the kids feed off your tension so if you can try to stay calm that will be a huge win. Do what you can to get through, yoga, mediation, exercise, a glass of wine or maybe medication from your doctor. All the best, and keep remembering… it does get better and easier!
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Hi Emmeline,
You are not alone. There are thousands of mothers and fathers going through the Tyrant Threes. It will pass which doesnt help you a great deal now but hopefully it will give you the courage to go on. One day he will turn into a fine young adult just like he is now. a fine young son when he is asleep@!
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I have now been a country girl for four weeks! Never lived in the country before and, as it was a sudden decision, was a bit of a shock.
Then as you all know I lost all my possessions, every single thing that I have collected, bought, owned over the past 40 years. That was a tough one and I was really struggling with it.
I worked out yesterday how to handle it – the law suit, hearing etc, and the huge loss – without letting it get me really down.
Because it was done maliciously and illegally it’s been really tough. But I have found a way to handle it and not lie down or feel anger or hate.
So I’m kind of a bit proud of myself – and very thankful for Vodka.
I’ve had such huge losses over the past three years, my home, my relationship, my baby, my beautiful little soul mate, nearly my life, …. now this.
But I also know that it’s not what happens to you in life but how you handle it that matters. I don’t want to be angry or depressed or vengeful, I want to learn how to cope with these things and move on. Not let them destroy me which is what nearly happened.
Thanks everyone on here for being so kind and so supportive, I really appreciate.
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Mia, I am in grave danger of chanelling my mother here.
I always get really worried whenever you put up photos that show the floor of the Mamamia Office. From a health and safety perspective those cords, extension leads and power boards everywhere are such a trip hazard. Please do something about it before someone gets hurt.
Please.
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Gotta admit I thought the same thing! It’s how I bunged up my ankle resulting in an ankle reconstruction.
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Hi Mia,
reading your posts is always a breath of fresh air, but it is especially so this week with the message that you aren’t discouraged by the critics…
It is a sad day when someone stops sharing stories or speaking their mind (providing they are doing no harm to others!) because naysayers feel they can respond with whatever they chose as they hide behind a keyboard and a computer screen!
It is an even sadder day when said critics take it that step further, arguing against an opinion is one thing but personal attacks are just so unnecessary!
Hope you all have a fabulous and relaxing Easter long weekend!!
Nat x
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I didn’t read that post or the “feral” replies. Best to laugh but it’s not always easy.
Mia you should be proud of everything that you have achieved, a great mother, good friend, successful writer, very successful business woman. And you are a good person.
There will sadly always be knockers but it’s their problem not yours.
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I think you’re right, Mia, the negative responses are always the loudest and persistent. The anonymity of the internet can seriously be so damn vicious. Remember Tina Fey’s speech at the Golden Globes and calling out her haters? “If you ever start to feel too good about yourself, they have this thing called the Internet. You can find a lot of people there who don’t like you.” lol
There is a huge majority who enjoy reading your writing and admire your courage to be honest. It takes real courage to put yourself out there authentically, imperfections and all. You’ve done a lot to change the narrative that we speak about women, beauty, motherhood etc. Thank you!
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Mia, I’m just glad you’re honest enough to say you argued with someone who wasn’t related to you
You do a fabbo job at MM, so just keep on being you. Who the hell else would you want to be anyway?
PS I like you extra much because you bring Zoe Foster into my life twice weekly. You actually deserve an OAM for that, I think.
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Miss Mia, This is amazing timing. Just this last week I have been wondering how the hell you bear all the negativity. I am all for free speech and a lively debate, but sometimes when I see posts of peeps being sooo critical, I just think LOG OFF!! Vote with your typing fingers, but do not throw insults and criticism just to vent. You do an AMAZING job and are are one of the smartest women I know. Keep it up , rise above, and all those other silly platitudes! Dizz x
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Lucy, I really like those sparkly boots, but I don’t know how to wear them. I worry that ankle boots cut off my legs and render me a little bit ‘cankly’. With black skinny jeans, maybe? Oh. Oh god! First world problems!
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I’m so relieved and glad that you aren’t perfect Mia
I also admire you for not walking away from criticism which is sometimes ridiculously harsh. You provide a good example for being brave and putting yourself out there and then addressing the criticism and responding to it in your own way.
It’s important to do things in your own way … it’s the only real way to learn and grow and evolve as a person.
