Strewth.
Tourists love to come to Australia and marvel at the fact we have roads, buildings and no roos in the middle of our major cities.
There is a lot to learn about our fine country, and there’s nothing we Aussies love more than giving our foreign mates a helpful heads up.
After all, not telling somebody about the dangers of drop bears… well, that’s just unAustralian.
The conversation came up when a Redditor asked locals for the dos and don’ts of visiting Australia. Here are their best tips.
Beach safety, mate.
“Don’t go to the beach if you don’t know how to swim.”
“If you do find yourself caught in a rip, don’t fucking keep trying to swim against it. The current is stronger than you.”
Peeing on your mate is sometimes necessary, mate.
“If you’re travelling with a friend, make sure you’re both prepared to pee on each other if you get a bluebottle sting. It’ll test your friendship and either make it stronger or weird. Really, really weird.”
Drop bears are real, mate.
“Watch out for the drop bears. Those things are dangerous.”
We like to take the piss, mate.
“Don’t take anything we have to say seriously. Most of us will be making fun of you”
Don’t say g’day mate, mate.
“Don’t be that lame tourist that tries to greet everyone with ‘G’day mate’.”
Don’t take ‘how are you?’ too far, mate.
“Everyone is going to ask ‘How are you?’ when they meet you, but they’re just being polite so please don’t hold up the Coles check-out girl with your life story.”
No wuzzas bout knowin’ nuffink, m8.
“We abbreviate almost everything, so don’t be afraid to ask what the hell we’re talking about.”
Vegemite is not chocolate spread, mate.
“Vegemite is actually good, you’re just eating it wrong. Grab a piece of toast, slap some butter on it and put only a tiny amount of Vegemite and spread it extremely thin.”
Be courteous to spiders, mate.
“If you see a spider, don’t be afraid. Take it out to the bar and have a drink.”
Bush safety, mate.
“Don’t wander off into the bush alone without telling anyone.”
Customs will send you home, mate.
“Don’t fuck with customs. Or do — [there] hasn’t been a good Border Patrol episode in ages.”
Check your boots, mate.
“Check your boots if you leave them outside, don’t poke your hands about in holes or under logs and check your car’s sun visors, because when you’re cruising at 90 and a HUNTSMAN FUCKIN SPIDER falls into your lap you then know what fear is.”
Be patient, mate.
“If you’re coming from a country with very fast internet, you might have a hard time adjusting to Australia.”
Feature image via Paramount Pictures.
Top Comments
I love the whole drop bear thing. Bloody brilliant.
Don't forget to put vegemite on your nose to keep the drop bears away
Vegemite tastes better when it's thick, To really enjoy vegemite for the first time you need to spread it thick.
You're an animal, a disgraceful example of humanity :P
You should drop the 'F' from your name and replace it with a 'B'!
He he. "Look if you're not sure you'll like it why not just try a teaspoon on it's own first?"