The Mamamia Sealed Section launched last week and it’s still buzzing. Quite literally. You can check out our first post here
It’s clear that the sex chat is something that women like to do (and like to have at their disposal). And what better forum than on the internet with a trusted expert – enter Tracey Cox. Tracey is an internationally recognised sex, body language and relationships expert as well as a TV presenter and author and she’s answering the questions that we can’t really ask anywhere else.
Today’s Question:
“I have been seeing a bloke for a couple of months now and from the second date he has been quite pushy for sex. I slept with him on date four, as it felt right to. He was very good at oral sex and said he was enjoying it, we tried quite a few positions and both had a good time (even though I didn’t orgasm!).
As he was about to come, he withdrew and asked if he could ejaculate on my face. I said yes and he jumped up on the bed, took the condom off, stood over me and did it. His manner slightly surprised me, no one has ever done that to me before. He said he found it fun! I have had mixed response from friends, some say its degrading, others think it’s fine.
I am not too bothered, just didn’t see it coming! I wonder why he didn’t want to come inside me and whether he just views me as a sex object. (I was wearing a corset and stockings etc). What is your perspective on this?”
Tracey Cox says
“Wow! There are a lot of mixed signals in there so my response is layered also. You’re obviously quite adventurous sexually to have pulled on stockings and a corset for the first sex session with your new man. Nothing wrong with that, it’s just interesting that you went for that look for the very first time you did it. Most of us pull on sexy underwear but a corset, stockings (and I’m guessing suspenders) first time around, sends a very clear message that you’re up for sex that pushes the boundaries. This is perhaps why he felt safe enough to suggest ejaculating on your face. This is NOT to say that you’ve done anything wrong or behaved in a ‘slutty’ fashion (I don’t even believe in the word). I actually applaud your gutsiness and embracing of the whole thing. I’m just trying to make sense of why he’d suggest doing that the very first time you have sex.
‘Pearl necklaces’ – ejaculating so his semen forms a ‘necklace’ around your neck – or ejaculating elsewhere on the body or face is something lots of couples try. It’s a bit naughty because it is degrading and that’s all part of the turn on. I don’t see anything wrong with doing it now and then at all. What I do find interesting – at the risk of repeating a point – is that he choose to do it the first time you had sex and you let him. By doing this, you set a precedent: sex between the two of you is going to be ‘naughty’. Again, nothing wrong with it, except perhaps that it’s lacking any type of tenderness.
The first time between people who care about each other is about intimacy and connection and trust and – dare I say –fanning the flames of the first flickers of love. It’s a special moment. There seems to have been lots of lust but little of the love part in this encounter. I don’t know if that bothers you or not. I guess it depends on what you want long term.”
Tracey Cox is an internationally recognised sex, body language and relationships expert as well as a TV presenter. She’s appeared on Oprah, CNN and The Today Show in the US, as well as numerous prime-time chat shows in the UK and world-wide. Her first book, Hot Sex: How to Do It, was an instant worldwide success and is now available in 140 countries. Her other book titles include Hot Sex, supersex, superflirt, Hot Relationships and superhotsex. She also has her own range of Tracey Cox Supersex Toys and Lubricants.
Follow Tracey on Twitter @TraceyCox or on Facebook here. Her website is at www.traceycox.com and you can buy her books here. Tracey also blogs weekly here
Comments
186 Comments so far
Just as some people like red and others like white, why not try something different sexually.
I agree it is a strange request (as a guy I can only imagine he got more satisfaction between his ears than downstairs) but if she was happy to agree, good luck to them both.
If their relationship is a short or long term thing, both parties are happy.
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This just goes to prove to men to leave females alone. Irrespective of what a man might do it will always be criticised by females. Even if she says yes, she will still whinge about you – albeit not to your face. Even approaching a female to talk to her can induce horror. Noting that the only thing a female can offer a man is a 75% chance she will ruin his life, why bother with them at all? We certainly don’t need females. A Man needs a female like a fish needs a lobotomy.
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Lol Germaine is that you?
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Haysoos, I noticed that you refer to yourself as a “man” but us as “females” instead of “women”, something I’ve noted that a lot of bitter men do. I’m sorry you’ve had such bad experiences and feel so victimised.
A lot of women (myself included) have been treated very badly by men over the yea s, but I choose not to tar every man with the same brush.
I hope one day you can try that too.
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After reading the previous stream of comments, I can’t say it will ever float my boat, tinny or thimble. I find it degrading.
I’ve had the occasion to experience a few facials with a porn obsessed ex-bf. He insisted I wax, try anal and enjoy facials as normal women obviously did, and if I didn’t, what was wrong with me?
I’ll stick to my bottled moisturiser, thanks.
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‘Insisted’ you try it? Good thing he is now your ex.
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Not for me. (Almost) anywhere but the face. I do find it degrading (not that he’s ever tried it, we’re agreed on this one). To me (clearly I can only speak to my feelings on the matter, I know others will disagree) it’s just very ‘porn’. Like following a script they’ve seen online somewhere. I literally shudder at the thought. I can’t think of a single sexy thing about letting someone come on my face.
But he asked first, and you said yes. So if you’re ok with it though, it shouldn’t matter what your friends think.
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I think it is great to have this sealed section for information and advice.A place where people can maybe learn and help one another.It is especially good for those who may have no one to discuss these matters with.Or they may be too embarrassed to ask their doctor about certain things.
Im just a bit sad that some are coming down on (pardon the pun) some peoples comments.Everyone is different and we need to respect that.
Lets keep this a place where we can share and not criticise one another.