Take care Mia
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Thanks lovely Susan. Xxxxx
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You’re a good woman Mia Freedman. I love that you do this site and have done so much with your life. I don’t always agree with (gagging as I type those very clichéd words) but I love that you put it out there. Nice work lady.
OMM: what am I going to do with my life? Apart from, y’know, work and kids.
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Xxx
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OMM (and keeping me from sleeping at 1:30am) is tomorrow. The future of 9 people’s jobs and a $5m project will probably come down to my ability to convince our funding source that the formula they based things on is fundamentally flawed and that the whole thing needs to be reconsidered. Pressure! The worst part is that for the 9 people involved, it’s best if I keep my mouth shut. But for the business (which I don’t own or anything), it’s best if I push the point.
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So today at uni it was Prosh Day. Prosh Day refers to a University of Western Australia 81-year-old tradition where the uni publishes a satire newspaper and students dress up in costumes and distribute them all over Perth, all proceeds to charity. It’s a really fun day, and it was a chance for me to reflect on last year’s compared to this years…
Last year we had a pre-Prosh party at my friend’s place and I brought my then-boyfriend along. We were all asked to not drink much so that we would get into a taxi, but he drank 15 beers and smoked pot in her backyard. When we got to the city we got seperated from my friends and he shouted at me for being ‘selfish’ for wanting to meet up with them again and ‘can’t we just get this over with and go home’ then proceeded to tell me I’d ruined everything, dumped the papers on me and left me alone in the city. Nice guy. He’s in the habit of hurling abuse at me these days and if it happens once more I’m taking action with the university to keep him away from me. Asshole.
This year we went to the same friend’s place as last year and I brought my new boyfriend. We had music on and he danced with all my friends and, when I hurt my toe from dancing too wildly he helped me ice it then curled up with me until I fell asleep.
How things change
That was a bit long winded and maybe vomit-inducing, but I’m so happy that I got out of that old relationship. Gives me hope.
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well done you!!
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I bought a paper, love PROSH (even though I’m a Murdoch Alum
)
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Whoa is all I can say to the fight with a stranger, I was laughing all the way thru it. It was so true and funny. I was thinking oh the fight I had with a stranger like a week ago. And I was yelling at this lady (which I would never do) she just made me so mad and my kids were with me! It was childish but my sons only young had no idea why she told us off.
Don’t stop being you Mia! I try to read everyday if it’s a good one it goes to My friends we talk about the topic. It’s great! So many of my friends have joined up. We always have a good discussion! Thank you for always asking me feel just Normal or reading someone else has been thru something similar. It’s empowering and refreshing. Thank you!
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Hi Mia, while I don’t always agree with you 100% on everything (but how boring if we all agreed on everything!), I am dumbfounded about the huge amount of negativity you received about your weekend article. I thought it was very funny, honest and frankly, NORMAL!
It’s so easy for people to sit back and tut tut others, making themselves sound like saints, but I would like to meet ONE person in this world who has always behaved saintly in every situation. If anyone stepped forward, I reckon they’d be telling porkies.
And otherwise OMM, books and reading! I just read two great books, chick lit ones, my fave. They were The Hypnotists Love Story by Liane Moriarty which was brilliant and Sophie Kinsella’s latest called I’ve Got Your Number which was a good laugh.
Lastly, we are going to London in May and I am wondering how much stuff I can take on the plane to entertain and feed two small children!
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Had a shitty, tiring day at work. Was super excited about cooking a nice dinner to cheer myself up. Spent $40 at Coles on said dinner. Said dinner sucked ass. Made too much of shitty dinner and now I have to eat it for lunch tomorrow (as all my monies were spent on making it).
Blurrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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To jump off the ‘what the mix should be’ point below can I ask for more original Australian content? Like we see with ‘am I wasting my brain’ article (but please, please not just about motherhood). I know the defensive response to this is usually ‘but see here here and here!’ but it still feels like there is too much regurgitating going on, and not even direct regurgitating.
There are plenty of sites around the web, and in Australia, that regurgitate content well. To post as a lead too often from a site that itself is a patchwork of stories around the web (hello gawker media empire and daily mail, which pop up a lot) the exercise becomes redundant. MM can be more than a site that discusses stories that appeared on other sites that also discuss stories from other sites that appeared a few days ago in an original source somewhere.
