kids

"He told our son to shut up." My husband hates being a father to our six-month-old son.

I’m not sure what to do.

We had our first child earlier this year, a beautiful boy who is now six-months-old.

We struggled for years with infertility and had to do multiple rounds of IVF. I thought we were on the same page, and I thought we both really wanted this.

Watch: Dr Ginni Mansberg's philosophy on parenting. Post continues below. 

Obviously, being a parent is hard, and I find it incredibly challenging sometimes, but I genuinely love being a mum. We always said we’d have lots of kids, and that’s something I still want.

When our son was only a few weeks old, my husband let slip that he no longer wants any more children. I admit I brushed this off a little as it was in the early days, and I thought he might need to adjust.

I’ve noticed him getting crankier these past weeks, his temper getting shorter, and the other day, he told our son to ‘just shut up’ when he was crying. Today we sat down, and I asked him to be honest with me. He said he doesn’t like being a father, it’s too hard, and he doesn’t enjoy it. I couldn’t get anything more out of him; he shut the conversation down after that.

I’ve tried to take the pressure off him. I try to give him as much baby-free time as possible. He doesn’t like changing diapers, so I do them all now. He doesn’t like bath time, so I’ve taken it on, etc., but there’s only so much I can take on board myself.

LISTEN: This Glorious Mess on raising an 'unusual boy'. Post continues below. 

I’m crushed, and I’m so sad for our son whose father regrets him. Now it feels like our whole future is warped. 

When we were going through IVF, it seemed he wanted it even more than I did now. He’s totally changed. How do we spend the rest of our lives like this? If he’s unhappy now, surely, that’s only going to get worse as the years go by, and he’ll end up resenting us?

Has anyone else gone through this?

This post originally appeared on Modern Parent and was republished here with full permission. 

Feature image: Getty. 

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Top Comments

sunnymitchell63 3 years ago 1 upvotes
Hi, We went through 5 rounds of ivf , struggled with infertility for years, and were 11 years on our own as a couple before we adopted   a 1 year old, and a year later a new born, my husband told me during the first year that he wasn’t happy, with our relationship, I did my best to create time for us alone ,and did all I could to be the perfect family, but I really think that he struggled with not being no 1 anymore. Maybe some Counceling would help him , and you also, because you can’t do everything and take the burden of fixing everything yourself . Good Luck 💛
sunnymitchell63 3 years ago 2 upvotes
@sunnymitchell63 a major red flag telling a baby to shut up...

mamamia-user-739637812 3 years ago 1 upvotes
I’ve recently had our second baby and suffered from postnatal depression and anxiety. Sometimes the sound of the baby crying makes me so furious and I’ll just tell him to shut up. I’ll tell him I hate him. And I walk away a lot. I don’t have much support but I have sought psychological help and it’s slowly making a difference. Your partner sounds like he may be suffering it too. Even though you love your baby, it’s like an unexplainable anger towards them erupts from you. It makes it hard to bond and enjoy the experience. However, slowly things are improving and its starting to get easier. Give your partner some time and potentially talk to him about seeking professional help if he is open to it. 
@mamamia-user-739637812 You are very brave to disclose this information about you and your baby. Your baby cries because he/she cannot talk. He/she is telling you "mama I need something". Don't ever say you hate your baby, those word aren't true. You must realise that babyhood is only for a short period of time and with time it gets easier. When you become overwhelmed it is ok to take a few minutes to regroup. It is ok for your baby to cry for a few minutes while you get yourself together. Take your time with baby because they can feel when you are agitated. Breathe deeply and try to smile this helps you to ease into a more comfortable space. Remember, it is 100% ok to walk away when baby is driving you crazy, deep breathing, regrouping and ask for help! It is great to have help when you feel overwhelmed. It doesn't mean that you have failed or that you can't do it alone. Babies are hard work. Just know that this won't last forever and that this little bub loves you more than anyone so please be nice to baby. Tell baby you love them because that is the truth.
dabe smith 3 years ago
@mamamia-user-739637812 

https://www.sas.upenn.edu/~cavitch/pdf-library/Fraiberg_Ghosts.pdf

here's an article that helps keep me in check as I interact with my 3  month old daughter. Maybe it can be useful to someone here as well