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Firstly I think it’s great to hear everyone else’s comments – its very insightful. But can I say one thing; stop analysing now!!! I think a lot of people have forgotten that sex is a moment – a moment of raw passion and instinct. When hormones and pharomones fly there is no stopping anything. How a person acts or behaves during sex should not be held against them for that person is climaxing to the point of no return – rational thinking and considering ones actions and the others feelings is not possible. Regardless of what anyone says I belive this to be true. Perhaps for women but definitely not for our male counterparts. Sometimes, I think we as women are way too hard on men giving them boundaries and shaping their actions to suit us and our needs. Sex should be shared equally by two people and both the man and women should feel the freedom to express themselves. I personally allow my partner to cum on my face – and I’ll admit at first I felt similar emotions to what other women have noted but then came to a greater realisation that it is just a man’s way of showing himself to the woman. By doing this he is asking for the woman to accept him in his moment of passion – believe it or not, it can actually bring the two people together. I have been with my partner for a while now and by allowing him to express himself in the way he wishes has created a strong mutual respect for one anothers needs. And it goes two ways – he also allows me to choose my way of expression also. Communication is essential if you are both to understand each other.
I should also mention that there are unfortunately those few men who give other men a bad rap – and women need to be aware but also you common sense to determine his intentions. Get to know eachother first before hitting the sack!
So ladies, don’t waste your energy worrying and decoding on his actions – sometimes moments like these just need to be taken at the time as they are – so loosen up a little and just concentrate on having a good time.
Peace xoxo
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On my tits yes but not on my face.
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At the end of the day, sex is sex. As long as no one is being forced or taken advantage of, who cares what others do? The eduction is there now for everyone ins regard to STDs. Everyone is on their own when it comes down to making sure they remain protected.
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It seems to me that men are (generally speaking) very proud of their dicks; they think it’s the greatest thing evvveeerrr.
The men who like to ejaculate on a woman’s face are (generally speaking) the men who admire their own dicks the most.
They straddle the woman with one knee on either side of her hips and “pump” because they feel that way they are showing their ultra marvellous, fantastic dick off at its best.
“Look at my dick isn’t it the bestest in the whole world….look how far I can shoot my ejaculation”
After all if it’s buried deep in her throat or her vagina their partner can’t see it and admire it in all its purple veined, rampant glory.
In my humble opinion the whole ejaculate on a woman’s face has got stuff all to do with porn and everything to do with a male’s ego.
As a woman what can you do except smile at their circus tricks.
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Funny, it is usually the woman doing the ‘look at me’ routine in the bedroom with the whole lingerie / seduction routine, where does that leave your argument?
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Funny, it is usually the woman doing the ‘look at me’ routine in the bedroom with the whole lingerie / seduction routine, where does that leave your argument?
How did you miss this…
In my humble opinion
I was talking about my own personal experiences. I have never gone down the ‘look at me’ routine in the bedroom with the whole lingerie / seduction routine, so that maybe explains it. Not all women do the seduction routine…they don’t have to go out of their way to entice the man…he comes running regardless.
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well, I would suggest a lot lot more women do it than men who do the ‘Look at my dick isn’t it the bestest in the whole world’ routine. You sound like you have some major man issues going on.
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You sound like you have some major man issues going on.
I sure don’t. I’ve been happily married for 24 years. I like sex and I’ve always (since the age of 17) been a very sexual person.
I just get sick of people blaming porn on everything. People wanting anal sex…it’s all because of porn; men wanting to ejaculate on their partner…it’s all because of porn; women wanting a hairless crotch…it’s all because of porn.
Give me a break, men (and women) have been wanting to do those sorts of things since the beginning of time. I may have only been married for 24 years but I got married quite late in life and I’ve been very sexually active for 39 years…way before porn was so prevalent in society.
People need to starting looking outside the box for a change. So yeah I believe (and it’s been my experience) that men like to ejaculate onto women because they like that symbol of manhood…they like to have the opportunity to admire their own dicks as they are doing so.
For you to state that I can only have that opinion because I have “men issues” is short sighted at the very least.
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re read your language in your original post, then tell me you dont have man issues.
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re read your language in your original post, then tell me you dont have man issues.
Why? just because I stated the bleeding obvious that men love their dicks and want to show them off whenever possible?
I surpose you prefer the popular opinion expressed in the comments to this post that men like to do that because they have watched too much porn and they are doing it to degrade women.
You are very much into picking on my take on it all without stating where you stand on the issue.
If there are any women with “men” issues on this post it is more likely to be the women who are horrified at having a bit of male ejaculation on their face. But even then, if they are horrified it doesn’t necessarily mean they have “men” issues, maybe they just don’t like to have male ejaculation shooting on their face. Or maybe they are religious and only believe in acts apt.
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I don’t think catgirl has issues at all… in my own experience (though not quite as lengthy as hers) i have experienced the same for all except one person (who was not very well endowed and knew it, to the point of shame and almost ‘hiding’) – men LOVE their penises and LOVE showing off what it can do.
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Meh, not my thing. If it’s yours then good on you, but I don’t see the attraction.
I guess I’d be most concerned about the possibility of STDs given that this is a new partner. I don’t swap fluids unless I’ve been with the person long enough to know for sure they’re disease free – and yes this includes my own fluids for those playing “spot the hypocrite”. I’d be a bit worried about someone who was ready to dive straight in (pardon the pun lol), without being sure I was disease free too. Possible health issues aside, I’d be worried it’d burn like buggery (ptp again!) if I copped a load in the eye!
I agree with Tracey and some respondants to some extent though. Kink is fantastic, but leading off from the start with something like that really does set the tone, and it’s not always a romantic/long term/deep one either. I’m not saying it’s impossible to have a meaningful relationship after a beginning like that – but it doesn’t send the “I’m looking for a long term partner” message either.
The only person who knows what this man thinks about you is the man himself. We can guess, but we might be wildly off. My bigger concern would be less about where he choses to make a deposit, and much more about the fact that he was so pushy, and so quickly. You gave the big clue to his motivations yourself just by using that term. Whether you realise it or not, you’ve subconciously pegged him as sexually aggressive. Go with your gut here, if you feel he was pushy – ask yourself what is going to happen when you come up against an issue that is a no-go zone for you. He may not be physically able to coerce you, but I don’t hold high hopes for him dealing with your limitations in a respectful manner.