I know not everyone reads widely around the web and sometimes it is worth reproducing a story, or it’s a web wide trending story or current issue, but nothing trumps original content. There are plenty of Australian writers who would love an opportunity to be published and I doubt they would ask much, if anything, for the exposure.
It would be great to see more feature articles and less cut and paste from around the globe. Recent weeks have been much better on this score please keep on going until cut and paste becomes a minor part of the post load.
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what’s on my mind? Wondering why it doesn’t count as a “rude” or personally attacking comment to tell a woman she is lying about being assaulted. (Perhaps the comments were missed, this can happen with increased traffic, in which case, please go and look at the freebirth post.)
I learned long ago to have a thick skin on the internet but am a bit tired of the double standards.
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Hey, Georgieandthree, which story was this??? I didn’t see it but would love to know.
Good on you for pointing it out, much appreciated. xxx
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Mia, whilst I read this site daily I have never really felt the need to add my opinion to those already expressed. Someone else has usually been able to express my feelings in some way or another. Today I want to let you know how much I appreciate your refreshing honesty. You don’t pretend to be perfect and through your posts/articles I am able to reflect upon my own experiences, behaviour and opinions. Having spoken to friends about this site, I know that many of us feel the same. Whilst you will be criticised for your honesty, I want you to know that there are many people out there who read this site and appreciate all that you do. We are probably the readers who do not regularly post comments but we are also your audience. Remember that the comments posted on this site do not always reflect the opinions of this audience. Please don’t change who you are or how you write. Thankyou for the laughs, the tears and the inspiration. Xxx
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Sometimes I feel like Mia is speaking my mind and other times I can’t relate but I ALWAYS love reading her point of view. I hope she doesn’t let negative commenters censor her writing because her openness about the way she experesses herself is what makes this site what it is and that’s why I love coming back here.
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Mia, Mia, can you PRETTY PLEASE tell me where you got the beautiful white shirt and red skirt. The shirt is EXACTLY what I am looking for and the skirt is divine.
I’m going back to work part time shortly after 10 months maternity leave and my wardrobe needs to be inspired!
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Here’s the skirt:
http://www.rag-bone.com/pd/p/1923.html
but Witchery I think have done a similar one?
And the shirt is from Bianca Spender.
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Thank you, thank you. You’ve made my (otherwise crappy and frustrating) day!
Love your work and this site!
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OMM – easter long weekend! looking forward to spending time with my family and gorgeous fiance. maybe getting some exercise in.. going to the footy monday night, go manly! tafe holidays from next week (will be stressing about whether i pass my assignment/test!). i also work fulltime, so will be good to come home and not have to do tafe work for two weeks.
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Just a quick word of thanks to the MM Contributors who recommended Kiva as an outlet for giving in the charity post yesterday. I feel like I’m doing something, even if it’s just a little something. Thanks!
xxx
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I have noticed that a lot of other blogs tend to use the products sent in to them by various brands as prizes. Perhaps you could do a haul of month compeition or such?
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If you are on our Facebook page you’ll see we have tons of give aways. Like us. It’s worth it
And just as an aside we do donate some products that come into the office to charities as well
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is it just me or do Kate Ellis and her advisor Jamila look like twins???!
i cannot get over the similiarities1
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So I’m into week 5 of a 6 week uni prac and I’m struggling to find a work/ home life balance. It’s puting great strain on my relationship with my fiancé in tired and cranky and just not dealing withit! I’m also having doubts about our relationship we have been together for 6 years and I feel things gave changed but he doesn’t. I feel we have become more friends and I don’t know what to do:(
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This week I am acutely aware of how stretched I am trying to juggle everything. My job is complex and nuanced and today I had a meeting with my boss that I’ve spent the day decoding and the only interpretation I can make is that it’s about to get even more complex. I just don’t know that I have it in me to do anything more. Arghhhh!!!!!!
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I really liked this open post, love seeing behind the scenes
don’t worry Mia, f*** the haters, we all love you!
OMM: I’ve had the worst 24 hours ever. Late last night my blood sugar shot down really low, like so low my meter didn’t read it. The last thing I remember was trying to disconnect my pump but my hands were shaking so hard and my vision was going so I couldn’t…then I woke up, drenched in a cold sweat, unable to move and surrounded by ambos – apparently I had this massive seizure, eyes were open, whole body was jerking….
so to cut a long story short I’ve spent all day in hospital feeling disgusting – low, high, everything in between, and my poor mum was there the whole time and could not sleep a wink. I feel so bad.
