We tuned into an epic reunion show of Seven Year Switch last night.
Three patched-up couples beamed at the cameras, reinvigorated with love and passion and fight, each celebrating their own milestones. Weddings! Baby bellies! Strange beachside proposals with tattoo vouchers!
It was all going on.
But while the celebrations of teeny tiny arrivals gained the attention of many, there was a group of viewers who felt a twang of pride for an unlikely pair – the only pair to go their separate ways – Michelle and Jason.
Watch a snippet of the reunion episode below (post continues after video).
That proud group is made up of kids who are products of broken marriages. A group who knows what it’s like to witness a messy separation, to be part of a divided family and to love two bleeding, shattered parents irrevocably. A group of which I am a member.
It might sound crazy, but I see Michelle and Jason as the success story of Seven Year Switch.
Sure, it wasn’t a Disneyesque ending. There were no miracle baby announcements, proclamations of undying love or glittering diamond rings, but there was peace. There was mutual respect. There was a sense of overwhelming relief. And above all, right there on our TV screens was a shining example of what a separated marriage can – and should – look like.
"We tried, but at the end of the day, we decided to separate," a tearful Michelle said last night. "It got to the stage where we looked at each other and we couldn't try anymore."
And try they did. These two did not walk away from their marriage, or from their commitment to each other, lightly. This was no snap decision made in the heat of the moment, but one that had weighed Michelle and Jason down for years.
"I was trying everything I can honestly say I've tried everything possible," Jason said. "But we got to the point where we talked about it and realised that the best thing for us to do was separate."
No child would ever ask their parents to continue "suffering under each other's pressure" in the hopes of keeping a dead love alive. No child wants to come home to a household paralysed with bitter tension. No child wants to feel like they are the reason their parents are trapped in misery. And I can say from experience that Michelle and Jason's kids will be better off with happy parents who live in different homes, than sad parents who merely co-exist in the same one.
A married couple doesn't equate to a happy family, and what Michelle and Jason showed us is that a strong, modern parenting relationship isn't dependent on wearing a wedding band.
"We spend more quality time together now than what we did before," the mum-of-two said. "I love Jason with all my heart and I still do. He is my best friend and I'm the luckiest woman in the world because I got to have my babies with my best friend.
"We will be in each other's lives forever and I can't imagine a better person than that to be as Jason. We might not live in the same house anymore, but we will always be family. I love my children more than I could ever be angry or dislike him. He is still my children's father and I love them."
I don't know how the other relationships will turn out. Perhaps this really is the beginning of their happily ever afters. But what I do know is that Michelle says she feels "stronger". I know that her kids are getting more quality time with mum and dad. I also know they're no longer stuck in a house where anger and resentment accompany dinner every night.
If you thought that Michelle and Jason lost their fight, you'd be wrong. Because it's never easy to walk away. Hell, it's undoubtedly the hardest thing parents have to do.
But to do so with such grace, such respect and such love showed us that sometimes the most courageous decision - and the best decision - is to go your separate ways.
While they were the only couple who left the experience as two singles, Michelle and Jason were the success story of Seven Year Switch.
Top Comments
Thanks Michelle ... and thank you Michelle and Jason. I'm just going through a separation myself and both my ex and I are doing everything we can to recognise that, at this point, it's all about keeping it as calm and loving as possible for my kids. Like Michelle I will always love my ex as he is the father of my children and that makes him one amazing person to me. I can't though live with him anymore for a whole host of reasons. Thankfully we're both coming from the same space on this and have simply adopted an attitude that if we work half as hard on our separation as we did on our marriage then it will all work out just fine. Interestingly it is friends and well meaning family that have struggled to accept that approach more than anyone as they can't seem to understand why there isn't more anger. At the end of the day then personally I'm just so grateful for people like yourselves who are willing to share your stories as wouldn't it be amazing if we could redefine what a "normal" separation looks like. Move aside hate, anger and blame. In any situation what is done is done - the only thing you can control is how you move forward and putting your heart at the center of that decision for you kids is one of the most important decisions you will ever make.