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All this does is make me sad that I’ve never cum from another person. Not ever! And it was my 28th birthday yesterday. What the what??
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What is so different that you do for yourself that others can’t? Is it the angle, level of penetration, speed, firmness, nerves, etc.?
I thought the same thing. I had a session by myself and I tried to pinpoint what exactly it was that worked for me. Then I tried to replicate the sensation with a partner (by finding the right position, taking control where necessary and talking my partner through what was doing it/what wasn’t [e.g. are they going too fast, not fast enough, too rough, wrong angle, etc.]).
Lo and behold, finally it happened! Well, technically I did it for myself *using* them, but once that happened they knew what I liked and could achieve that without as much help from me. Once that had been achieved, I found it easier to hit orgasm in other positions, too, which I never thought would be possible.
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Agree, except i did this very early on with my first ever sexual partner (age 13) as I knew all about my body and masturbation before then (obviously an early bloomer, i did also have my period and a nice set of boobs at 10-11) so I worked out what is what that worked for me (penetration alone very rarely ends up in orgasm for a female, so the angle of ‘rubbing’ is key)
Sexual inhibition and ability to know what works for your body is wonderful, and i think i’ve only been with one fling that wasnt able to satisfy me (i.e. didn’t give me the chance to do what i know works).
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Not everyone does from straight penetrative sex. It seems to be one of the great sexual myths of our time that women will be able to climax solely from penetration. In our case (much unlike men) it’s all about angle, pressure and for some even speed. Are you able to orgasm from clitoral stimulation by yourself? If so, you may just need a well placed hand during sex to help out. That’s what I found anyway.
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Reading a lot of uptight responses here. What I’m seeing is that he ASKED her and she said YES and furthermore didn’t feel bad about it afterwards. He DID NOT all of a sudden pull out and do it on her face without her consent, he ASKED which means he did not expect it of her.
Bottom line: HE ASKED.
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reading stuff like this makes me feel so yuck… i’m scared that my libido has been permanently destroyed by pornography. and i’m not talking about images of people having sex… its more like everything in our culture is made into porn… everything is too visible… too constructed… can anybody have a genuine experience anymore that is not dictated by representation. i’m so repulsed by the idea of people just rehearsing the trends they see in porn, advertising, master chef… there’s something so conservative about just repeating things you see… i had a spectacularly kinky sex-life when i was a young adult… by the time i was twenty i looked back on my sexual experiences and concluded that there was nothing that i could think of that you could do with a person or people that i had not experienced… now i just have no interest… sex in our culture is just another product.
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I can relate to this…you’re not alone.
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so, what you are saying is that you enjoyed doing anything and everythign when you were young, but now you deny others the same as you now deem it to be a product of porn culture – or that now you have out grown it, it should be offlimits to everyone else? Maybe porn culture is just a product of our desires (ie the other way around to what you suggest). I dont get how you can be on your high horse while also bragging of your ‘spectacularly kinky’ background. .
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yeah… i’m bragging anonymously… piff…
do as you do… i’m the last person who cares to moralise and judge…
i’m just sick of everything in life which is suppose to be pleasureful being turned into a contest and instruction manual.
what you think that the level of ‘kink’ you’re willing to participate in will determine your worth as a person/ how much sexual pleasure you get/ how good a lover you are… don’t think so.
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sorry, I am still a million miles from your logic here. Contest and instruction manual? wtf? And why cant the same be said of the things you got up to? Your point makes zero sense sorry…..oh, and piff to you too
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So nobody else is concerned about bodily fluids in the eyes nose and mouth?
I might be wrong on the details of this, but my understanding is that if a doctor or nurse were to have someone’s blood or other bodily fluids come into contact with their eyes, nose and mouth, there would be precautionary measures taken like 15 minutes flushing with water, followed by a raft of other blood tests, probably a lot of reporting and so on, to make sure there hasn’t been transmission of some horrible disease.
All the years we have tried to push the safe sex message and this porn inspired, risky act is written off as a ‘bit naughty.’ The word degrading is used as though it’s no big deal. No concern expressed about this woman’s health and safety. I shouldn’t be surprised, the porn industry where this act originated doesn’t care about women either.
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You sound a tad uptight
I doubt that a man ejaculating on you is going to kill you. Even kissing someone exchanges bodily fluids
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no it’s not going to kill you but may give you conjunctivitis.. the sexiest of infections…
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I’ve heard told it stings like blazes
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It’s always funny until someone gets hit in the eye.
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Or takes an arrow to the knee
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PMSL!!
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I am with you. Many STD can be passed on through oral sex. Persoanally I wouldnt want my face covered in sperm for lots of reasons. But each to their own. I make no judgement about personal choice as long as people are aware of the risks.
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Urgh!
Reading a scenario like that Makes me super glad to be a lesbian!
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Well, as a lesbian, I am sure you have had your face covered in the juices of your partner (sorry to be so frank). Whats the difference exactly? And he did ask, all she had to do is say no if she didnt want it. MAny women ask for what they want too, isnt that what healthy sex is all about, comunication.
Whats with the large anti male angle through many of the responses here?
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My husband and I have been together for 13 years and I think we’ve been pretty adventurous in that time. We’ve done just about everything in every position, but I draw the line at coming on my face. To me, it is like spitting on someone and yes, I find it degrading. I don’t like seeing it in porn (most pornos are *so* formulaic!) and it’s not something I will ever enjoy, so it’s off the menu.
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These are pretty much my sentiments. You’d have to wash your face afterwards as well.
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that is exactly what I kept thinking when I read this. I know he asked but I still doesnt sit right with me. I would say no if a guy asked this. I really don’t get it or why it is kinky? is it because he is treating her like something he can just shoot his load on, to me that is degrading.