THAT is on my mind. I hate my pancreas and my body, it stops working at the worst times! It scared me to death, if I’d had an alcoholic drink or two before it, or even gone for a run, I could have died. eeek! i hate you diabetes, i hate you.
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Oh Georgie that’s horrible! So glad to hear you’re okay now. I have a cousin who feels the same way about her diabetes. You’re both doing an amazing job. Big hugs.
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thanks for the hugs and understanding lucy, I really appreciate it
it’s lovely being told you’re doing awesomely, instead of what you’re doing wrong. your cousin is very lucky! xx
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Georgiepie – thanks for reminding me that my problem week has not been a problem. Hope you’re ok.
xxx
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thanks mia
still a bit fragile but I’m getting there! xox
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Hey Georgiepie, how awful for you. I was so excited about your pump. Is this maybe an adjustment thing?
What a frightening experience for you to go through So glad you are ok but an awful, very scary event. I’ve had massive seizures, 10 brain seizures in a row and then in a coma, so know how you feel, it’s very scary and painful.
Thinking of you very much…xxxx
I hope you feel better soon and rest up.
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Mia – Love your columns, love the way you write, love that you have a go at yourself. I don’t think some people get it. They seem to take everything you say very seriously. BUT I love what you do keep it up.
Also my husband saw you speak at a conference recently and clicked about “that blog that I read” – he thought you were hugely smart and now also reads your columns!
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Oh and I wanted to say that I also seem to get into arguments with well dressed women in their 60s. I think they are particularly opinionated and can’t guarantee that I won’t be one of them one day…
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Mia,
I adore your columns. Personally, I think that some readers see your name and go, “Oh, here’s a chance to cut her down to size and feel great about it!”. A terrible case of tall poppy syndrome if you ask me. Keep writing them as they keep me thoroughly entertained!
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Mia, I really enjoy your columns and part of the reason I read everything you write religiously is because you don’t always paint yourself in the best light. I read the one on Sunday and I admit that I knew it was going to blow up but you know what, who cares? You have created such a wonderful website for women to engage with one another and you should be very proud!
If it wasn’t for this site I wouldn’t have met some fabulous people who I consider such good life long friends, so thank you x
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Thanks Rose. xxx
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Just wanted to give some feedback and don’t know if this is the place. Also a question. I would really like to know what your target demographic is. I enjoy reading posts on many subjects. The things that resonate with me are stories on mental health, education, disabilities such as autism, gay issues, dealing with people a la the fighting one from yesterday, food etc as well as lighter stuff like Zoe Foster and books to read. I have bought a few books after reading about them here. Although my views were not necessarily the same as those of Mia when I have read them, I appreciate the opportunity to stay in the loop and then find out for myself what all the fuss is about.
I am disappointed when I see ones like today about the abortion clinic because to me it is old news and I already know about it because I keep up with current affairs and this happens a bit too often.
What I really dislike though, are the number of stories that you do about women who are victims. I guess these resonate with plenty of people, usually those who are in a similar situation, and maybe you have some kind of educational agenda but these posts usually make me angry. I am not talking about tragic things such as the death of a child etc which happen to people. I am referring to the domestic violence, unhappy marriage to a manipulative man, being conned posts. Situations where people make poor choices consistently even if they eventually rise above it. I am not unsympathetic, these posts just bring me down as well as any that don’t reflect the Australia of today. Feminism has been around for a long time. The world has changed. We have no fault divorce, social security, birth control and legalised abortion and employment and educational opportunities abound. These women do not interest me.
I am interested in all sorts of other issues though particularly in relation to families, work /life balance, environmental issues, downshifting and the difficulties for families in the modern world where we think nothing of moving all over the country and the planet for work and other opportunities and the impact it has on the notion of family support etc.
I am glad this column exists and I particularly like reading posts from Rick.
Thanks.
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I found your comment very interesting. I like to read about all those things you mentioned (“families, work /life balance, environmental issues, downshifting and the difficulties for families in the modern world where we think nothing of moving all over the country and the planet for work and other opportunities and the impact it has on the notion of family support etc.”).
