Men can have babies at almost any age. Women? Not so much. Our most fertile years are before we turn 35. And for some women, these years can get sucked up by a ‘vampire’ man, who has no intention of committing long term.
Author and blogger Sam de Brito wrote a strong column about the jerky men who exploit womens’ fertile year, with often devastating consequences. He writes:
Tell me you don’t know this woman: she started seeing a guy when she was 28 or 32 and the dude said he wanted to get married and have kids, but the time wasn’t right.
They had some fun, moved in together, but he had issues in his 30s (don’t we all) and she was right there beside him, waiting for him to turn the corner.
And he did. Except, when he got there, he decided the relationship ”wasn’t working” and the woman found herself single again at 35 or 38 and was now staring at the possibility that she would never have children.
Yes, yes, we do know that woman. We all do. She’s the one who has spent a decade waiting for her boyfriend to be ‘ready’ and when he finally does decide that he too wants a family – he wants that family with someone else.
And he can do that. Because he’s a bloke.
At age 40 he’s perfectly able to father children but for her it is going to be a whole lot harder if not impossible.
Biology means the playing field is intrinsically unfair – men get a biological gift of more time to sort out their issues and figure out what they want from life. Women don’t have that luxury.
De Britto calls these men vampires – because they literally suck away the fertile years of women’s lives.
He writes:
Sam de BritoThey’re the human equivalent of the morning-after pill because while you’re with them, you’re actually ensuring you will never become a parent and experience what is quite possibly the greatest thing that can happen to you – staring into your child’s eyes.
This is how it breaks down. You meet this guy when you’re 27, you think it’s on forever and ever, amen. Maybe, early in the piece, he thinks the same way, but at some point you become his backstop, his insurance policy, and if someone ”better” comes along he is goooone.
You could argue the guy just didn’t want kids – blah, blah – except these dudes always seem to impregnate the next (much younger) woman, about a year after dumping their long-suffering, long-term girlfriend.
Have you been with a man or do you know a man who put off ‘settling down’ for years?
Top Comments
This was me! How true. He was also an emotional vampire.
I'm a bit torn by this story, I guess I could be considered the younger new girlfriend that a guy had a baby with quite quickly after a break up...
My partner was in a relationship with his ex for 12 years and married for 7 - they got divorced when they were in their mid to late 30's.
When we met we discussed kids, and he was adamant he did not want kids, did not want to get married again and was even reluctant to admit when his feelings towards me became serious.
I was much younger, at 24 I wasn't that concerned with babies and marriage, I wasn't even sure I wanted kids at that point and after my own horrid break up was happy to be casual. In my own plan I had wanted kids in my late 20's but still considered I would have time.
After about six months, out of the blue, he sat me down and said he loved me and wanted to marry me - he told me he couldn't believe it but he couldn't think of anything greater than having a child with me. He completely changed his view.
We now have 2 beautiful children and have been together 9 years, it still feels like the honeymoon period.
I guess from his ex's point of view he may have stolen her most fertile years - but they were horrible together. A child born into that relationship would have cause everyone involved misery.
I think a lot of people feel compelled to get married and have children because they feel they must. As many people have said, communication is the key, many women get stuck thinking the guy will 'grow up' or change his mind, but a lot of the time, that is just who they are. They wont accept what they are hearing, they pretend not to notice how disinterested he may be even if he doesn't come out and say 'No'.