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Does anyone else feel like the word “cum” makes it sound like we are a bunch of teenage girls talking about our “like, totally hot boyfriends”? What an AWFUL word!
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I respect eveyone’s views expressed here and I want to express mine.
Call me old fashioned but I really think this guy overstepped the mark. I think this because I really feel that an act like this is happening far too early in the relationship. Pushing for sex from the go and then doing this the first time is self indulgent in my view and is asking a bit much to ask of the other person so early in a sexual relationship.
When I was a younger man I suppose I was eager like any other red blooded male but as I got older sex became so much more powerful and enjoyable for both of us by letting that side of our relationship grow from discovery and learning what each other liked and didn’t like so much. I’m no prude and believe me, I have tried just about everything there is to try however it has come with time and along the ride of continuing to find out more about my partner. To jump to something like coming on my partners face on our first sexual experience would seem so disrespectful. Sure I have seen it in porn movies but do I have to try it out on someone so early in a early relationship? No chance.
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I actually think that the problem is that he expected this the first time you had sex. I don’t have a problem with facials/anal/whatever, as long as they are in the context of a loving and trusting relationship.
I do anal/facials regularly with my husband, but it took a long time for me to trust him and feel comfortable enough to do that with him. The whole time he was really lovely and caring and whenever I wasn’t sure about something, he’d back of straight away.
I think that a guy should prove himself to you first, before expecting that you will do anything sexually adventurous with him. But I’m quite traditional in that sense, so feel free to disagree!
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I hope you two are getting married now! Jokes.
If you’re ok with it, it’s a-ok. Humans are
complicated.
But you should date guys who can make you cum via oral sex!
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Do those men exist?
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Um YEAH! Which ones are you sleeping with?
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Oh yes they do!!!! =D
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I confirm
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Tracey your response is fantastic- insightful, even, warm
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Ah, winkwink below has just confirmed a thought I had in relation to this scenario. What if some men do this first up because they’ve done so in the past, on one night stands especially, and no one has said anything to contradict their belief that it’s what women want ? This view may have developed via porn or from listening to their mates brag but they haven’t had women who find it inappropriate tell them how they feel about it. It may be the case that if a guy is told that a facial is perhaps a bit out there for a first time, he may actually be learning something new. At the end of the day, this guy did ask before he made his deposit – got to give him points for manners ! Maybe a bit of communication may go a long way and turn things around rather than just heading for the hills and assuming these guys are sex pests (although the fact he was pushy from the word go doesn’t look good in this case !)
Oh, and I find the comment about the corset and stockings leading to certain expectations quite inappropriate, especially when so many are working to convey the message that women do not invite sexual assault because of what they are wearing. I would consider a corset and stockings sexy attire, no different from a g-string, not a ticket for someone to unleash their sexual fetishes upon me.
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I think the question you should be asking yourself is, ‘how do I feel about this?’. If you feel fine, then it’s fine, if you don’t feel fine, well, then there’s a problem. I think it can be really easy to judge other people’s sex lives because most of us come from a place of ‘what works for me’ when we respond to these experiences. The reality is not everyone has a touching, loving first-time moment – I didn’t, and I’ve been with my man for 7 years. For us, the intimacy grew. There’s nothing wrong with a balls-to-the-wall session (complete with props if that’s what you’re into) at any point in a relationship IF that makes you happy. I, for one, don’t think for a second that this experience doesn’t mean you can’t have a meaningful and long-term relationship with this person. My advice is to stop caring what other people think and just be happy with what works for you.
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Hmmm, balls-to-the-wall session – please explain, I’m having difficulty getting a visual on that
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Haha use your imagination!
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It’s all fun and games until someone gets semen in their eye.
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Yep, that’s when it’s time to grab your bat and balls and go home.
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No wonder she didn’t see it coming! Or him.
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No kidding! Especially if you’re unfortunate enough to have contacts in at the time. Was almost climbing the walls in blinded, stinging fury! Awwwks.
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Contacts?! Oh God, you poor thing!
@Kylie L: LOL
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This’ll be TMI for some.
My GF at the time had been on antibiotics, so we were using the withdrawal method as contraception when we found ourselves without a condom.
As I was getting off at Redfern* in the missionary possie; I gave myself a money shot to the face.
Some of which went in my mouth and in my eye…I can confirm that it does sting and it doesn’t taste great.
It wasn’t consensual. There is some justice in the world, ladies.
I decided to set up a safety word for myself so I didn’t get that carried away again.
*For those not from Sydney, Redfern is the train station just before Central.
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Nearly peeing myself laughing here! I’m sorry, but that is just hilarious!
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Goodness trog, sounds like you’ve got some serious trajectory going on
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I’m so glad I came back to check updates on this thread. That cracked me up!
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It’s hard sometimes reading the comments here and trying to formulate a response that is effective in conveying exactly what I want to say but within the realms of not giving room to the people who are just itching for a good man bash.
I find it a little sad that people skip straight to commenting about how degrading it was for him to ejaculate on her face, yet bugger me if they didn’t zoom straight past the point of the story where he had his face nose deep in her vaginal fluids.
Seriously, is the need to get all judgy and it-must-be-male-objectification so strong within some people that they can not see context or actually read every word?
Sex is between 2 (maybe 3) people and whatever they (the consenting adults) want to try or say no to is up to them. No one has the right to put their own arbitrary value on differing acts of sex and decry it as the normative with any objections to be “disgusting”.
Wow, just wow.
I’ve done a myriad of things sexually that I wouldn’t necessarily do because I loved someone, liked some one or felt maybe I should push myself. They weren’t all societal approved acts and some left me uncomfortable, but like an adult I made the choices and I live with them, mostly never gave it a second thought.
Had I had someone in my ear telling me how negative I should view my personal choices and how victimized I am by society, the other parties or just anything that absolves my personal responsibility I might just go a little bonkers at best.