I wondered though if you meant that the articles on women who are victims of abuse, or in an unhappy marriage etc. “don’t reflect the Australia of today”? Clearly this is going on and in many more households than we might imagine. I understand if that is not of interest to you but I hope it is not of interest for interest’s sake rather than because you believe the stories written are about people who are not representative of what is happening in our country?
I am not trying to have a go I am actually curious….enough to ask!
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Hi Janie, happy to clarify, I wasn’t that clear. No, sadly I do know that those problems exist in the Australia of today. I just meant that in an Australia of another era, women were often trapped in terrible situations with no hope of escape such as during the depression and the war years when money or jobs or food were scarce. In those days, women were often regarded as second class citizens, without financial independence. Many women were desperate enough to risk their lives with backyard abortionists rather than have to find food for another mouth. There certainly weren’t shelters and supports in place. It was all before my time but I have heard enough about it to say that I would never judge another woman for doing whatever was necessary in those times for survival, such as staying with a man. Today it is different. Women who really want and need help can get it. I’m not suggesting that any of it is easy but women don’t have to be victims any more and I am just saying that I personally do not want to read about those who remain that way for whatever reason.
You still may not agree with me but thanks for your interest and for taking the time to ask about what I wrote.
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Thanks Daisy. I understand. I guess my view is that if one story gives even one woman the last push she needs to get out then it is important for the stories to keep coming.
Having said that I appreciate why you may not want to read about it, as I sometimes don’t feel I can face another story like those. Anyway, I am glad you replied. Thanks and have a great Easter.
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Hey Daisy,
Until you have been in a situation like an abusive relationship – emotionally or physically – it’s impossible to know what it’s like.
Many of us felt the same way as you – “but why don’t you just LEAVE?” – until it happened to us. It’s a complex thing to experience and undersatnd.
And if someone writes about an experience, it means it happened to them. It’s real for them. And that means it’s probably real for many other women too – and could help THEM.
Hope that clarifies the mix. Thanks for your comment. Found it really interesting.
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I used to work in family law so saw victims of DV all the time. As you say Mia its not as easy as people think to just leave. So I think these articles written by women who have been in those situations are fabulous- puts out the real picture to people who have no idea what its like (although I am frustrated that so many people can just say “leave” and judge those who stay for the many complex reasons), as well as gives some hop and hopefully ideas to those stuck in those relationships.
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I have only just seen this, for some reason didn’t receive an email notification. I understand what you are saying and I guess that I can just skip those articles! It seems that I have managed to annoy at least one person and no doubt more. I am still interested in your target demographic. I imagine it is slightly more specific than “women”. Thanks for the opportunity to have my say!
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I just read this and am quite angry. You state that “today it is different’ referring to womens shelters etc. And that “Women who really want and need help can get it.”
Maybe you’re very young or maybe you’re incredibly naive. But let me tell you the facts.
Despite one woman a week in Australia being killed by their male partner there is little if any support.
THe shelters are full and run on the most tiny amount of funding. There are only a few shelters and they’re all full.
If you are assaulted there is one phone line you can call and that’s pretty much it.
I really think before making the comments that you have, you really need to do more research and educate yourself better.
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This is in response to both your posts.
I understand that you are angry but i think you are being “quite judgemental” yourself.
For a start, I was giving some feedback on my personal preferences for reading, which I am entitled to do and didn’t ask anyone to agree with me.
Secondly, while you may not like my views, it doesn’t mean I am wrong. I certainly accept that I don’t know much about the shelter situation but as I have worked with many people in other underfunded areas, I can believe that it is sadly lacking.
While it is not necessary to tell you anything about myself, I will tell you this. I am not young, I am retired. I am educated, well read and actually very empathetic. In my working life, when I worked with families, colleagues in my team frequently told me that I could be relied upon not to judge when their personal values were clouding their work.
No, I am not perfect, you know, maybe I have empathy burnout but I can guarantee that I am not naive. Maybe you will have calmed down enough by the time you read this reply to be a little more circumspect.
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Daisy, of course making comments about what you want to read is fine. It’s the harsh and judgmental statements you have made about women in domestic violence or other disfunctional relationships.
Further you claim that it’s different now. But if you did have any knowledge or experience you’d well know that that is certainly not the case, far from it.
Women in dv relationships can more often than not, “not find help”. As I said the shelters are full, they run on a tiny amount of funding and there’s not many of them.
There is virtually no councelling for women experiencing domestic violence. The government provides a phone line – you ring it, they give you some advice, not much and that’s it.
