ATTENTION UNIVERSE: Kylie Jenner (AKA the youngest member of the Kardashian/Jenner clan) is trying to set a new fashion trend, and I have a few too many feelings about it.
I realise that Kylie is a style aficionado who has almost 80 million Instagram followers, while I’m just a writer from Melbourne with perhaps an inflated sense of self-importance, but hear me out.
This new “look” is horrible. Like, reaaaaaally bloody horrible. And I swear on peanut butter and all that is holy I will fight it until the day Kylie Jenner herself turns to me and says, “You know what, Michelle? I was wrong, and you were right, and this trend should definitely not exist. Here’s $100 million and a Ferrari for being a crusader of truth and realisation and showing me the light”.
You’ve basically read a rambling thesis without me explaining what the trend is – sorry about that.
The trend is this:
A-YUP. Bike shorts one-pieces, so sheer and unforgiving they would show up the exact shape of the two croissants I shoved down my gob 20 minutes ago.
If you’re thinking, “Oh don’t be stupid, weird writer lady, she’s just posing in her shapewear,” WRONG, friend. YOU ARE WRONG. This is an outfit. One that you’re supposed to wear outside. You know, in front of human people and stuff.
Of course, Kylizzle can wear whatever the bejesus she wants. That’s totally within her right to do so. Also, she’s far too distracted by the sound of dollar dollar billz pouring into her account to notice what a random chick from ‘Straya thinks.
I just… I don’t want this to become something that we all feel pressure to begin wearing, unless we’re participating in some form of pro wrestling tournament… or a rowing competition.
Concerned I was completely out of ~ze fashun loop~ I deep dived into Kylie’s comment section, to see what her adoring fans thought. To my relief, they largely agreed with me.
“This outfit would make me feel like I couldn’t eat all day,” said one fan. Another: “UGH you’d have to peel the whole thing off just to pee.”
Of course, some feedback was more simple.
“Kylie WTF are you wearing.”
“I’m sorry but that is horrible when your normally so on point [sic]”
“Bae WOT ARE YOU WEARING [sic]”
You guys, please know I don’t mean to throw shade at a 19-year-old, I just really bloody love eating croissants and I don’t want to give that up to fit into a glorified pair of bike shorts.
Kylie Jenner on Instagram
What do you think? Are you on board with the onesie bike shorts trend?
Top Comments
Just coz some socialite can squeeze her cosmetically enhanced professionally trained bod into superthin supertight (and yeah fugly) outerwear spanks doesnt mean anyone else is pressured to follow suit. Pretty simple just dont wear it. If you want to wear it and feel confident and comfortable go ahead. Other peoples opinions on your fashion do not actually matter
I always thought I'd find it depressing when I no longer felt any pressure to participate in fashion trends I didn't actually like. It would mean I was old and who wants to be old?!?! The reality has been quite different. I'm actually pretty grateful to know no one anywhere is expecting a 35-year-old woman to wear onesie bike shorts. They are Not For Me. I can just look at them, laugh and know that when Kylie looks back in 20 years, she'll probably laugh too.
You can always say no