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Hahaha ‘nose deep in her vaginal fluid’
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100% agree and love what you have to say, The Voice of Reason.
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Awesome comment. I knew it was time to stop reading Cosmo when they wrote in a sealed section you should walk away if he ever called you a dirty whore during sex. By then I had realised sex was much broader than the view being presented and men could cum on someone’s face, talk dirty, and still respectfully and lovingly cuddle you afterwards.
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I love the idea of a sealed section. I know it is early days, but I saw it with Cosmo when I was a reader 10 year ago and the first two columns are the same theme: negative on men’s sexual desires.
Cum on face and having a sex toy (the sleeve) are fairly common, normal, usually health expressions of a male’s sexuality. There seems to be a faint negative tone to both articles. When I read Cosmo it was the same ‘omg he wants to use dirty language with me, how awful!’ and ‘he wants anal, how awful of him!’. etc etc. It was all about mitigating men’s desires.
I would love articles on how women can find pleasure for themselves. I, like many women, struggle to orgasm with a partner, but can do it alone just fine. Or suggestions for how a couple can find mutual pleasure, new ideas etc.
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Thanks for this. It echoes my thoughts.
‘He wants what? What a pervert.’
This attitude aggravates me and makes me ashamed of desiring the things I want in the bedroom. If men had the same attitude, no one would do anything besides the missionary position with their clothes on and the lights off.
What you do in the bedroom doesn’t reflect how much he respects and loves you. Remember relationships are about compromise and doing things for your partner that they want to do as long as it doesn’t make you feel bad.
‘She wants to see what chick flick? Like hell I will. Its degrading to be seen there’
Please…
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Whatever floats your boat.
I don’t think my husband feels like I’m being demeaning towards him when I come on his face. In fact, I’d put money on it that he’d be more than happy for me to squat and squirt
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I think its fair to say I wont be able to get the words squat & squirt out of my head all day! Happy Friday to all!
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I had no idea cum on the face was meant to be degrading. I love it! Weird huh? I find anything that makes my partner go happy crazy (as this does) is a major turn on for me.
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Can I just say how much I love the new Sealed Section? It’s so good to hear everyone’s opinions on this kind of thing.
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I agree! my friends are never this open about their sex lives so this post is a great way to find out what other people are actually doing in the sack.
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I concede after the multiple respnses below, that I am in the minority of women because i don’t LOVE/ENJOY sperm all over my face. On a regular basis. So that’s all folks, I said it.
(If someone had tried to convince me that I’d post that sentence somewhere one day in the future I probably would have laughed a little!)
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It has never been said that you’re odd because you don’t enjoy it.
Just be mature enough to realise that other people, including women, enjoy it so don’t go around judging and criticising them for that.
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Do you even read my post before you get all uppity? I never said I was ‘odd’. I said I was in ‘the minority’. Big difference. Gay people are in the minority…are they odd?
*disclaimer* please don’t respond with ‘well now you are being anti-gay’ because my sister is and that is not what I’m saying. I just find you confusing the whole ‘minority’ with the term ‘odd’ a bit strange.
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ok I shouldn’t have used odd, let’s change it to different, for arguments sake.
My point stays the same. I never cared what you do in the bedroom but you criticised me when i said i enjoy being ejaculated on.
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Did I miss something? She said she doesn’t enjoy it – she never criticised anyone else for enjoying it!
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See below for original post from A
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I’m with you on this all the way, A!
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Apart from everyone’s very valid comments about what this potentially implies for the future of the relationship – no-one seems to have mentioned the “safety” aspect. THe first time I have sex with someone, in fact ANY sex I have with someone outside a long-term committed relationship is pretty careful.
As much as sex is about squelchy activities, I generally prefer body fluids to stay pretty well contained until I know and trust someone pretty well. I’m not sure how “semen all over the face with a new shag” quite fits with the usual safe sex message we should all be aspiring to…
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Good point.
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so you do not expect a man to go down on you until in a commited relationship?
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I’m less worried about the act he performed and more about how many bells and whistles there are for being together the first time.
I find it kind of sad that you’ve gone from 0 to 100 in 4 dates. I think the reason you didn’t orgasm is because there was no intimacy in this relationship.
As someone said below, where will you be in a few months time?
I think this guy is just going to burn you out. Good luck and listen to your heart.
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Jizz makes me gag.
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‘You didn’t see it coming’? I thought the whole point was, you did see it coming; about an inch from your face. (Joke)
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All I’d be thinking about is if he’s asking to do the first time, what will he be asking of me in a few months?
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I’ve never watched porn but i love when my boyfriend cums on me after sex.
I was the one that suggested he try it as I thought it would be fun. I was right. I also love when he masturbates over me and makes himself cum on my face.
My boyfriend and I always joke how I’m the boss unless we’re in the bedroom. You can’t blame porn for that, it just happens that we enjoy playing those roles.
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Totally agree with you. I’m trying to encourage my boyfriend to be even more of ‘the boss’ in the bedroom.
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I think you are kidding yourself when you say it didn’t bother you. Why else would you feel the need to survey your friends and write to this column if you really felt totally ok with it. To me this guy sounds horrible. Pushing you for sex is bad enough but to come on your face on the fourth date! No way!
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This is obviously all about porn because that’s how it always seems to end anymore (jizz in the face) So sad though really that porn is never about the woman and just how demeaning they can be towards women, it’s only ok in small doses I think (porn) as it seems to really mess with men’s heads if they do it a lot.
I’d be so ashamed if my boys grew up thinking its ok to convince someone that this is what they want & pressure them etc. I have already thought about what to tell them in a way that they understand that just because they might see it a lot in porn IN NO WAY means that a girl actually wants to do that. I don’t think I’m a prude (thinking of all the things I’ve done with my husband over the years) but I’d tell him to f*#k off if he said he wanted to do that to me. It’s too demeaning and not sexy or satisfying in any way to me at all.