Many women are arrested in NSW for defending themselves and, because there is hardly any legal support, they are pleading guilty! And there are many worse examples.
Further your comment “Situations where people make poor choices consistently even if they eventually rise above it” is quite judgmental of these women.
And again your comment “I would never judge another woman for doing whatever was necessary in those times for survival, such as staying with a man. Today it is different”.
Today is not different. It is a disgrace that there is so little help, support for women experiencing domestic violence and psychological abuse. And to blame and judge them is wrong.
Instead you and I and everyone should be focusing our criticism on the men who are doing the assaulting/abuse (referring to heterosexual relationships).
We have to put the blame on the perpetrators rather than criticising the women for “poor choices”, not leaving, etc.
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I found your post quite judgmental and unnecessarily so. And also very lacking in empathy.
“I am referring to the domestic violence, unhappy marriage to a manipulative man, being conned posts. Situations where people make poor choices consistently even if they eventually rise above it.”
You state that they “don’t represent the Australia of today” – on what basis do you state this?! How do you know?
Your comment “these women do not interest me” – well why on earth do you visit a womens website?!
Obviously these are issues affecting women. If you want a perfect world and perfect stories, you will need to go elsewhere most probably fiction site.
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For some reason, there is no reply button on your last comment so replying to this one instead. I stumbled upon some of your other comments while trying to find this one so have read a little about you. It seems that you have had your own tough times and maybe that is why you react so strongly to my views. Since you first wrote, I have seen the Women’s Weekly of this month that states the statistic you possibly referred to (can’t find it now). The feature story in the magazine angered me. Here is a victim who blames the system, she doesn’t even particularly blame the horrendous man who did all that to her. She also doesn’t seem to take much responsibility for her own actions or lack thereof. What chance for her poor, scarred for life children. That story made ME angry. So maybe I am judging, I am over the whole thing. Yes, some men are dreadful. Some women are stupid. A lot of people have worked hard to make this country better for women. People make choices. Some people make choices early on that allow things to get worse. Some people have no choice for various reasons and I get that, but that is not the majority of women in these situations. There are a zillion women who aren’t victims of dv because they would never tolerate such a thing more than once. There are millions of women who aren’t victims and don’t care to be lumped in the same group as those who are. I don’t think you understand what I have been saying about how different the options are for women than 50, 60 years ago. I actually think YOU have no idea. Yes, now, I am being judgemental and lacking in empathy but that is because I am judging you.
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“Some women are stupid”. Yes I absolutely agree with you on that one. I was incredibly stupid, being with that sociopath, letting him manipulate me and then nearly kill me. God it destroyed my entire life.
But to cut myself a little slack it mostly had a lot to do with my childhood. There is so much research about women who have experienced abuse and it largely can be attributed to the way they were brought up.
Women who grow up in a disfunctional (doesn’t necessarily need to be violent) family learn that that is normal. They don’t learn about boundaries. So they tolerate abuse that women who have had healthy childhoods would never tolerate.
Yes I have experienced very severe domestic violence, he only attacked me twice but the latter was a murder attempt. But what this taught me and shocked me was how little services, support there are for women in abusive relationships. Amazingly little – it’s appalling. It’s actually frightening.
And what else I very sadly learnt is how incredibly judgmental and ignorant people are. The first thing we as a sociaety do is blame the woman – “why didn’t she leave?!”; “Why did she put up with it?!”. This is a massive problem in society.
AS I said before we have to take the blame off the victims and put it completey into the perpetrators. “How could they hurt a woman?!” How could they harm a woman?!”
We need to get angry and shocked at domestic violence and stop blaming the victims.
Thanks for your feedback, I appreciate it. I need to have a more open mind.
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Hi, thanks for replying. I am sorry for your situation and wish you all the best. I am sure that we can both learn from each other even if we never completely agree.
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My friend was on YTT! Michelle Boulos – she sang mama knows best by jesse j
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I found myself nodding all the way through your column on Sunday, Mia, so it boggles my mind that people were rude to you about it. Perhaps it shouldn’t boggle considering how the internet has become the ultimate mud-slinging fest.
I get depressed when the kids at school mock me (and I KNOW they do…you just know…) so I can’t imagine dealing with that on a massive scale. Thing is, the haters would probably never ever be so rude to you in person.
