It is my prediction that 90 percent of men’s stomachs will react to the idea of period sex like they were going through horrible turbulence after eating airplane food. My recommendation is to ask your boyfriend what he feels. If he is up for the idea, tell that pervert to go jump in a lake, preferably one filled with blood.
Right then. Predictably, Tracey gives a more considered response.
Today’s question:
“I’ve been married for 29 years and am 49 with three children all grown up. During my periods my husband still demands sex. They only last two to three days but are extremely heavy due to me being pre-menopausal. This causes friction between us as he has a high sex drive. I don’t feel great during this time and just want to rest my body. He tells me I am selfish. He thinks that other sexual duties should happen which I agree with however I feel drained by my situation. We have an excellent sex life other wise.”
Tracey Cox says:
“Emails like yours astonish and worry me. They astonish me because I find it hard to accept there are still marriages functioning under archaic rules like this, even though I know there are plenty. I worry because I wonder what else you have been putting up with. Do you feel you have any rights at all in this relationship or is he the boss in everything, including sex?
You’re daring to ask to be excluded from any sort of sexual activity for a mere two or three days a month? Dear God, men everywhere are throwing their hands up in exasperation, wishing their wives would even do the opposite: grant them sex more than two or three times a month! It is totally normal and acceptable for you to want to abstain from sex for those few days, especially if your periods are heavy and you don’t feel great.
Quite frankly, it’s perfectly normal and acceptable to also say you’re not interested in sex for other reasons too. You’re not a prostitute or a sex machine, you are his wife! A human being with needs and feelings of her own. So what if he has a high sex drive! Has he ever heard of masturbation and satisfying himself during these times? Or actually just channeling the need for sex into something else, like going for a run or perhaps reading a nice book about feminism? I’m sorry to be sarcastic but you’re not the one being selfish, he is. His demands smack of chauvinistic sexism and him treating you as his possession.
Again, I’m sorry if I am not being more sympathetic to his cause, but I am 100% on your side here and furious at him for making you doubt what is a reasonable request. I realise that after being married for 29 years he’s going to get a bit of a shock for you standing up for yourself but I’d strongly suggest you do. If you’ve stayed married to him out of love – which I’m guessing you have, if you say your sex life is ‘excellent’ otherwise – it’s time for a little chat. One that brings him into the 21st century and not stuck in the dark ages.”
Tracey Cox is an internationally recognised sex, body language and relationships expert as well as a TV presenter. She’s appeared on Oprah, CNN and The Today Show in the US, as well as numerous prime-time chat shows in the UK and world-wide. Her first book, Hot Sex: How to Do It, was an instant worldwide success and is now available in 140 countries. Her other book titles include Hot Sex, supersex, superflirt, Hot Relationships andsuperhotsex. She also has her own range of Tracey Cox Supersex Toys and Lubricants.Follow Tracey on Twitter @TraceyCox or on Facebook here. Her website is at www.traceycox.com and you can buy her books here. Tracey also blogs weekly here
Top Comments
Thank God for this post! My soon to be ex-boyfriend asks for sex on my period. When I mention that I'm not comfortable or don't want to he suggests anal sex or blow job or other sexual acts....and of course gets upset or angry if I don't. I am not into period sex or anal sex. I think it's downright disrespectful to demand sex or get upset if someone is not into it. When I'm not on my period we have great sex. On my period I feel gross, emotional and just want to be loved in other ways. I usually end of feel useless and horrible and unlovable because all I get is a pissed off angry person because he didn't get his way. No one should feel bad for not being in the mood for sex, period or no period. If you're with someone who is not into period/anal sex then you should be mature enough to respect their feelings and decision and love them in other ways. Connect with them on another level. Some men are just disgusting and insensitive.
This article seems one sided to me. Should a man "demand" sex? No, not at any time of the month. And neither should the woman. But a good relationship is all about communicating and finding good compromises. Sometimes if person A wants sex and B doesn't, regardless of the reason, person A will have to do without it. At the same time, person B should also be not just willing but excited to have sex once in awhile even when not in the mood as a way of showing how much he/she loves person A. Compromises need to work both ways.