by NICHOLE DONOVAN
So I went on a date with a new guy.
It went well. I got dressed up and he fussed over where we ate, finally picking a restaurant with a warm, buzzy atmosphere. I laughed at his jokes and he laughed at mine.
Then the bill came.
Since neither of us announced we would pay, that piece of paper was left sitting there, sort of loitering aimlessly between us.
Then he grabbed the piece of paper and put it firmly under his glass. Good. Taking ownership. I thought.
“So how do you want to do this? Should we split the bill?”
Hang on. Where was the polite tango? There was meant to be a tango. I’d offer to pay. He’d insist on getting it. I’d try again, more tentatively this time, possibly doing The Reach for my wallet. He’d wave my hand away.
Isn’t that how it goes?
Look, I’m going to come right out and say it. I like a guy to pay on a first date. Even at a minimum, I expect him to offer, even if we ended up splitting the bill. And then it got worse.
Sensing my confusion, he rationalised by saying “…because I’m a firm believer in the Feminist movement, you know?”
He sat there looking at me, such a sensitive new age feminist guy, as though it was all supposed to make sense now.
This was the lowest point so far. Because was it really? Did he truly respect my independent womanhood so much that he wanted to tip his hat to equality and not pay? Or did he just, not want to pay.
I felt it was a pretty lame use of feminism, really.
After that, I knew the date was over. Not because I didn’t like him. I did. I do. Quite a bit. But if he liked me back he’d never suggest splitting the bill, right?”
Now, I get the contradiction here – I can’t have my feminism, eat it too and also expect someone else to pay for my dinner. I know that splitting the bill is the modern thing to do. And after the first date – and certainly in a relationship – I’m cool with it.
But what about chivalry? Isn’t it the same as liking it when a guy holds open a door for you? I’d be fascinated to hear what other MM readers think. Is everyone else a bill-splitter but me?
Nichole is a journalism student at the University of Technology Sydney and is an intern at Mamamia.com.au
Top Comments
Dating can be expensive but if he was requesting a certain place thats expensive he should pay most of it. or agree on where to go first and split so it doesnt ruin the Date doing it after the meal etc or just go for coffee easy
Men shouldn't pay for the first date for the same reason that people don't pay to be interviewed for a job. I'm already taking an emotional risk by taking a girl out on a date with the possibility that we just won't click for whatever reason - it's totally unfair that I should also bear 100% of the financial risk. If a girl refuses to at least match the risk that I am taking, then it's easy to logically deduce that she doesn't value me as much as herself and I shouldn't bother with her. I can always get a date with another girl who IS willing to pay her share (such girls are not uncommon) - so I will go dutch, and then spend the money I saved by going dutch on going on dates with other girls who are less likely to waste my time. Obviously, I only ever go on a first date to a venue that is within the price range of both parties - it would be ridiculous for me to take a girl to a really expensive place that she can't afford and insist that she pays for herself. However, if there is ever a situation where I go on a date with a girl and she doesn't bring her wallet because she just expects me to pay because I am the man, I will pay my half and leave her in the restaurant to have an awkward conversation with the manager. Such women need to be taught not to steal from men.
The only time I would ever contemplate paying for both parties on the first date is when we're already a couple and I was taking her somewhere special for the first time.
Additional point: if you give a girl an expensive gift and she dumps you soon after, INSIST on getting it back. It's not conscionable for her to keep it - no gift is ever given without some sense of reciprocity attached.
The fact is that women earn a third less than me, yet the cost of living for women is twice to three tiimes more than their male counterparts. If a man suggests a dinner date, then surely he should cover the bill - especially if he earns more. I'm also for socialism, so if I earnt more than a man I liked, invited him on a date, then I would pay. Furthermore, it's a question of potential reciprocation - if a gentleman pays, then it's only right for a lady - feminist or not, to return the favour once she feels valued in a world which undervalues women.