On my mind….two teenage students bursting into tears on two separate occasions today and hoping I dealt effectively with their sadness. Both had some pretty big issues to deal with. And later in the day, year 8 were off the chain and, being the end of term and we’re all tired, I just lost it. Not happy with myself for yelling at them but I’m just mental with fatigue.
Well, tomorrow is another day and I’m sure they’ve all forgotten how appaling their behaviour was while I sit here stewing about it and wishing I’d handed it better. Time for some chammomile tea, I think.
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Oh Kathy, I hear you! My year 8s were nuts today too-and they’re usually so well behaved. Everyone’s ready for holidays…
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Oh thank goodness someone else gets it! Thank you Girl…..I had a miserable period 4, I was even sarcastic – I hate that!
I see them tomorrow period 1 and will try and build some bridges before the holidays.
Hope your break is restful xx
Thanks for the support
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Wish people would cease being so critical of others…honestly get a life.
Mia, please keep up the great work and don’t let those drag you down. What ever happened to if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all?
A beautiful friend once said that they key to happiness is to not always compare yourself to others, be grateful for what you do have and be happy being yourself.
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Amazed at the amount of crap Mia has to deal with. Unfortunately there will always be those kinds of people around.
OMM: life is good. Need to focus more on being in the present though, and not always planning for the future, regretting the past.
Oh and Anthony Warlow was in my work today. I was star struck but only inwardly. Win!!
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First World Problem:
Any suggestions of where to buy a little black cardigan – which are in stock / online now? I dont have one, and with my limited budget, have decided it is my must have item!
Suggestions greatly appreciated
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I get all my cardigans from SES, only about $5 and not great quality but good enough for me & my tight budget
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Country Road cardigans are good, a little pricey but they often have sales if you sign up as a member. Otherwise maybe Just Jeans or Jeanswest for reasonable quality at a lower price point.
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http://www.woolovers.com
The best!
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Cathy I get mine from Cotton On – they are about $30 and they are nice and short. I hate it when cardigans go all the way down over my bum, the Cotton on ones finish at the hip!
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Was just about to say Cotton On. They have a variety of colours too.
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Agreed. I have about 6 Cotton On cardies.
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Rivers! Both in store and online! Their stuff is usually pretty good quality, my husband lives in their shirts, and their sale prices are unreal!
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Try Birdsnest: http://www.birdsnest.com.au/womens/tops/cardigans/black-cardigans – great little online store, service is awesome and good range of prices.
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Mia, LOVE your outfit on the Today set. Red skirt… gorgeous! Also wanted to say good for you, keep standing up for yourself. I read your post on your flight fight (sorry, couldn’t help it) and most of the first page of comments and couldn’t believe people making such a issue of it all. I enjoyed the post and would potentially have reacted similarly. Ooops! Yes, I too am human…
I like this site and I enjoy reading posts because they’re usually different or refreshing takes on various topics. Sometimes they’re fluffy and sometimes serious reports from the writer’s point of view. While I think it’s fine to respond with your own point of view as a commenter, I wish folks would remember that we live in a democracy and your point of view is just as valid as anyone else’s. Come on commenters… don’t take yourself so seriously!
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THanks x
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Took every ounce of my being not to stop at Wittner today and try on those exact sparkly boots!! I am moving to London next week and am making myself wait until I arrive before I make any purchases. Haven’t bought anything in months. Killing. Me.
OMM (still!!) – I am moving to London next week, yes that is correct. Next week!!! Terrified, excited, nervous; the emotions are bursting out of me! I am writing a blog about the move, which has been amazingly therapeutic, but also very strange to think I am sharing my innermost thoughts with the world. Have also never shared my writing with people before so it has been really nice to hear people’s comments and compliments. If you’re interested, here it is: http://fromsydneytolondon.wordpress.com/
Side note: Saw 21 Jump Street today – very funny, but seeing a movie with Channing Tatum that isn’t a rom com is very strange.
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Are you sure you don’t need the boots?!
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I loved this week’s gallery, thanks for sharing. The star sunnies are great.
OMM: I want to get into a good routine with sleep, cooking and exercise. Since I am doing shift work it is hard to find some consistency. Does anyone have any tips?