Btw, ‘he was good at oral sex but I didn’t have an orgasm’. Sorry but (i’m obviously with someone who knows how to do it properly) and to me that means that he is quite crap at it & should be watching less porn & more ‘how to pleasure a woman in bed’ type stuff!
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Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean that other women don’t.
I might think that some of the stuff you and your husband do is gross and not turn-on.
I let my boyfriend cum on my face and trust me the sex is mostly about me, seeing as he always makes sure I orgasm at least twice before he does.
Judgy wudgy was a bear
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I just saw youre post above…Oh dear, quick to the defense too. Interesting. That’s fine do what you want, doesn’t effect me! I just sincerely hope that you are 15/16 and have limited life experience..
*edit…sorry, I really didn’t mean that I hope you’re underage of consent or anything, poor choice of words?! I mean that you can’t be an adult (and you could say that you are, we’ll never know on a comment board) and feel that way I’m supposing? Any adult woman I know would think that there were serious problems with their sex life if they let their boyfriend/husband do that to them on a regular basis…
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If she enjoys the experience more power to her! A bit insulting to suggest you have to be young and inexperienced to have that perspective… I don’t see why.
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Ummm..it’s demeaning right? I am so totally seeing why men could be sooo confused with women!!
*21st century woman to man about how she would like to be treated their relationship….’i'd like you to respect me, my opinions, my freedom and not abuse me or treat me like a piece of shit’
*man…’ok…say how about we go to bed in 5 minutes and I jizz on you’re face’
*21st century woman…’sounds great’
??
Does anyone think that we are possibly confusing men somewhat? It’s really not a batshit crazy theory. I would hope that women want to be respected but it seems like you would say ‘yes I do, (just not in the bedroom where you can do the most demeaning things you can think of to me)’ wtf??
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There are many men who enjoy S&M and being the dismissive one so how is it any different.
I don’t know about your partner, but mine is smart enough to realise that just because I like him to be in control in the bedroom doesn’t mean that he can walk all over me in real life.
It’s called fantasy.
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She instigated that sexual behaviour and they both enjoyed it so no, in this scenario it’s not demeaning or confusing. So what’s the problem?
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We are confusing men? Seriously?! Wow that is not a lot of credit to men! I think they’ll actually do fine at comprehending “hey cum on my face in the bedroom doesn’t mean spit on me during dinner with the folks too” I am happy to put my faith in a guys ability to distinguish bedroom activity is for pleasure and all activities and lovely sentiments don’t need to be directly applied to every other aspect of your life!
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I’m 52, married for nearly 34 years, my husband does it, I like it…. I’d never critisize anyone else’s ‘fun’. Hurts no one.
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Y’know I read back over my original post…I don’t know where I said originally that this is ‘no woman’s cup of tea’ or criticizing that it is ‘not possible for any women to want to do this’. Confused because…
# I said that I don’t want my boys growing up thinking that lots/all women want to do that (just because it’s in porn) and to be pushy about it etc. and that ‘I MYSELF’ would say ‘f*#k off’ at the suggestion to do that to ME.#
I hope that’s what you took from my post because that was my real and only points that I made?!
People choose, we are different. I get it. I don’t like it but thats my opinion & i thought this is where we expressed y’know…our opinions. You are entitled to yours like i am mine
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You said you hoped i was young and inexperienced when I said I enjoyed those things.
I don’t care what you and your husband do in the bedroom but when you say stuff like the above about what my partner and I do it is insulting and criticising.
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What on earth are you talking about?
To quote from your post above:
“I mean that you can’t be an adult (and you could say that you are, we’ll never know on a comment board) and feel that way I’m supposing? Any adult woman I know would think that there were serious problems with their sex life if they let their boyfriend/husband do that to them on a regular basis…”
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Us too. We’ve been married for 15 years, and every now and then I really crave being covered in cum. My husband obliges, and he loves it! We don’t do it all the time, but once in a while it is a real turn on.
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I’m an adult woman. I am also a mother. Ask anyone who knows me and my husband and they will tell you that he worships the ground I walk on. There isn’t a better man out there.
That said, I do let him cum on my face and I enjoy it. It’s kinky and brings me to orgasm. I don’t appreciate you suggesting that I’m either not an adult or have problems in my sex life because I consent to my partner doing this.
Perhaps you need to re-evaluate why your sense of self, especially in terms of your power as a woman, is so easily threatened.
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Freckles….this is sex, the leading women’s lifestyle blog way. It’s going to be fairly sanitised and low key. Nothing wrong with that, it’s just the target market. Come back to life – f for broader discussion.
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Yes, I have stayed too long with men who are great at oral sex but not much else pleasant going for them really…
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Hi A, I tell my boys ‘adult movies’ or crap on the interenet etc is no different from their favourite action movies…nothing is real it is fake and all for ‘entertainment’ purposes….although how anyone can find porn entertain is beyond me..although no judgement
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I didnt actually think that the “pull out and dispose” was any sort of fetish,or degrading or even a bit naughty .For my parntner and I we called it “withdrawal method ” and for us it was nothing rmore than conraception
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I think it’s the dispose on her face thing that’s degrading?
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Err.. I think it’s the disposing on the face that’s the fetish-y part.
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contraception hey? Pretty sure the withdrawal method is why a lot of people over 40 exist in the world today (ie it doesn’t work and creates lots of “surprises”) … so enjoy that
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I have a beautiful three year old daughter thanks to that particular method!!
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Mine’s 9!
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We have 4 children all planned. Since our last little angle we have been using the withdraw method for 7 years, no suprises here and I am extremely fertile…..the pill is only an option not the must have
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I agree its not the most reliable form, but for us it was close to the only thing available.I have a list of gyno issues and could not use any birth control and as luck would have it , also allergic to condoms ! But worry no more ,I recently had a hysterectomy and funnily enough ,sometimes forget and still withdraw .
