By BERN MORLEY
90 seconds. That’s all the time it takes for your child to be abducted.
Now before you think you’ve prepared your child for the kind of situation where they might be coerced into leaving with a stranger, you need to watch this video. To say it is chilling, is an understatement:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAG55UKiyGs
This experiment, conducted in a public park in the UK, is a terrifying example of how easy it is for a child to be tricked and subsequently taken away by a complete stranger.
Even in such an openly public space, the children involved didn’t even question the man they’d never met before. Quite simply they went with their first instinct, which was to help.
When we were younger we were always told to ‘never get into a car with a stranger’ or to ‘take lollies from someone that we didn’t know’.
As a result, I can guarantee nearly every child of the 80s was programmed to scream and run a mile if a man in a van pulled upside them cradling a handful of jellybeans.
Not once would it have crossed our parents mind to tell us to watch out for what appeared to be friendly people asking for help.
So as parents, are we preparing our children to be cautious enough? Especially now that we know potential predators are getting not only smarter in their approach, but also sneakier.
It’s a fine line. We certainly don’t want children to be fearful of every new person they meet but we do need to teach them that some people can and will do them harm.
More importantly, we need to instil in them the knowledge and techniques they need to identify these kind of evil people.
Two years ago, Mamamia’s Kate Hunter spoke with Bruce Mordombe, whose son Daniel was abducted and murdered in 2003. He has dedicated his life to helping kids stay safe and shared the following five tips.
1. When you can, stay with a friend. Even if you have a fight with your mate, don’t go off alone.
2. Be observant. Notice who’s around you and what they’re doing.
3. Have a family password. Something like your favourite food – lasagne, for example. If a person says they are meant to pick you up, test them on the password.
4. With your parents, make a list of 5 adults you trust. If you ever feel uneasy about anybody or anything, tell one of these people and know you won’t get into trouble. If you feel you’re not being listened to, try someone else.
5. Don’t share information about yourself, like your hobbies or the name of your school with people you don’t know, online or in real life.
You can go here to read more about Bruce Morcombe.
What do you teach your children about stranger danger?
Top Comments
As a victim of child abuse from a stranger and as an expectant mother do worry how to tackle this issue as it scares me silly!
I was overseas in a hotel complex, my parents on the verandah watching my brother and I play from the level above. I was nine at the time and tricked into "helping" a man who worked there who had dropped some items. It was so quick and silent that no one had noticed right away, he grabbed me so fast and dragged me away and locked me inside his room. 15 or so minutes later he let me go. I was so young I didn't even know what it was called that was done to me, all I knew is that it was very wrong. I could only tell my parents that I was kissed but they knew better by my body language. I changed that day for the rest of my life.
My parents noticed me gone very quickly and notified the hotel/police, etc. and were on a huge search but with so many rooms and such a short time frame it couldn't be stopped. I used to blame myself for being so gullible but really I was just trying to be a kind person as I was brought up to be. I've never blamed my parents, they were watching and it was such a fast, premeditated attack.
Even though I was always taught to be careful of strangers and I was a VERY cautious child I was tricked so easily. I would think the majority of kids would help someone in that situation.
In hindsight I feel that kids should be taught not necessarily to suspect every adult they meet, but yes, be cautious. An adult can easily fix a situation without a child's help. Or if someone does ask for help, go get an adult instead. It didn't even occur to me to go get help, I just rushed over trying to be nice.
Unfortunately this is never clear cut and my attack is not the most common form of child abuse (was a stranger, not a known person to the child). But I feel we shouldn't teach kids to be scared of the unknown, just more vigilant and as stated before when any questions/help needed by a stranger are needed, get a known adult involved. And if the abuse is from someone they know, to have a trusted person they can talk to about anything.
I will do my best to teach my daughter currently incubating to be aware of the dangers out there but to not live her life in fear (there is enough of that out there) however I do get scared that I may push one more than the other (be careful but make sure you live your life). Will just have to be something we tackle as a family when she gets older. Being more educated on the matter and opening ourselves up to communicating about anything (even very uncomfortable subjects) I feel is the way to go :)
The abuse did change me and has changed my life, however it no longer haunts me or affects me very much. I still don't really feel comfortable talking about it, but I suppose that is natural.
Luckily my parents got me the psychological help I needed very early and without that and their support I don't know how kids could get through it.
Sorry for the rant! And people may disagree but I'm speaking from my individual point of view as a victim herself. Thank you for reading :)
Articles like this make me cross. Look at the stats. Girls are more at risk from step fathers, uncles and grandfathers than strangers! Please don't teach our kids to be even more uncommunicative. Teach them to trust their instincts and to tell you when someone does something that doesn't feel right. And believe them when they tell you!