'Last week proved there's no hate like the hate reserved for mums on the internet.'

Listen to this story being read by Laura Jackel, here.

Over the last couple of weeks, I have covered two parenting stories that have got women talking. 

There was the article about two-year-old TikTok 'star' Wren Eleanor and mum Jacquelyn, and how her fame led to parents deleting photos of their kids. Then there was the 'peach test' story about the illustrator and mum Mary Catherine Starr, whose comic about parenting double standards went viral.

As I typed the articles and read the online comments, I felt a deep sense of discomfort about mum-shaming.

You may not agree with either of the women, but at the heart of these two stories are real-life mums who love their kids. Neither of them broke the law or hurt anyone.

Watch: Laura Byrne on being a 'good mum'. Post continues below.

They ended up, however, like many other mothers the internet disagrees with: at the bottom of a pile on. Both received abusive messages and were globally shamed for their choices and opinions.

The stories made me feel uncomfortable because aside from seeing the obvious distress of both women, they made me examine my parenting decisions and opinions. 

I share occasional photos of my kids on social media, does this make me a bad mother? 

I also complain about double standards and the drudgery of domesticity (although not through illustrations because I can't draw); does this make me a miserable martyr AND a bad mother?

In Eleanor's case, there was outrage directed at her because men left disgusting comments on certain clips of two-year-old Wren. TikToks of Wren in her swimmers and eating a corn dog at a fair were being saved hundreds of thousands of times, and concerned TikTok 'sleuths' were noticing all of this and then sharing their findings with the world. 

While I am unsure if the disgusting men who made the comments had outrage directed at them, Wren's mum certainly did. 

In Eleanor's official statement, she said that her intention in making the clips with Wren was 'fun' and they only take about two hours each week. They also bring in an income that she plans to use for her daughter's future. 

While I completely understand people feeling horrified that faceless men are making vile remarks on videos of innocent children, I felt uncomfortable about the attention and abuse that Eleanor was receiving. 

Her daughter's cherubic face became the face of a global moral panic, and she, not the vile predators, was the 'immoral' mum at its heart. 

In Starr's case, her 'peach test' illustration, originally shared to her dedicated community of mums on Instagram, was taken out of context and shared on Twitter. 

Twitter users speculated on how someone could complain so much about their husband which somehow turned into abuse. It forced Starr to make a statement, calling for the trolling and even death threats, to stop. 

Her 'crime', according to Twitter, was disagreeing with her husband over what to do with the last peach in a fruit bowl and being brutally honest about married life as a mum. 

But if you haven't been married for over a decade with two little kids, then do you really understand the complexity of her situation enough to make judgement?

Again - while I don't agree with everything Starr has created (I would likely eat the damn peach) I certainly wouldn't be sending her abusive messages to tell her so.

When mothers shame other mothers, is it just about the fact they are so caught up in their own guilt-ridden bubbles they want a scapegoat to lash out at, thus proving themselves to be morally superior? 

In order to win that elusive 'good mum' trophy?

We know that in our culture of shame, particularly online, women have a much harder time than men. 

If a celebrity dad does something standard like take their own toddler for a walk, or make a kids' birthday cake - cue the headlines and the swooning comments. 

Conversely, if a celebrity mum is pictured holding her baby or even her bump (hello Meghan Markle) 'incorrectly', the online comments descend into collective outrage that she is a 'bad mother'.

Hilary Duff is one such celebrity mum who has spoken about being shamed online, after she shared a photo of her son Luca in a face mask while he was 'asleep' in the car.

"Like, first of all, he's [almost] 9. The days of him sleeping in the car are long gone," Duff said in an interview with The Unwind.

"I don't comment on other people's posts like that, so I don't understand, but I guess it's just a need for attention or whatever."

 "At first, I want to be defensive, but when I zoom out, I'm like, 'It's one person. That's not how everybody feels. That doesn't really matter. That person's, like, a keyboard gangster who just needs to be heard or seen.'"

In a week that saw five women murdered at the hands of men and notorious misogynist Andrew Tate banned from most social media platforms for the sexist content he continues to share about women, why is there still so much vitriol reserved for mothers online doing things we don't agree with?

And how do we handle the shaming, when it's directed at us?

Parenting coach Mel Burgess of Love Parenting says we are all mothering in a hotbed of unrealistic mixed messages, and that mums shaming other mums says more about them, than you.

"The other mum comparing or judging you is most likely due to her being in an extra hard time of wading through her own internalised unrealistic expectations of what a 'good' mum is, and floundering with stripping that back to a version for herself that is even humanly possible," Burgess tells Mamamia.

"Stressed folk over-position themselves against what they don't value when trying to work out what they do value. It's a thing. Maybe that's where she is at and you got caught up in her working out her stuff."  

Burgess says one way of dealing with it is to get clear on your own parenting values so you know where you stand. 

"Knowing which values we are orienting ourselves towards makes it so much easier to unashamedly decision-make our way through our days/weeks/months/years and tune out the noise about what we as mums 'should' be doing, achieving or martyring ourselves for."

Finally, she says that there are as many ways to mum as there are mums in the world, and that it is better to accept our differences without comparison or judgement.

"You do you and let them do them. I'm yet to meet a parent who doesn't love their kids and want them to grow up loved and safe. We don't all need to go about that in the same way. If something another parent is doing concerns you, then make it your default consider that you probably do not know enough of their backstory or value-set for it make sense. 

"Talking about them with a raised eyebrow to another parent is not nearly as useful as checking in with them about how they are and what they need next to keep going."  

And she's so right - talking about someone whether to a friend in person, or online is not the same as listening and talking to them. 

We need to make more space for the nuance, the conversation and the listening, before we disagree and leap straight to the shame and moral panic. 

I can say with absolute certainty that I am not a perfect parent and while I might not make the same decisions as Starr, Eleanor or you - I choose to believe we are all doing our best. 

To find free resources from Love Parenting, visit the website.

Laura Jackel is Mamamia's Family Writer. For links to her articles and to see photos (mostly of her outfits), follow her on Instagram  and TikTok.

Feature Image: TikTok; Instagram.

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