I hate some of the things I see my friends and family post on Facebook. I’ve seen conspiracy theories, inflammatory right-wing memes, and all sorts of things that make my blood boil. I see things that are wrong, both factually and morally, all the damn time.
Sometimes I come at people with claws out, and sometimes I just keep scrolling because I don’t have the emotional energy to deal with it. Then there are the times when I will hit the “unfriend” or “unfollow” button, cutting their bullshit out of my life, usually after a knock-down, drag-out public fight on the internet (like the great Aunt Leslie debacle of 2014). But I wonder if severing ties completely is really the right choice, for me or for them.
While I try to keep my newsfeed free from propaganda I find harmful at a deep, soul level, I don’t think it’s a good idea to shut myself off from those I disagree with to the point that I live in an echo chamber. And to be honest, that’s exactly what my online life is becoming. One big, homogenous crowd of people who think just like me.
It’s not always clear if you’re being racist. A Mamamia Out Loud podcast listener left a message for Ask Bossy to find out.
I find that more and more I am seeing things that I agree with, and it is shaping the way I view the world. I feel constantly reassured of my own opinions and biases, forgetting how many people in the world don’t think even remotely like me. I know that because when I do come across someone I don’t agree with, it’s my knee-jerk reaction to reject them outright, to write them off as a complete outlier because everyone else (or at least everyone I see) thinks, acts, votes like me.
I no longer have to see Aunt Leslie’s conservative elitist posts because she doesn’t exist in my world anymore. But here’s the thing, she still exists, and so do lots of people like her. Unfriending her is basically the equivalent of sticking my fingers in my ears and singing “la-la-la-I-can’t-hear-you!”
I’m not saying surround yourself with negative people, but it’s important to see that they’re there and you know them, because the real world isn’t as comfortable as the one you curate.
The truth is, it’s dangerous to unfriend your racist aunt (or whatever unsavoury brand of family member you have hiding in your Facebook feed), because you run the risk of thinking the whole world thinks like you, and anyone who doesn’t is a lone asshole. I’m not saying surround yourself with negative people, but it’s important to see that they’re there and you know them, because the real world isn’t as comfortable as the one you curate.
I’m not going to go out of my way to socialise with people whose values are fundamentally different than my own. I’m also not going to engage with them all the time, even when they post enraging stuff that makes me want to shout and scream and pull my hair out. I’ll put myself into some battles, but not all of them, because it’s important that I take care of myself too.
And I am not suggesting that anyone with skin in the game put themselves through unnecessary pain by engaging with people who are actively harming their lives. If you need to unfriend someone, do it. If you need to put those family members through the knock-down drag-out fights, do it. If you need the support of an echo chamber more than you need the perspective I’m craving, I hear you. I know that I come at this from a place of privilege, and I’m not going to pretend otherwise. I get to have a higher tolerance for this crap, because it is not directly affecting my life.
But if I want to be a better ally, a better friend, a better person, then I need to not turn a blind eye to how many people aren’t on the same page as me. I need to see that these are people I know. I need to try to understand them. I need to be aware that they’re out there, so I don’t forget what the world really looks like.
This article first appeared on Ravishly.com, your first stop for feminist hugs.
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I have a few American friends and most of them supported Trump and and few of them post things that make my blood boil. But I won't ever remove them for that, nor will I remove my friends who post positive stuff about Pauline. It's important to know what the other side thinks, this is how Trump blindsided so many when he won, because we all live in echo chambers of our own making. Something this US election and the rise of Pauline Hanson has taught me, ignorance is alive and people actually believe the crap that these people say to gain power and they are scared and they are sick of being called racists and bigots because the world no longer makes sense to them. I get it. I will never agree with them and think that they lack experience with diversity, but I am getting it.
Sometimes I venture over to the Breitbart "news" page, or check out Miranda Divine or Andrew Bolt's latest piece or other similar right-wing site, just to see what sort of things are being said by the alt right. I never comment, but sometimes I'd like to, lol!
"this is how Trump blindsided so many ... because we all live in echo chambers of our own making"
Wow, so is someone finally admitting they do live in an a self imposed echo chamber?
I like to think I don't; I try and read a wide variety of opinions, and also try to stay away from the left-right labelling. Yet I was completely shocked at Trump winning. This is because I was going by the political journalists and commentators. They are people whose whole role is to be objective.
We all do it, we all confirm our own biases by surrounding ourselves with people and opinions that we agree with, it's human nature. My opinions haven't changed because I look outside my own opinions and beliefs. I still find conservatives to be largely ignorant and selfish and the worse offenders for living inside their own echo chambers.
I was not shocked by Trump winning, I predicted it a few weeks before because I had been involving myself in discussions on the other side of the fence.
Left and right labels annoy me, they are a throwback to the French revolution and completely unnecessary.
I haven't unfriended anyone for their political posts but I did unfollow one of my dad's cousins. After the federal election, she was all Pauline Hanson/Andrew Bolt all the time. It made me ill to look at some of these posts, they were so vile. I don't want to feel like that every time I check my feed. I don't care if it turns my Facebook into an echo chamber. It's not like that's the only place I interact with other people. Even just here, I get plenty of opportunity to see what the other side thinks.
Yeah, I unfollowed someone who posted five or six articles every day about how Killary was going to go to jail and how she's basically the worst criminal since Ted Bundy. Differing opinions I can work with. Outright bullshit is something else altogether.