Taking a deep breath, I grabbed my water bottle and strode into one of those fancy gyms ready to smash some exercise goals.
Little did I know my New Year – New Me resolution was over in less time than it took me to tie up my shoelaces and I was back in my car sobbing.
I guess signing up for a new fitness regimen is so much more than bouncing around to pumping tunes while you desperately try to keep up with the others.
For myself and so many women, walking through those doors was a big deal. The date had been on my calendar for three weeks. It was a huge mental challenge for me. I wanted to do better and be better. I had even told my family and friends. I wanted to be accountable.
Watch: The six types of people you see at the gym. Post continues below.
I’m sure you have walked past those gyms on the high street. The ones with the big windows Everyone seemingly looking great. Fit, healthy, attractive. And it’s bloody intimidating. Terrifying, even.
Of course, I wanted to be just like them. Like actually enjoy working out. Oozing body confidence and high fiving my tribe as we smashed out another tough set together.
And suddenly there I was, standing amongst them, nervously looking for a friendly face while secretly wishing the ground would swallow me up.
Within minutes I felt out of my depth and the class hadn’t even begun. What if I couldn’t keep up? What if I fell over trying to jump over things? What if the two bras I was wearing were not enough to hold the 12G girls in?
Self-doubt took over. I can’t even touch my toes and here I was about to be thrown into a complicated sequence of moves that would see my squishy rear end far too close to a stranger’s face as I frog jumped across the floor.
As everyone laughed and chatted about their Christmas break, I silently edged my way to the back of the class desperately trying to blink back the tears.
Tears of frustration. Upset with myself for going. And upset with myself for slowly giving up.
Standing there in my non-matching Kmart workout gear with the two bras for extra support made me feel like a fraud. I wasn’t like these people. I felt I never would be and that just made me feel worse.
Nobody said hello. Nobody made eye contact, and I fled. I’m pretty sure no one even noticed as I ran back to my car and cried for an hour.
Of course, It’s not really anyone else’s job to hold my hand or roll out the red carpet for my arrival. But I’m human and it broke me.
It also seems I’m not alone.
Since posting about my experience on my Instagram page, I have had thousands of messages from other people who all felt the same. Others that have fled in tears, many who paid expensive 12-month gym memberships never going more than once.
Some found personal training sessions helped, others work out from home using Youtube to guide them through, and sadly, many gave up completely.
It makes my heart hurt for all of us.
I did receive a message from the instructor that day. She was devastated that I felt that way having been massively under the pump with the first day back of training. That made me cry too. But it has been a highly emotional time here in Australia as we are faced with such devastation. It’s all been bubbling away for many of us.
I understand many people go to the gym to work out, to have some me time and leave their problems at the door. I understand we are busy and live in a time-poor world. I am guilty of it myself, too busy chatting to mates at playgroup to notice the new mum who finally left the house for the first time.
But I’m going to learn from this.
I’m not going to give up. I want to be fitter and healthier. For myself and for my kids. And along with that I’m going to be kinder – to myself and others.
Listen: Mamamia Out Loud talks about gym-shaming. Post continues below.
Advice I will now be following:
Find a friend if you can. That moral support would have kept me there.
If you can’t find a gym buddy then get there early so you can find a spot you’re comfortable with and let the instructor know you are new and may need a variation of the more difficult moves. I was too embarrassed to announce that in front of stranger.
Also, it’s worth considering starting the New Year goals in February. Everyone and their next-door neighbour turns up in January – so if you feel overwhelmed, classes will be less busy after that rush.
Same with peak times. Before work/after work and lunchtime are always packed. Aim for a 9pm workout until you feel more confident to jump into a class.
Make sure you check out what sort of level classes offer, too. I once headed into a Tabata class thinking it sounded quite Zen and would involve stretching – only to find out it was one of the hardest workouts going. People were actually standing on their heads at one point.
Jonica Williams is a journalist and proud adoptive mother from the Central Coast. You can follow her family on Instagram @the.wandertwins
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Top Comments
I highly recommend people engage the services of a personal trainer for their first few sessions at the gym. This person will show you around, take you to all of the areas of the gym, sort out your goals and how to achieve them and tell you the difference between tabata and yoga (ie. everything possible).
Having said that, the financial structure of gyms relies upon people signing up and spending money but only a fraction of them using their memberships. While gyms might say that they want you to achieve your health and fitness goals, financially they rely on you doing no such thing.
Perhaps also ask for help next time? It's a lot to expect a room full of strangers to be able read your mind and know that you need some support. We all need help sometimes, but we have to have take some responsibility for getting that help too and not expect the world to simply provide what we need without asking! In my experience, people are generally really happy to help others if they know they need it.
Next time why not have a quick word to the instructor beforehand, let him or her know you are new, nervous and looking to 'join the tribe'. They can then help you get involved and make it really fun. Good luck!