Hi Michelle. I just wanted to personally say thank-you for such a nice article. I agree wholeheartedly with everything you have just written. It is a shame there was a heavy hand with the editing on this episode (I guess they do have time restrictions - plus bickering and conflict is just that little bit more entertaining for most :-)) because Shel and I spoke quite in depth about
the separation and the children.
One thing in particular that wasn't shown I would love to share here because it was a mistake I made, then learnt from, and wanted to share in case it is of help to others.
There has one been only 1 point since Shel and I separated where the conversation was less than amicable. It was during a conversation over the sharing agreement (bit of a yuk word but it will have to do - other choice is custody - grossss) for the children. See I'm not one of those 'once a fortnight will do' sort of a dad. I want to see my kids all the time. Like allllllll the time. So once we started discussing them I said I wanted 50/50. I was pretty firm on this and the conversation got a bit gross. My stubbornness was born from emotion obviously but fed by 'advice' from friends. The advice was always 'you need to grab for custody now because it's impossible to get more later –
fight this in court if you have to'. This was obviously a scary time for me and the thought of seeing my kids once a fortnight for the rest of my life was literally unbearable. Shel maintained that 50/50 care was not best for the kids and I disagreed. Shel also spoke strongly with emotion and the conversation was going no-where. The conversation soon cooled and we both agreed to do some research...
We separately spent hours and hours researching the psychological effects of a separation on children. There are lots of varying opinions of course, and conflicting studies all over the place but the overwhelming consensus is that 50/50 care, especially for children as young as our daughter (15 months) and to a lesser extent our son (4.5), is unquestionably damaging on their mental health. I won't get too into the science here but I really wanted to make a note of the fact that the outcome from Shel and I applying ourselves to some hard reading was one of the most positives things we will ever do for our children.
All conversations regarding the children since then have always been amicable. The fact that we agreed on the science and we had both applied ourselves for the sake of our kids left us feeling united and empowered. We now speak with a genuine consideration for what's best for the kids and with personal bias and self-gain left well and truly 'at the door,' the kids can look forward to a happy a healthy family life.
I summarise it like this... In my opinion, if you have children and are separating from your partner and your first port of call is a solicitor to discuss your 'rights' and fight for custody over your children, then you have failed your children. Your first port of call should be published material on child psychology in separation or even a child psychologist. You have zero rights and it's not about you - It's about your children!
Anyway I’m cramming all this into an overly long comment because I feel that it can help people who have been in our situation, are currently, or soon to be.
Thanks again for your honest and heartfelt words. It’s a far cry from most of the dribble that’s come of the show. At the end of the day a huge motivator for Shel and I to go on this program was the thought of helping others. You have helped us with our message so thank-you :-)
Thanks so much for your wonderful comment, Jason! Your willingness to share your experience is so amazing - I've messaged you on Facebook to discuss further.
Can I ask what sort of division you decided on. If that's too personal please disregard. I have to say, during the show, I was almost willing you two to resolve your differences. You came across as such decent people and I just wanted happiness for you! My heart went out to you both. It seems you've made decisions that are best for you and your family and I wish you both happiness and peace.
So true. You and Michelle are two parents I won't forget. As a new parent myself, I have already learnt some hard lessons in what it means to actually, really, put someone else's interests first in every single decision you make in your own life. What used to be your own life :) You showed strength we should all strive toward through what sounds like an incredibly difficult decision making process.
It must have been hard to sit through that (I think poorly conducted) reunion, but everyone could see that you were both fighting so hard for a love you have already found. Might not be the glossy kind of love the show was marketing, but it is the real, gritty, hard kind, where you put yourself aside and get on with things. You and Michelle should hold your heads high knowing your children have two strong, loving role models to look up to.
Thanks for reminding us all just how important and influential our role as parents is. Sending you good vibes and wishing you all the best!