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Be careful!
Jizz in the eye reeaaaaally stings and can leave you looking a bit pink eye-ish.
Just sayin’…
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Now I have Jizz in my Pants stuck in my head . . .
Thank you Lonely Island . . .
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“”"” I have been seeing a bloke for a couple of months now and from the second date he has been quite pushy for sex. I slept with him on date four, as it felt right to. He was very good at oral sex and said he was enjoying it, we tried quite a few positions and both had a good time (even though I didn’t orgasm!)”"”
Wait Wait Wait. This might just be setting the agenda for the rest of the relationship… I mean, he was pushy, not respectful of your wishes???
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Sadly, sounds like an ex from my early 20s.
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I think ‘on the face’ is gross, especially for first time sex. Maybe you should tell your guy that you have a thing for urinating on your men during sex…see what he says then!
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Bahahahahahaha! Love it!
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BAHAHAHAHAHAHA omg thats gold.
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Hahaha what’s good for the goose is good for the gander after all!!!
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Does everyone find the urination thing really disgusting and funny?! In the “not normal” basket?
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See I like the urinating thing but not the cum in my face thanks very much lol
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I like both! And feel so alone about it!
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Sex is complicated.
My last boyfriend had some rather….unsavoury opinions about it.
I have tried anal in the past. And i have had threesomes in the past. Neither of which i wanted to try again with him – i was over it. Well…that really didn’t go down well…he was so upset. When i asked him why, he said…
“I’m upset because those other guys got the best of you! And what do i get now!!?”
Um, the best of me? Surely the best of me is the part of me who knows what she likes and doesn’t like, and is strong enough to say so and respect myself enough not to be pressured into doing something i don’t want to do.
Some men make me feel so sick sometimes
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Wow. Glad for your sake that you’re out of that one now.
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Totally. I couldn’t get past that statement (which he didn’t think there was anything wrong with) and ended it shortly after.
I think sometimes there’s a sense of entitlement on the man’s side and a sense of obligation on the woman’s side that can completely destroy a healthy sex life.
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Wow, what a dick. There is definitely a sense of entitlement that a lot of men have. I’ve been accused of ‘rudeness’ just for telling guys I’m not interested in their attention.
Ironically I’d been around before meeting my husband and that makes him ‘not’ want to do certain things with me, he’s a good boy at heart.
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AH, you’re do completely right about the entitlement/obligation thing. I can’t count the times my husband has said something along those lines when I’ve turned him down to the point where he claims I’m abnormal because I don’t give it up.
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Your ex was worried that you where more attracted to the other guys to give them more sexually exciting acts that you wouldn’t give to him.
Imagine if a man told you he serenaded his ex and showered her with candlelit dinners, but wouldn’t do the same for you because he was over it. It wouldn’t make you feel very special.
Sex is very important for men and often linked to ego. If you can just take this at face value even though you don’t understand it, you’ll have more harmonious relationships.
If its any consolation, there’s many things women find important that I don’t understand or value at all. I still make compromises for them because it will make them happy. Making them happy makes me happy.
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Good article….but the main photo !
It looks as if Mia is flicking the bird at us. That is you, isn’t it, Mia ?
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Not even close Bradley, it’s a stock image
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I used to think this was degrading but then a boy tried to stick a plastic pig tail in my bottom and it gave the word a whole new meaning.
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OMG!
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WTF?????
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What…. How…. HUH???!!!!
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Hmmm….i see the porn discussion has come up….
Some men watch a lot of porn – a large part of which degrades women, calls them all ‘sluts’ and ‘bitches’ and they all act like they love being treated like rubbish – so when a guy gets a real women into bed, it’s no wonder they are confused about what to do with them.
That said, whatever you’re comfortable with is fine.
I just think we’re all a bit warped by what feels good, because we’ve been thrown such mixed messages about what is SUPPOSED to feel good.
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I think porn definitely does have an impact on guys behaviour, probably particularly those without a whole lot of experience of sex in relationships… That’s where you kind of tend to learn more about what actually gets a partner off, rather than just in one night stands where they have no feedback.
I had an experience a few weeks ago with a guy who was incredibly rough and only wanted to do it doggy-style and I ended up bruised, grazed and with my mouth slightly injured… I should have spoken up but I just wanted it to be over and he obviously had no idea that it was not really the usual way of going about things, and then he was all sweet and really wanted to cuddle after… a really confusing experience which I think porn might have contributed to!
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Just out of curiosity, why did you not speak up?
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I’m not sure to be honest, I think I was just in shock or something, and then once it had started I figured it would be less awkward and over quickly if I just went with it. I did mention it to him the next day though and he apologised and said he didn’t realise he’d hurt me.
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I find the discussion about how porn affects what people expect from sex really interesting.
i have to say i really get off on things that my partner likes to do. It’s almost as if when he ejaculates over me i have a feeling of power because I can make him feel so good?! I dont know I cant explain it well! I used to not even like giving oral sex because I found it degrading but now in my long term relationship with the man I plan to marry I’m really keen to try new things and don’t mind doing things that used to bother me! I want to share some of the things we tried because I don’t even talk to my friends about it but even anonymously I fear the judgment!! He would never pressure me to do something I’m not ready for (e.g anal) and he doesn’t play the waiting game of continuously asking me to do something.
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Anon, I think you’ve made some really interesting points, and you’re not alone.
I think a lot of people get off on knowing they’re getting someone off. Personally, I love giving head because I know I’m good at it. Ditto, I like dressing up in a corset and stockings and killer heels, because I know my bf thinks it’s looks insanely hot. I like getting a brazilian because it feels better and because I think it looks better.
Here is the thing I find interesting: All those things I think are “sexy” and think look best are patriarchal constructions of heterosexual sex and gender. I like enacting them because I think I do it well, and I get positive feedback from others when I do it.