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I work shift work and I find I have to make my rountines smaller. Instead of a weekly routine (Monday Yoga, Tuesday swim etc) just make it a day to day thing. Like, if you work a morning shift, plan to do your shopping after, exercise before an afternoon. Work out whats works best and be willing to be flexible and plan ahead.
hope that helps. xo
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Thanks Nursee,
Very helpful. I’m working on achieving the balance X
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Mia, I’m so jealous you got to take your daughter to the set of YTT… my 4 year old is desparate to go, but the website says children must be 8+… so I didn’t want to bring her all the way from Melbourne and then get rejected
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Apparently kids are meant to be 12+ technically! But many in the audience weren’t….
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On my mind- I miscarried today. I know that it obviously wasn’t meant to be, but it’s still so hard
i had a scan this morning and saw its little heart beating away, and less than an hour later, my little tiny 7week bubba had grown mini-wings 
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Hugs at this tough time. X
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Oh Libby….no words I say will make you feel better but from someone who has been there so many times my heart breaks for you….love, hugs & healing to you xx
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Hey LIbby – I’m so sorry. Gosh it’s hard….:(
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From the moment you are pregnant, you are a Mumma – losing a baby at any stage in a pregnancy is devastating. Hope you are surrounded by people who will love and take care of you.
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I’m so sorry to hear that. I’ve been there, and it’s not an easy thing to go through. Take care..
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I saw the picture of the group in the bar and my first thought was ‘I know that bar. I’ve been kicked out of that bar.’
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Having the most brilliant, relaxing week at home & easter weekend is still to come. Yay for uni study break weeks! Best thing is I have found a way to possibly move back to my hometown next year, hopefully the uni will agree with me. Living by myself 10 hours drive from friends and family is just too difficult (i am 20 yrs old btw) although I’m grateful for the independence lessons
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I thought your post on the plane was great – I could see myself doing the exact same thing (rightly or wrongly). You are honest and it makes you human – please don’t change your style.
Also, love seeing what people wear in the office. My office is pretty boring so it livens up my office week a little and provides a bit of inspiration!
OMM: the weekend – seeing friends and loving life. I’m excited!
PS. Love the Shieke skirt.
PPS. Love Georgie and Lisa.
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I love Georgie and Lisa too. They are class acts. And I’m the second person in the office to buy that Sheike skirt. I’m a bit fond of that place. I wish there was one near me…..
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I remember Georgie from school! She was a few years ahead of me – head girl? – and always seemed so sunshiney. She’s in the perfect job, I think. Ask her if she remembers her ‘Snilda’s’ days! (She won’t remember me – I was a lowly year eight I think).
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Hi Mia I LOVED your column in Sundays paper. It reminded me of what I love about your writing!!! When I was reading it I was actually think wow Mia will have a good week surely no one will have a problem with this column. Fool that I am!!! I couldnt believe the number of negative comments!!
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On Fridays, Lana always asks me “what is your column about this weekend?” and I always warn her if it’s going to be a fiesty one so she can fasten seatbelts.
This week I said “Nothing to worry about – it’s tame”
Ha.
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Mia, that photo of you with your son is the most beautiful photo of you I have ever seen. It is breathtaking.
OMM right now is that I have just spent about 30 mins with a student who was experiencing difficulties and came to me in tears. I sorted out special consideration with her, calmed her down and she left me OK, but sometimes I wish I could do more.
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Thanks MissT – Lana took it – and we used Instagram! You sound like such a lovely teacher……
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Oh thank you! I am going to take that compliment even though I’m not a teacher, I’m just a lowly admin person at a university
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You sound like a lovely lowly admin person!
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Gigglesnort. Thank you.
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I’d like to think that I’m old enough and wise enough to still like someone (or something) without necessarily agreeing with everything that they say or do.That’s how I feel about “that topic” and this site.
Let’s put it behind us and enjoy the sunshine and the chocolate to come!
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Don’t have to agree with everything!! I think it’s about HOW people disagree, not that they do
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I have reached that point in life! I had a disagreement with a friend about our partners, and we sorta stopped talking. I’m over it, but when we “conversed” on fb, I don’t think she is completely. I’ve had many disagreements over the years but I have now reached the point where I’m just like, *shrugs* ah well, let’s move on! and hold no grudges.
I hate it how you can fight and fight with family but you forgive them because they’re “blood” but when it’s a friend, once you fight, most of the time, that’s it! I don’t think that is right!
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Yeah Deb, totally agree. The comments I always find most perplexing are the ones who berate me for not apologising for what I’ve written just because some people disagree with it.
Live and let live… x
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