I think I look hot in stockings etc because I look like a playboy bunny, or like I’m in FHM. When I’m thinner and more toned and tanned I think I look hotter. Why? Because I look more like the current socially contructed image of “beautiful”, and I get positive feedback from men (dates, looks, etc) and women (“have you lost weight?” “you look great!”) for my looks when I’m buying into that paradigm/norm.
I know you weren’t trying to kick off a feminist debate or anything but the article and your comment creates an interesting platform as to how norms of sexuality and beauty get created.
A very simplified (and therefore obviously problematic) argument might be: something becomes common in porn (eg brazilians, for example), men like it and request it of their girlfriends, girls do it and get positive feedback on it, girls therefore take ownership of it and convince themselves that they’re doing it for themselves (would you really get a brazilian if you were alone on a desert island? Really?), then it becomes a norm. It’s happened with brazilians, and it’s becoming a lot more common with anal and facials.
The end of my rant is that I am totally comfortable with most things during sex. The only thing that bothers me is when women are so entrenched in porn culture that they think certain beauty regimes or sexual norms stem from their own innate sexuality, rather than acknowledging that they are buying into a construction of sexuality created for them by society. There is nothing wrong with liking that you ‘perform’ a particular kind of sexuality well – but just don’t be blind as to how it came to be, and why you like engaging in it. Now – end of rant!
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I found your rant very interesting and I liked it – totally agree with your suggestions that our ‘ideas’ about what is hot & not are constructed for us…..it’s so interesting to think about……
Thank you for ranting!
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Thanks Imelda!
I’ll add that men probably face the same conundrum about what they should be like sexually, and how they should perform. But as a woman I can’t really comment on that experience.
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Here here, couldn’t agree more with that big old rant, I reckon you are spot on
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I don’t necessarily have a problem with your rant as long as it isn’t in isolation of the expectations that women have on men and where those expectations come from.
Thats sexual expectations on men’s behaviour gained from reading ‘sealed sections’, talking to girlfriends etc.
Just understand this isn’t a once sided issue.
You could extend this to all constructions between the genders.
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sounds like you have a really trusting and equal relationship that allows you to push the boundaries! Enjoy!
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In my experience, the keener they are for sex – the more I hold back – because frankly, usually that means they’re just after that and not much else. The fact that he wanted to did THAT on your first time says that he is just using you to fulfil a fantasy and yes, I agree with Tracey, what you chose to wear may have played a part in that, I’m not sure though. If you just want a f**k buddy and want to explore different things, pursue this (with caution). Otherwise, if you were after a committed relationship, get out I’d say. But up to u, i’m just basing this on my experience with guys. I’ve been asked to do this, but never ever on the first time. Always after I’ve been seeing the guy for a long, long time. It’s not really romantic for the first time, is it. lol
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I’d be wary of playing amateur psychologist and judging what is going through his head. There are a million other indicators of the health of their relationship that I would look at before I placed so much value on what he wanted to do sexually.
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If you were fine with it, then no problem.
I find Tracy’s comments on underwear odd though. I regularly wear corsets, suspenders, stockings etc. when no one’s going to see them but me. I just like nice lingerie. While I’m up for just about anything, what I’m wearing isn’t signalling how adventurous I am in bed, it’s just an aesthetic choice. One day I might be all dolled up like Dita Von Teese and only want the most vanilla sex imaginable, another day I might be wearing spanx and a ratty old bra and feel like being ‘naughty’.
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But whyyy? Whyyyyyy? When noones going to see them?? They hurt!!!!
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Hahahahaha SO VERY TRUE!!! I would wear that stuff when my discomfort would be APPRECIATED!!!
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If you mean the corsets, I’m not wearing a 16-incher everyday. Most of my corsets are more comfy than Spanx. Personally I find suspenders and stockings much more comfortable than pantyhose. And silk and fine lace bra’s and knickers feel much nicer than cotton to me.
I like nice lingerie because it makes me feel good. If I leave the house wearing a pretty outfit but I have gig nanna undies and an ugly beige bra on underneath, I feel frumpy even though no one else would know.
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Yup, I can not stand traditional stockings and have to have the suspenders. I also need to be wearing a nice set of knickers and stockings to feel finished off and beautiful. I could wear stockings and suspenders under track pants and still be comfy!
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100% agree!! I wear sexy underwear every day and I love it. I can’t stand wearing ugly underwear – it makes me feel frumpy and gross.
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Ummmm……first world problem much!
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I kind of think that request is just a reflection of porn having a bigger and bigger influence in sex. Cumming on a girl’s face is very common in porn, and lots of guys find it hot and want to try it. The last couple of guys I’ve dated have all asked to do it – or just done it.
Recently I was seeing a guy whose sex style was very clearly influenced by porn. At one point he told me loved “cream pies” – it turns out that’s just ejaculating inside the girl. Since when was that fetishised? Last time I checked that was just a normal, lovely part of sex with your partner, not some dirty hot fetish.
I’m all up for fun sex, but it’s sad when the act gets turned into a box ticking sesson (metaphorically – unless ticking is a fetish now too…).
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Yes, very much agree with your statements. It seems that everything these days has to have a name for it, from teabagging to pearl necklaces, motorboating and rim jobs etc.. Now a cream pie? Something changes when all these little things that are a part of many people’s sex lives become ‘acts in a repertoire’ with funny little names… it’s all made a little cheap and sleazy somehow. Or is that just me?
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Yeah I totally agree JG!
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Reminds me of an episode of 30 Rock where Jenna and her boyfriend have a really dirty, kinky sex life, but as it goes on and they get more comfortable, sometimes they just want to lie in bed and cuddle.
THey freak out about becoming a boring, regular couple who shop for homewares so they coin the term “norming” for their “kinky” practice of role-playing as regular couples shopping for homewares. It’s hilarious!
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